Cardiac amputation

[Ursula]

I am hovering around 1.5 years. I have gone inward, I curl emotionally back into my snail shell, I don't start to talk about 'it', only if people ask and insist on answers. I don't really have the answers. My heart is breaking every single day, some days multiple times, some days almost not. I have a friend who is a quadruple amputee. She shows incredible strength. I don't know how she motivates herself everyday, but somehow she battles on. For her it is the live before and after her illness, for me and us it is before and after our partners died. The say in amputees it is phantom pain, pain from the no longer existing limb/s. I think it is just pain caused by the loss of a part of one. It must be just the same with heartbreak after loosing yous spouse , the continuing pain is there because of the love it once was, and the heart that just keeps functioning, because that is what it was made for.

[Amor]

Ursula,

That thought is very well put.  I agree with you. 

Wishing you good memories and peace.

Amor

[widowat33]

Yes. It does feel like a part of you is missing.

My dh had lost his ring finger a few years ago, he had the phantom sensation, his missing finger would itch, and he would forget it wasn't there causing loose change and once a pet fish,lol, to slip through his fingers. The only difference between his experience and what I'm feeling now is that he would forget it was gone and it only lasted a few weeks, while I'm reminded every day that he's not here and it will last forever.

After he died my fb post stated that I knew why your spouse was called your other half, because without them you feel like you've been broken in two, like there's a part of you missing.

You put it much more eloquently than I could.

((Hugs))

[RobFTC]

I do sometimes wonder what actual amputees think of these musings.

 

But I do think there are some parallels.  It seems like I will adjust to not having Michelle here, but that it will never feel normal.  And maybe I will manage to get someone else to be with, like a prosthesis, but there will still be that phantom sensation, and pain sometimes.  I hope I get a great prosthesis.  Not sure if I want the serious cosmetic match or a high-tech model that's visible for all to see :-)

 

Take care,

Rob T

[Ursula]

Thank you all for your replies.

Rob, I did actually talk to my friend about this, and you won't believe , she said, you know I lost hands and legs, but I cannot imagine what you are going through. I was silent then. And she is getting married in September, which is just great! I am in awe of her.

 

We are probably all just handicapped. It is like having a heart with a limp....it just does not feel the same anymore. My heart cannot jump with joy anymore, it just hops along kinda lopsided...

[Carey]

a heart with  a limp.  wow.  That is EXACTLY what it is.  Somedays you feel like you need two crutches to make it out the door, some days you want to just rest in a wheelchair and let someone else do the pushing. Some days, a cane is enough ... just a little help.  But even with nothing, the limp will always be there, obvious if anyone watches you.  That's profound. 

[Jen]

We are probably all just handicapped. It is like having a heart with a limp....it just does not feel the same anymore. My heart cannot jump with joy anymore, it just hops along kinda lopsided...

 

Perfectly stated. ((((®)))))

 

Here's my sad and poignant little hope: eventually, someday, our limps will smooth out. Maybe our hearts will even soar.

 

It could happen, right? <3

 

 

[Ursula]

I haven't figured out the quoting properly yet, but I am quoting Jenni (above):  It could happen, right? <3

 

Call me when yours does and mine will do just because yours does!!!!!

Everything is possible, but WHERE and WHEN ??? and HOW ??? ...

 

(((J)))