Suki1

Congratulations, Rob — I wish you both all the best!

Hi MM, it's over 4½ years for me and what you wrote sounds exactly like what I feel. Thank you — it's comforting somehow to know I'm not the only one ....

Hi Lewis, thanks for all your work on the new site design. I appreciate all you do to enable us to read and to post :).

It's a little over four years for me and I've done a certain amount of pruning, but not as much as I wish; there's still a lot left to do. Sometimes I wish I could just wave a magic wand and it would be done ... It's been easier when there's been a good friend to help, if only to lend moral support and/or to give an opinion about whether something would have value for someone else. I feel better, lighter, when I've succeeded in clearing out a bit (and of course things look neater!), but working up the energy and the emotional readiness to tackle the job is something else ... The idea of a chest that goes to the crematorium with me is something I hadn't thought of, but it has appeal. Thanks, rifatheroffour, for mentioning it.

Hi JeanGenie, I wish I could come! I'm so sorry I can't make it. Have a great time. I'll be thinking of you all. S.

Thank you, Jess, for your post. I'm at 3-1/2 years and so much of what you wrote I can relate to. And the rest gives me something to think about, including dealing with going through stuff/belongings.

Hi Jen, I'm just a couple of months behind you on the timeline. When I first found YWBB, months after my husband's passing, I would read your posts and think, "But that's exactly how I feel!" Some of the things I was thinking, I didn't dare tell anyone I knew. Not that they would have understood, anyhow. But so many of your posts echoed my thoughts, and reading what you wrote made me see I wasn't entirely alone. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. There were days when I read some of them over and over again. I will always be grateful to you for posting so honestly. Nobody ever asks me how I'm doing. Nobody even seems to remember that I once had a husband I loved. This is still the one place I know I can come where people will understand. So don't feel you don't belong, or aren't welcome. We're here to help each other, and burdens are lighter when you have someone to help you carry them. Sending you LOTS of hugs.

Oh, Nonesuch, I'm so sorry. I wish I could do more than write words – they seem so inadequate. I'm thinking of you and your SO, and sending hugs.

Congrats, Rob!

Congratulations to you both, and thanks for letting us know! All the best to you and to your new family! A photo would be nice .

Lewis, please know your work is SO appreciated . We couldn't be here without you!

Hi Maureen, Just a few more weeks and you'll have your MA – hang in there! You've achieved so much in the past five years. The fresh start post-MA will bring new opportunities, even if it's not yet evident what they might be. I was in the early stages of writing my PhD thesis when my husband passed away. I had no idea how I would manage to finish it, but completing it gave me a purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Since getting the degree last year, I've seen doors open and opportunities appear, sometimes in surprising ways. So keep going, and trust that you'll find the road to follow. I wish you all the best in the coming weeks and the months that follow.

Congratulations! I agree that the words should be something that mean something to you and that you are comfortable with. Would "as long as we both shall live" be a possibility? How each person defines "live" is an individual thing – it could be just this earth life, or life that goes on beyond, depending on what one believes. Talking about what each other wants and feels might also help in giving a better understanding of where the other one is coming from.

Boston area.

Hi Kim, I'm so sorry about your husband's sudden passing. My husband went suddenly, too. The only people I knew whose spouses had predeceased them were rather older than I was and had been married for 30 or 40 or 50 years. I just didn't relate to them. So finding this community (and the one that preceded it) meant, and still means, a great deal to me. We've all been where you are now. We understand. Come, read, post as often as you wish. Hugs to you.

Phooey, I'm not going to be able to make it. But I hope you all have a great time .

Hi PJ, It would have been polite for him to ask you for your info directly. I think the real question is what his motive is. He might be harmless and just wanting to get in touch later, as imissdow mentioned. Or he might be accustomed to doing like the students Maureen sees do. In my own case, I take photos of just about everything I want to remember, and I can imagine someone doing what he did without having a negative intention. (And I'm pretty protective of my own privacy.) He could also, of course, be up to no good. But who knows? Maybe you could exchange a few phone calls/texts/emails first to get a better idea of where he's coming from. And if you decide to see him, choose a public place. I hope it all works out well, whatever you choose to do.

I'm still hoping to go but might end up being out of town. For the moment, would you put me on the "Maybe" list? I can let you know for sure early in the week. It would be great to see everyone again.

Hi Jen, I can relate to the lamb and the wolf bit. I haven't got anything really helpful to say, but I send you lots of hugs! Suki1

What a great idea! I'm putting it on my calendar for next year!

Gosh, TooSoon, I wish I could fit all my stuff into two boxes. I can see how looking at two boxes and thinking "That's 20 years" is sobering. At the same time, to me it feels admirable. I've been following your progress in your basement, and admired you for being able to do it. I wish I could summon up the emotional fortitude to finish tackling my own basement. Things evoke memories, for sure. But I wouldn't feel badly about having just two boxes. In the end, I guess it really is "just stuff." It can't define us or determine who or what we are.

lcoxwell, May your life with New Guy be long and happy! I wish you and New Guy all the best in your new life together.

I'm not quite 2-1/2 years out and I still wear my wedding ring on my left hand. It feels appropriate. But as others have said, it's up to you. If the time comes when it feels right to take it off – or to put it back on if you did take it off – the choice is yours and no one else's. No one has ever asked me why I still wear it, by the way. I suspect they don't even notice it. Or if they do, they don't think about it – another one of the things the outside world doesn't understand.

So glad you're together! All the best to you in your new life .

I think pictures are an excellent idea. They may take up a little space on a hard drive or a phone or a DVD, but that hardly compares to the room taken up by the actual (3-dimensional) items. Plus the photos are easily transportable, and you can back them up, store them on the cloud, etc. And compared to scanning – or at least to my scanner – I find taking photos is a lot faster and a lot less tedious. Besides taking photos of would-be keepsakes, I also take photos of things I've given away, including my own stuff, so that I don't have to wonder later where it is.