Chrispy89

Thanks everyone - I agree it definitely wasn't malicious and it seems to be a common theme for us young widowers. Ultimately I guess those who love us just want us to be happy! I don't think I'll say anything to him.. I think it'd just upset him for not much result... But I did need to get it out and let it be heard that I am still hurting and that I do hurt as much as Chris' parents - just in a different way. Thanks for being those ears (or eyes as it were haha).

Hello everyone! I have not been on here for so long that I'd actually forgotten my password! But I hope you are all doing well, or as well as can be expected I suppose.. I've come on here because I've just been going over and over this in my head, but it's the middle of the night here so I can't really message any friends and I'm getting more and more confused and upset. The other day my dad took me out for a birthday lunch and I'm very close to my dad. In fact he's probably the only family I've really got.. And I got talking about my partner Chris. The second anniversary of his death is coming up on the 27th. For those who don't know.. He was killed in a workplace accident, and the investigation is still ongoing, HOWEVER, myself and Chris' parents just received an email to tell us that all evidence collecting has now been concluded, and they're now sifting through the evidence to see if they can still build a case against the company. I keep in contact with Chris' parents quite often via email (they live on the other side of the world) and his mum said how emotional she got after hearing about the advancements in the investigation and how she was going to need to take time off work as she will be too emotional as this anniversary comes up, which is all totally fine and understandable. I had a different reaction though.. I wasn't emotional about the investigation nearing the end (I've had to deal with all the legal stuff, it's just another 'thing' and I try to live by the belief that I will not give that piece of shit day more power over me than it already does.. So I will be continuing my life as normal throughout the month... Which is also fine. So back to my dad (sorry long winded I know - see why this wouldn't have been good in a text message?!) over lunch I just said it's interesting how different people grieve differently. I was highly emotional at the start... Screaming... Crying.. Wanting to die.. Lost a hideous amount of weight.. While his parents seemed to just go along... It seems like now it's only starting to sink in and his mother is getting emotional (Chris moved from the uk to live with me, the last time they saw him was saying goodbye at the airport and not expecting to see him again for a long while, so I think it's contributed to the 'delayed' grieving - or like I said people just grieve differently) Anyway... I was saying this to my dad.. And he goes... Yeh I think it's just because you're young so you will find someone else.. While he was their number one son (they've got another son as well)..... I just.. I suppose.. Kind of let it slide at the time... But that comment has really been eating at me. Chris was my number one everything. Yes no doubt losing a child or son is fucking painful.. But so is this?? We never had a chance to have our kids.. I feel like I lost my children my partner my future my dreams at the same time.... But because I'm young I'll find someone else?! My dad was like I know you will never forget Chris but you will have your own children blah blah....... So....... My question is.... Do I tell my dad that this comment bothered me? To be honest I think he'd be really upset if I told him his comment hurt me..... And I also think he tells HIMSELF that I'm young.. I will find someone... Cos he can't stand me being in pain.. And he wants that for me in the future as well. It's frustrating.. I think people think I'm a lot happier and more 'recovered' (not sure if that's the right word to use) then I am... It's more I actually got sick and tired of it all so I kinda just put on the happy face. Thanks guys.. I know I only come here to whinge and whine so thank you to those stronger people than I who can go back and give advice to others - I can't even bear to look at the 0-6 months page now - eep!

Ok, I know this is going to sound stupid to a lot of you..But I applied to go on The Bachelor and got really close. As in final rounds, "We all love you" big smiles from the producers close.. But I just got the phone call today saying I was unsuccessful. They said they debated back and forth about me and it was a hard choice but they said no in the end. And now I am actually devastated! Anyway I wrote about it on my blog to try and make myself feel better about it which you can read below.. Sigh https://memoirsofachristopher.wordpress.com/

When my partner died my friend gave me the "Sad Book" by Michael Rosen.. It's a beautiful picture book and one line says, "I loved him very, very much, but he died anyway." It really resonated with me. Sorry you are going through this. It isn't fair.

Oh Grace that poem was beautiful! I hope one day I can feel like that about someone.... But hachi "Mouthful of leftovers" cracked me up! I probably can't look at the poem the same now! Hahaha ;D

I went on a yoga retreat in bali.. it was amazing. Obviously you don't need to go all the way to bali.. But the self reflection and meditation and the focus on myself is exactly what I needed at the time. I also chose his birthday as a day of celebration and remembrance rather to focus on his death. Good luck.

Hiya, I too am young (25) and felt/feel many of the things you do. I am 11 months out... I don't feel like I have come far, but my friends would disagree. As for your sisters wedding, I was the maid of honour at my best friends wedding last month. My partner was meant to be best man... I thought I would be broken on the day. I only got the 'blergh' feeling once, which lasted about 10 seconds. Otherwise for the rest of the day I was just being there for my friends. It was their day and I just wanted them to be happy... One sweet touch we did was had a photo of my partner in my bouquet. This journey isn't easy. And it isn't fair, especially when things are so perfect and you are so happy. It's a long way to fall... But somehow we keep going, and you will too. Message me if you need to. Best wishes.

Hi, I'm currently in the same boat as you. My partner was also killed in a workplace accident, 11 months ago, however court cases are still ongoing.... Our situation complicates things and my claim may also be rejected by the insurance company however my lawyer is still forging ahead. He seems lovely, and I think emotionally invested as well.. On top of that investigations are still going into his cause of death (if the workplace was illegal) which may turn into a criminal case against the company. So while you are a step ahead of me, I can relate. In some sense I don't even care if I win the money or not. My partner is gone, and nothing is going to make that better. But on the other hand, I find it hard to comprehend that something like this can occur, and then nothing happen from it.. Which is the main reason I keep going with it. They must be held accountable. Sorry it did not provide relief... I don't think anything really does. We just have to keep going on this journey we are on.. Good luck

Fate.. Destiny.. Minds focusing on patterns, who knows...

Weird hey.. I've heard of a few situations where people have had 'near death experiences' just before they died.. Just makes me think. Does the universe give us clues? Probably not haha!!

I'm just wondering if there's any other people out there who suddenly lost their partner through an accident or the like, if your partner had had a near miss prior to their death. For example my partner had a near miss on his bike the week before... He was riding 90kmph, hit a rock and walked away from the crash with just a cut lip. The emergency doctors couldn't believe it and it really shook my partner up. A week later he was to be killed but in a completely different accident... Anyone else with a similar story?

Yay! Love a happy story. Hope there's more out there for us. Good luck!

We all find our volcanoes https://vimeo.com/134246265

Thankyou, this gives me hope for the future

I'm sure most of your friends 'like' remembering your DH as well as 'like' seeing you happy with your new guy just as much as you do... Just keep doing what you need to do

When my partner first died I began updating my facebook with daily memories about Chris.. I found as time went on and became like normal for everyone else their interest became less and less.. I also found that any blogs I read were a) Too positive (I know silly right) or b) Too negative.... But I think it's more because each of us have our own individual story and I couldn't relate. I also found many blogs were years into their 'widowhood' while I have only just begun mine!! So, I've started up my own blog... I'm not expecting many readers but perhaps this extra story might just be the one for someone who might be able to make a connection. https://memoirsofachristopher.wordpress.com/ If there's any others that people have I'd love to have a read, and like was said before, find my widow 'twin!'.

Aw I wish I grieved like this!! I eat bad, or don't eat at all, and while I used to be a 'planner' I have now become flaky and non-committal... 6 months is tough. 6 months is early days.. Keep going. Purpose will come back.. It has to, doesn't it? That's what we need to tell ourselves whether we believe it or not.

Yerp 6 months sucks balls. Just keep waking up every morning and you are winning x

:-[

Yes... Well.. They've taken everything anyway so it probably doesn't really matter in the end.

Thanks swilson I really appreciate your support... I have the local politician on board so am really hoping something will come from it, but obviously it will be a several year process. Just hoping this most recent bump in the road can be sorted out!!

The joys just keep coming. I have made a workers comp claim against the employers who killed my partner with the plan to give a large amount to his parents and with me convincing myself that perhaps this was his 'destiny' and that he died this way because he wanted to provide for us in the future (ok yes perhaps not true but we all thought if he was ever going to die young it would be on his motorbike, but it wasn't, so this theorising made me feel a bit better about it all). Now there's questions about whether our 'de facto' relationship was long enough. Defacto is a step above just dating I guess. You have to be in a relationship where you are living together and are financially and emotionally supporting each other, and seen socially as an ongoing relationship. Well CP and I WERE living together 2 years prior to the accident, however I was at his parents and we had to spend a large amount apart due to our visa and financial situation. So they are saying that this might not count.. His parents are not dependents either so they also would not be eligible for anything. Meaning the company who killed my partner and cut short our relationship, my partner who on a legal document months prior had written that we would be together forever for our visa application (because that was the truth), may not have to pay out anything because of a technicality that we weren't 'official' long enough. Oh the irony. Writing my new statutory declaration speaking about my time with his family has made me feel better though because I can see just how much we did contribute financially and emotionally to each other, and how we made it very clear socially what our future intentions were. It just triggered some crazy screaming/ugly crying in the shower at how unjust this whole situation is. Yes, our relationship was tough. It was a battle because of the situation we were in but we fought for it because we wanted it so bad. Then this company took him away. God I miss him. I would give quadruple what I may receive to have him back.

The exact same thing that happened to my partner happened to someone in 2001! In TWO THOUSAND AND ONE!!! http://www.cdc.gov/niosh/FACE/stateface/ca/01ca008.html Why are reversing cameras not placed on all heavy machinery? That type of machinery is worth big bucks and they can't chuck a couple hundred more on to install reversing cameras? Lots of cheap, crappy cars have reversing cameras these days!! One family's pain wasn't enough, they had to destroy someone elses? Unbelievable. If appropriate changes were made then, this could have been avoided now!!!!!!!!

I'm only 25 and I AM a widow. If she wants it, she will handle it.

Been working very hard on not being jealous, resentful or bitter.. And to be honest have been doing a pretty good job of it. Today a work mate had a surprise wedding. Happiness all round.. Until my other very close workmate yells out, "Oh my god, that's 8 weddings this year, it's the wedding year!!" Including hers. I am her maid of honour. Another workmate's comment, "You know what this means next?! Babies" I had a funeral. This is my funeral year. You know what came next? Nothing. I have genuinely been happy for all of this people. Each one has been one of my close friends. But now I'm falling into that, "Why me?" frame of mind. It doesn't help.. Now to try and pull myself out.. Just after this cry