Momtojandj Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 So I had a guy message me today .. Look at his profile and says he's seeing someone. So , I responded and asked , if he's trying to collect women .. Could be trouble. Argh ! Hate online Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 I'm thinking Mr. Professorial has watched 50 Shades of Grey one time too many and needs a swift reality check. Um, you don't order a woman to report for a drink and she's all shits and giggles just to do so. Just say no. Make that, hell no. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunshinedaydreamz Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairlanegirl Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 After the 2nd exchange, he then *directed* that we meet on Wednesday night for a drink and then, if sparks fly, I could give him my number.... no please, no would you like to meet, just a directive. Where did gentlemenly courtesy and respect go? And I wonder if there are women who respond to directives like that from strangers and just show up at the designated time and place? I'm mildly curious as to how exactly he 'directed' you? Did he say, "Meet me at such-and-such at this time"? Sometimes things can seem blunter written down than expressed vocally, can't they. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Sunshine...after having been married to a professor...not quite like this guy, though...I have found that some others are a bit direct. They have really well developed aspects in the intellectual realm, but perhaps less well developed aspects in others? They are still awfully good people, and capable of learning. I found with John that I needed to be gentle, but clear about what I liked and didn't like. He wasn't as aware initially, for instance, that he came across as being so much more logical than I was in making decisions. He was able to start seeing that I had a different perspective (more emotional) when it came to decision making and we worked things out well. Maybe give the guy a chance? If not...give him my number? (Kidding...just kidding!) Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bear1956 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 My brief experience--do not lie about your height!! If you say you are 6 ft....but are really 5'7...And I show up all 5'10 of me in 2 inch heels... Well it's embarrassing and awkward. Even new guy said he was 6....nope he's 5'11...No biggie but come on! You can camouflage a few pounds...but height is cut and dry. The other crap I could weed through....but height...nope unless they said 6'3 or above I was prepared for anything I tend to be attracted to short thick gals like my mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bear1956 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 My brief experience--do not lie about your height!! If you say you are 6 ft....but are really 5'7...And I show up all 5'10 of me in 2 inch heels... Well it's embarrassing and awkward. Even new guy said he was 6....nope he's 5'11...No biggie but come on! You can camouflage a few pounds...but height is cut and dry. The other crap I could weed through....but height...nope unless they said 6'3 or above I was prepared for anything I tend to be attracted to short thick gals like my mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunshinedaydreamz Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Your Mom was attracted to short thick girls ? Oh, I read that wrong ( : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bear1956 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Your Mom was attracted to short thick girls ? Oh, I read that wrong ( : I guess a comma was needed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 The latest diary of an on line dating(attempting) widow for your reading pleasure..... So I have had a married man looking for a fwb contacting me constantly. I finally replied with a no hoping to get him to stop....he wants to keep talking as friends....seriously?!?! That guy who thanked me for saving him when I said I wasn't interested a couple weeks ago, contacted me again.....short memory he has! I've had a few nice messages but zero attraction is there for me. I really feel like I'd be wasting both of our time in persuing. Maybe I need to rethink this one...perhaps in person something could be there. I really am not looking for model material, just something in their eyes or smile that says something could be there. I've sent out a few messages. ..crickets so far. More 20 year olds...... And a toe fetish guy...... Stay tuned.....there will be more I am sure, if I decide to stick this out a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Thanks for the update Momtokam...I know....its a jungle out there. When I was dating, I went out with/corresponded with something like 40-50 men before I started dating one guy I really liked. And, I was at one point on 3 dating sites...I saw all kinds, seriously. (I had married guys hitting on me, 20-somethings, guys offering to "loosen me up", guys speculating whether I had too much baggage, guys deciding they were in love right away, etc etc.) I dated some crazies, liars, guys totally not my type but also met some really great men through it - it just takes time and patience. If someone was a "maybe" for me online, I would talk to them on the phone first and then if there was something there I did try a date. I have also established some nice male friendships through all my dating folly - which I am thankful for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Thanks Captains wife. It really helps to hear others experiences. If they are a maybe, I do try and get to know them more. It's the ones that make me say no that I might have to rethink. Still learning as I go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imissdow Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I made liberal use of the block and hide features. In fact at one point I took a look at who I had done this to and it was several pages long. When they asked for a FWB or got rather graphic with what they were seeking from a "date" and it was not anything close to what I was looking for.I figured I was just saving myself some frustration and making the site a little more user friendly to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunshinedaydreamz Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I rarely blocked anyone. I found it much more of a positive tactic to not respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Needytoo Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 This past week I have been chatting with a guy and it is just so extremely painfully boring. I am trying to be patient because lord knows I have writers block as well. He asks how was my day so I told him some details. I didn't want to into too much detail just gave him the highlights. Two minutes after I posted it, he writes back and asks how my day is going? Just don't think there is a match there. I do like what SunshineFl did.I think it is time I follow that path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Glad I am not the only one who feels like this!!! I don't really like online dating, but as most of my friends are married and/or have kids, my social life is pretty dead!!! And I work in an office so don't really meet people through work. I feel like online dating is my online option, which sucks :-\ I have never hidden I am a widow and when I am on match (taken myself off for now, not been on for a few months as currently can't be bothered LOL) I am honest about the fact I am widowed, it hasn't affected anything as far as I am aware I have only actually been on one date through match, the guy said he was "separated" which put me off but he seemed really nice so I went to meet him anyway. He was literally just getting divorced, after being with his wife for 10 years, and I think he literally wanted to meet someone and get straight into a full on serious relationship! Told him I liked him but could we cool off (because he wanted to see me ALL the time, I have a job ha!) and then just as I decided to give things a go, he said he had started seeing someone else and after TWO DATES they were going to give things ago So after that I gave up, I am however been persuaded to go speed dating in a couple of weeks, let's see what that brings!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunshinedaydreamz Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 ^^^^ Well he is obviously hot on the trail for a new relationship in the midst of not even being seperated that long ?? Better for you, you should never settle for someone not over a marriage. He's got a long way to go, and from experience, many seperated people all of a sudden try to make amends and go back to their exes. You certainly deserve more ! And never, ever, settle, for second best. You're the most important person, in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Playing devil's advocate here: I knew a man who'd been separated for years. He didn't bother to start divorce proceedings until he met someone special. On the other hand, I met two men who were separated and told me they had no intentions of getting divorced. One had a good-ish reason, one said he had no reason to actually divorce. I took that to mean, "no matter how long we date, I'll never make a commitment to you. I'll always have an excuse to opt out of our relationship, if I decide to give my marriage one last chance. You can't possibly think poorly of me for doing that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I'll always have an excuse to opt out of our relationship, if I decide to give my marriage one last chance. You can't possibly think poorly of me for doing that." You may be surprised Skippy. I do give him an 'A' for honesty though. I was always surprised when one of my late wife's friends tried to fix me up with a friend that was still married. "It's complicated" they'd say. "No it isn't" I'd say. If you are willing to date while still married, that tells me something about you - that assessment which with I'm sure you'd violently disagree. Now that doesn't mean I wouldn't go out with you and be open to any and all types of fun that adults may have. But as far as a potential long term prospect - your chances are now at zero. Good luck - Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunshinedaydreamz Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 There is a difference to me between married (physically seperated pending actually divorce), and just, married. If there are young children involved it becomes even more complicated. I wouldn't have plans with someone not filing or still living together, true. But each situation is unique. One size doesn't fit all. The same could be said dating someone hung up on an ex, or just wanting to casually date. If you are considering a future with someone married, best to not get your hopes high just yet. Just an opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 I am however been persuaded to go speed dating in a couple of weeks, let's see what that brings!! Catherine, I am thinking about speed dating as well. I am trying to convince a friend to go with me in September. Let us know how it goes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I will!! Was meant to be going on Friday, but me and my friend are going on holiday a week on Saturday, so we have decided to go when we get back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 If Match is the same everywhere then I find it really difficult to navigate. It is hard to follow a conversation and I have missed a couple of responses from people for some reason. All good though because: This guy is probably a keeper right One of my best friends is on the same dating site as me and we often have the same men contact us, recently one guy arranged to meet us both on the same day, same place, 2 hours apart. We both decided not to go and told him we were friends and he vanished. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunshinedaydreamz Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Yes certainly a keeper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 One of my best friends is on the same dating site as me and we often have the same men contact us, recently one guy arranged to meet us both on the same day, same place, 2 hours apart. We both decided not to go and told him we were friends and he vanished. Interesting Helen. I honestly do not see the issue. Planning a day like that does not automatically make the man a cad. Neither of you had met him before so there was no relationship in any fashion between the man and either you or your friend. To my mind, there was no disrespect to either of you by the guy. Nothing has been promised or even, most likely, implied yet. Everyone was at the very beginning of only an introduction. He owed you nothing more than being a gentleman when he met you. Perhaps I am missing the boat here - are you wanting a fellow to not ask anyone else out when he is simply trying to meet you for the first time? There is a chance you both missed an opportunity to meet a good man. Best wishes - Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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