On line dating vents and laughs......

[Guest nonesuch]

 

I was always surprised when one of my late wife's friends tried to fix me up with a friend that was still married. "It's complicated" they'd say. "No it isn't" I'd say.

 

...snip...

 

But as far as a potential long term prospect - your chances are now at zero. 

 

Good luck - Mike

 

yeah, the good-ish reason of married # 1 was to make sure his fourth(!) wife retained health insurance, which she needed for a chronic illness.  Admirable, but it would have left me in a legal and emotional no man's land.

[Helen]

The was of course more to this story that in that short summary Mike, the guy was a bit of an idiot and seemed to enjoy playing us off against each other. I am not sure what dating etiquette is and most of us who are busy on dating sites are not keeping ourselves to one contact, I have certainly had arrangements to meet more than one guy, but for me the line would be to not date two guys on the same day. It is fine that others draw this line elsewhere and I respect that, but when you know you are talking to two people who are friends maybe you should be aware of that and careful what you say. This guy telling my friend (who he had yet to meet) that he thought they had a long and happy future together, while also arranging to meet me just before meeting her suggests lack of good character to me.

 

The pickings are few and I am not passing up on any reasonable opportunities, way too desperate for that!

[Guest sunshinedaydreamz]

I guess I'm too not understanding. Whether it's the same day or not should really make little difference to an introduction. 

 

If you've deciphered the "idiot" factor then it's just to me polite to say or write I wouldn't think there is anymore reason for communicating, but disclosing ones friendship with another lady on same dating site and communications between both, I would find a bit confusing.

 

[momtokam]

The latest and not so greatest update from my crazy trying to date world....if I didn't live it I might not really believe it at times!

 

....I usually use my phone to access the dating sites. Last night I used my lap top for the first time with Match which opens up the chatting feature. Within 30 seconds there where 4 men from all over the U.S. (I am in Canada) ready to start a long distance relationship and relocate to be with me! Really? One didn't even read my profile because he was asking questions clearly answered in my profile! I kept chatting with them because I was truly in awe of their suggestions and really couldn't believe it! They were quite insistent! Oh my goodness!!

 

....I receive nice messages, I reply with nice messages, then they hide their profile.

 

....I may be starting to understand all the brief "Hi" messages. After sending out nicely thought out messages referencing their profiles...I hear crickets back....I make the effort and nothing.....hmmmm. ....Hi is so much less work.

 

....More cute young ones messaging me. I'm reading Bridget Jones, Mad About the Boy right now....hmmmm, maybe I need to rethink this. ...lol

 

....Met someone for a drink last week. He was from out of town, on business here for a week (5 hour flight away). Clearly there was no relationship potential but he was a funny, and pretty good guy so I went. It was fun and lots of great conversation. He was easy on eyes as well...we walked around the harbour front for a while and talked and laughed but I didn't get an "I'm interested" vibe. He didn't even try to touch me and no outright flirting. I thought, hey I made a cool new friend at least! He walked me to my car and we said good night. Then we kissed.....OK,  he was interested... talk about going right over my head! He walked away and I drove home. We had a good laugh over it later on the phone. Said he would call next time he is in town, he comes often. Yeah, we'll see.....he is looking for some fun only.....

 

As a good friend told me.....who knows what a new day will bring...

 

 

[momtokam]

Helen, I hope you are having better luck on Match the last few days.

 

I so agree with you though....the pickings are very few it seems.

[RobFTC]

I have not figured out if I have any use for Match chat yet.  So far, all the inbound offers feel like organized scammers, every last one.

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Guest nonesuch]

They try like heck to get you to keep your profile with them if you make moves to take it down.  It's always suggested that you just make your profile inactive, rather than remove it. I'm guessing there is a reason:  I suspect the dating site uses all profiles to send flirts or whatever to others to keep members interested.  I had nicely (and painstakingly) replied to a Hi, and the next day when  I looked, saw his last time online had been **months** before.  I told the company not to send me any more of these, and the weird "Hi"-s from men who weren't online stopped. If you're hearing crickets when you respond to a Hi, I'm guessing the man whose profile it came from doesn't know anything about it.

 

I had started to suspect the profile phantom thing...Then on the old board, a woman whose hadn't been online in months asked a still active friend to look up her old profile. There was the woman's picture, along with "Last active on site [previous day]"  !

[Guest sunshinedaydreamz]

A lot of commonality ^^^^

After being OFF the dating sites for 3 years, I regularly get 5 "wanna hook ups", on my email, various foreign women Facebook requests, porn pics on my messages, you name it, each day. Actually 5 or six women I "chatted" with on the dating sites minimally, later "found" me, on Facebook, by "people you may know", when I never gave any info other than a first name. When you sign up for a dating site, somehow your email address is fair game by default. I triple checked this by putting an alternate email address on a specific dating site.

And Craigslist. Omg don't even go there.

 

When I put widowed on the profile it was like putting an L on my forehead.

I got responses from 20 year older women showing sagging cleavage. And 20 a day Omg im so sorries. Even if a woman doesn't post a pic, from experience she will get 50 to 1000 more messagess per day than a similar guys profile. Reason being men, or I guess one can call them that, regularly scan and message hundreds and more of women every day, which essential keeps these dating sites going.

 

I'm sure there are vast differences in age where maybe it would be more of an asset, but my experience it was better to simply say single and explain it later. Anyway yes these sites kept inactive profiles for years, and they say "was online yesterday". Not to mention the countless women I chatted with, with the first question being what do you do for a living? Before even asking my name. When I said Dr they would follow up with immediately wanting to marry. When I said I worked in a factory poof.. Gone.

 

Not hindering anyone from wanting to go on these sites, just simply writing of my experiences. I meet much classier people at restaurants, shopping for groceries, and just by meetings with friends and family.

[momtokam]

Rob, I think you might be on to something. They were all from far away and insistent on a long distance relationship within seconds. Very scammer like for sure.

 

Nonesuch, if this really is true, I really don't know what to think. It's already hard enough, without fake messages coming through just to keep you hooked.

 

Sunshinedaydreamz, I recently started to use a new separate email just for these sites. Just thought it would safer somehow, just in case.

[Guest sunshinedaydreamz]

Just be safe and take these sites for face value. There are some nice single people, even online. Trick is deciphering and super careful screening. Best wishes : )

[momtokam]

Thanks sunshineanddaydreamz. It really shouldn't be this hard.

[Guest sunshinedaydreamz]

My thoughts exactly. You are special. Make sure you're treated that way !

[momtokam]

Sunshinedaydreamz,  definitely....

 

Oh, I forgot a tip I got from that out of town guy. We were taking about on line dating scams. He is also targeted by scammers apparently. He asks them to send a picture of themselves holding something specific, pen, book, etc. If they are real and not a scam, you will know. A good tip I wish I knew in my first attempts at on line dating.

[Guest sunshinedaydreamz]

I always made it a rule not to meet with "out of towners".

[momtokam]

I am a relationship person as well, aways was. It just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me right now. I'm 50, with 3 kids from 11-17.  I'm so off the radar for almost all men in my age bracket. They either want much younger women or they want a free as a bird woman to take off at a moments notice.

 

I'm easy going, funny, decent looking and don't look my age, but that does not seem to matter. I'm not looking to snag a new husband or father for my kids anytime soon. It would be nice just to get out, meet some new people, and maybe it could lead to a nice relationship. I didn't  think it would be so hard.

 

I did casual only once in my life for one year between relationships in my early twenties. I didn't enjoy it then and don't know if I would enjoy it now. Sometimes I think it would be simpler to just look for casual now. Maybe that's why I actually decided to meet up with this out of town guy. To see if I could actually do it or not. I knew he was not interested in a relationship up front. Even that didn't seem to work out for me!

 

Honestly, not sure about any of this anymore.

[Guest sunshinedaydreamz]

.

[Sugarbell]

I am a relationship person as well, aways was. It just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me right now. I'm 50, with 3 kids from 11-17.  I'm so off the radar for almost all men in my age bracket. They either want much younger women or they want a free as a bird woman to take off at a moments notice.

 

I'm easy going, funny, decent looking and don't look my age, but that does not seem to matter. I'm not looking to snag a new husband or father for my kids anytime soon. It would be nice just to get out, meet some new people, and maybe it could lead to a nice relationship. I didn't  think it would be so hard.

 

I did casual only once in my life for one year between relationships in my early twenties. I didn't enjoy it then and don't know if I would enjoy it now. Sometimes I think it would be simpler to just look for casual now. Maybe that's why I actually decided to meet up with this out of town guy. To see if I could actually do it or not. I knew he was not interested in a relationship up front. Even that didn't seem to work out for me!

 

Honestly, not sure about any of this anymore.

 

I totally get this....At 44 with 3 kids ages 8-12...It was a similar boat...Men 10 years younger than me had kids my kids age....and

Were looking for a step momma for kids....Men my age had grown children and were just more free as you say and in a different stage of life.

 

Oddly...I found a man 8 years my senior who had a college age daughter....And even though he's free to go...he actually gets that my life is very tied down. And he accepts it and likes it. Like you I was not looking nor am I now looking for a Dad for my kids. He's just a cool guy and we have fun together.

 

They are out there-but I agree it can be exhausting weeding through potential dates. It always just seemed like another job.

[Guest Bear1956]

Unfortunately, most guys/gals in their 50s have done the whole family thing and are looking forward to their kid free twilight years. At least that was my experience so I waited until my youngest was 18 to start dating.

[MrsDan]

I dunno, I guess I see the whole  messaging a bit differently. I'm supposed to respond to every message that says something beyond hi or a bit of a cougar aren't you? (Yes, I got that.) Even when we're like a 40% match? That's a full time job! And not interested in opening doors I would just slam in someone's face. I figure when I send a message, maybe I'll get a response, maybe I won't. That's just how it goes. That like button though, that pisses me off. I got a like from someone I hadn't noticed before and sent him a message. If I don't get a response, well that's a little irksome. If you like someone, maybe then you should respond. But I guess I don't really expect strangers to respond if they're not at all interested.

[momtokam]

Thanks Sugarbell.....I know they are out there....I just wish we could find each other!

 

MrsDan,  I know what you are saying about opening a door to just slam it shut. For me, if they make a nice effort, I do respond. But I certainly see your point. And the like or wink stuff....yup, reply to those and then nothing back. They must send out to everyone, who knows!

[MrsDan]

Okay ladies and gentlemen, top this. I messaged this guy, he messaged me back, it went back and forth for a while, and he asked if we could talk on the phone. OK, sure. It went okay for a while. He'd mentioned having a bird and I thought, haha that's kind of funny, made me think of Maddelena. So he's talking and talking, asking me questions but not giving me a chance to answer. Then he tells me his bird was eaten by a rat! He went on and on, then mentioned he'd had a few cocktails. Big groan. Anyway, we're talking, he's name dropping (PS, I'm not impressed that you met Bruce Campbell. Bruce Campbell is awesome, and very well known for being really great with his fans.) So come to find out he's been married three times. Okay, whatever. THEN he asks me how many times a week I masturbate. Oh no. Then when I wouldn't answer, the question, he asks if I'm sexually inhibited. No jag bag there's a difference between being inhibited and being discerning about who you share it with. Anyway, I got off the phone and he texted me a few times. I saved his number under the name, Gross in case he calls or texts again.

 

Who goes for this crap?! I've messaged back and forth with a few guys; there have been only two guys who actually seem genuinely nice. And one I'm starting to strongly suspect lives with his parents. But okay, at least he's sweet. Everyone else seems to be either a total perv, or they act like they're too good to continue a conversation that they decided at one point to engage in.

[lcoxwell]

I saved his number under the name, Gross in case he calls or texts again.

 

I have to admit, this gave me a real laugh (though I am sorry online dating is not going well).

[momtokam]

Yikes MrsDan!  A real winner you found there! Don't be selfish and keep him for yourself!!

 

I had a guy message me....his profile mentioned "my woman" 3 times and he wanted to take me to a mall and walk around so he could see my angel face and he would bring me a rose!

 

I really get a kick out of the too perfect profiles though ...cute guy, widow, model photograph,  profile reads like a girl's dream...I know it can't be real but I message them for fun....he always appears recently on line but the messages are never read. Are these bait profiles the sites set up?

[MrsDan]

Well, it's not all bad. That guy I had lunch with and I have been texting. He's on a trip, so I think it's kind of nice that he's still in contact while he's on vacation. I had a few qualms, but my friend came in from back home and we talked about it and I feel better about it. I wasn't sure when he was back in town so I asked him if he wanted to have coffee ( I'm kid free until Tuesday). He said he's not back until Wednesday but, "I want a raincheck!" Shit. I better work harder at finding a babysitter.

[Guest nonesuch]

THEN he asks me how many times a week I masturbate. Oh no. Then when I wouldn't answer, the question, he asks if I'm sexually inhibited. No jag bag there's a difference between being inhibited and being discerning about who you share it with. Anyway, I got off the phone and he texted me a few times. I saved his number under the name, Gross in case he calls or texts again.

 

I think we have a winner.