Dean47

These were all wonderful to read! I am at a little over 4 months...so I can relate to many of the reflections from those looking back and those that are actually in this first 6 month journey. It seems, as I read these, that the saying that grief is a personal journey is more true than ever. Everyone seems to find something that works for them. I have worked hard at this...continuing with personal therapy, support groups, reading and continuing to expand my cyber community and resources everyday...and each thing seems to help a little. For me, I really beleive the shock wore off a little while ago...and I'm really grinding in the new reality that my sweet Nicole is surely gone and I'm on this island trying to figure out how to survive. Thankfully I have survived to this point and I read somewhere that 50% of folks start to feel better at around 6 months...but this as with everything in grief is not a guarantee...and others find that it takes years. With this in mind, I really recommend that the 6 month moniker "shock wears off, and reality sets in" be re-branded...of course this sucks and will not magically get better post 6 months...but for some the shock has worn off and they are living in the new reality already...further, for many things actually do get better post 6 months...in other words the label doesn't fit for all and finally the label is just plain discouraging. I mentioned to my therapist that I was really dreading what comes next in part based on this label...and she very much agreed. The real reality is that everyone here knows this sucks and will for the rest of our lives to some degree...but to label the rest of our lives "reality has set in and the rest of your life may not be so good" is not what we need to hear. What about "6 months and 50% of people actually begin to feel better"?....positivity is so critical to this and your mental outlook plays such a huge role in getting better.

That's really awesome Maureen! I'm a tad over 4 months and I just had to sell my sweet Nicole's car today...been close to tears all day. This is just the most overwhelming and unimaginable process...there is no way to prepare for it and then there is no remedy to treat it with...its like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded and your just trying to survive via the hope that calmer waters do exist in the horizon. Why? Why? Why?

It has now been 4 months since I lost my sweet Nicole and I find myself still walking in a fog. Certainly the awareness of all that I have lost has set in and that she is not coming back. Unfortunately, I feel little purpose or hope in this life. I keep telling myself to survive for now with the hope that the darkness will dissipate further and that one day I will not be consumed by these thoughts. That day is certainly not today. I attended her family reunion last weekend and it has plunged me into a deep and heavy depression. I believe going was the right thing to do and that one day it will be a significant part of my recovery...but I am extremely wobbly right now. My goal is to simply survive...but that is a faint goal on days like today.

Hi AA...I can very much relate to how you are feeling. I am at 3 months since the loss of my sweet Nicole and still feel I am just going through the motions, but I have found some good releases....my number one distraction is exercise. When I don't feel good, everything is much worse...so exercise clenses and makes me feel better. It is temporary, but its still a break. I have recently taken a couple weekend trips with my dogs too...and I've actually laughed and smiled a few times...but coming back to the empty house is the tough part. We were not able to have kids...but we did get two dogs and they have been so so helpful...they love you no matter what, protect you and give you positive energy. It is also helpful for me to have animals to care for...so I am glad you have that wonderful dog to help you in the mornings. Remember your not alone and your not going crazy....these feelings are NORMAL. Our lives as we knew them have been shattered and we are having to learn to live all over again....just take it easy on yourself...the instrument idea is a great one...I say you go for it!

It has been 3 months since I last spoke to my sweet Nicole. She was my best friend, soul mate, life partner of 14+ years, biggest cheerleader (and everything else it takes to make one feel complete and happy). Every day is still a challenge. Lately, I seem to be overwhelmed with a sense of purposelessness. I still work and have career goals, but it all seems so pointless. My career goals were OUR goals. The point was to improve OUR lives. It seems I'll do better for a few days (usually when I visit with family and friends) but then hit another brick wall and enter back into the darkness. The whole experience feels as if someone performed surgery on me and removed half of my heart, all of my joy, a considerable portion of my hope and most of my soul. Technically, I was left with the vital organs one needs to survive...but in many ways it seems I am a shell of my former self. Most of my support network has dwindled (as I had read would happen)...so the daily check-ins from friends and family are mostly gone. Since the next forum mile marker topic on this site relates to 6 months and the fact that "reality sets in" I'm terrified that this can somehow get worse. I have been very active, still in grief therapy, attend grief support groups, read, read and read...but I still legitimately question that I will survive. In summary, the hellish rollercoaster ride continues and shows no signs of stopping. I hope to be hopeful again one day and am grateful for those on this site that understand what this is like and have given me support.

Wow...those are encouraging replies. This is an amazing forum...NicY from the other side of the world going through such grief as I and reaching out for encouragement and her own support. Hang in there NicY...all loss is unique, but I know we are both trying to find our way through this dark and scary place. Those who have post and are further out and have found a different life in which there are smiles and a renewed sense of hope give us beautiful news...if we keep putting one foot in front of the other and making it through each day...we will eventually see more light. We are all changed forever and see the world differently...I pray that one day I will see more hope and that these dark days will give way to renewal. I know I must keep fighting, as my sweet Nicole fought till her last breathe.

It will be two months this week when I lost my sweet sweet Nicole. My life partner of 14+ years, my fianc?, my soulmate. She had a very complicated set of health challenges and before we had a diagnosis her heart gave out with cardiac arrest. I've been reading, going to counseling, talking to family and friends all the time, practically living at the dog park, praying and going to try some support groups this week....but I'm like everyone else...feeling very lifeless and bleak. The stress and sadness is so strong that I just can't imagine that my heart doesn't just collapse...and that would actually be relief. This is most definitely a strange and dark place, and it seems likely that it will get worse before it gets better. I go day to day, avoid thoughts of the future, stay away from music (too many triggers). I would just like to hear that there is hope. I certainly know that this is a new life and that Nicole and my life will always be there, but everything from this point forward will be very different. I just want to believe that there can be happiness again?