Confussed

[Chopperette]

This is long, sorry in advance.....

 

Two weeks ago, my mom had a transient ischemic attack. Fortunately she is recuperating at gigantic steps.  My kids and I had a very rough time that day, since my LH had a ruptured brain aneurysm it was like reliving the same thing again it even happened on a Sunday in March as it did to him.  By now, my mom has told and retold what she felt and she says she was conscious of her surroundings all the time, but she simply couldn't respond. (She lost speech and movement of her entire right side)

Yesterday was my aunt's birthday and we were discussing with my cousin about how a friend of his father must feel since he had a stroke 6 years ago and can't speak and has no movement on his right arm. Well long story short a few minutes later said friend showed up.  I was so heartbroken to see a bright man be treated like he couldn't understand. My cousin hauled me to him and asked him loudly and slowly, mind you, if he remembered me. Of course his eyes had a twinkle and he gave me a hug. He was a cool old guy when I was a teenager so we got along very well. 

Of course this got me to think about DH and believe it or not it brought me comfort that he didn't survive and was left in a living hell.  Of course a second later I felt ashamed for thinking that way!!  I would give anything to have him back!

 

Sorry for the rambling but this was just too much for me 

 

[anniegirl]

I still feel thrown back when I encounter people with dementia. My husband suffered from it as part of the progression of his illness.

 

I can't even watch movies or tv where a character has any kind of memory loss (and it's often used for comedic purposes, which makes it even worse).

 

Sorry you had back to back rough encounters. Good to hear that your Mom is going to be okay.

 

It gets easier over time but there might be things that are always just uncomfortable or hard. You learn to deal with it though. Or avoid. I like avoid but I can deal too. It's just a time thing.

 

[Virgo]

My mom had ALS, so I know what you mean. I hated the way people treated her. Toward the end my dad and I were unable to take care of her needs, so we admitted her to a nursing home. It was a hard decision. The staff treated her like she was hearing impaired or mentally disabled. I repeatedly told them that she was well aware and could hear everything going on in her surroundings. ALS does sometimes affect hearing, but that wasn't the case with my mom. It did affect her speech, so it was very difficult communicating with her. If only she could have signed, but she also lost the movement in her arms and hands. The only movement she had left was a little in her neck and ankles. Awful disease! My husband said many times during his treatments that he felt blessed in comparison. My mom passed away just 3 months before my husband, 5 years after her first symptoms.

[Mangomom]

Of course this got me to think about DH and believe it or not it brought me comfort that he didn't survive and was left in a living hell.  Of course a second later I felt ashamed for thinking that way!!  I would give anything to have him back.

I feel the same way.  If my DH would have survived, he would have been severely handicapped.  Going from vibrant and full of life to that would have been harder for him to accept than the impact of his death on his family.  And then I feel like hell for even thinking that his death was better.  Because it most certainly was not.

 

I'm glad your mother is recuperating so well.

[Chopperette]

Thank you for your comments. It is good to know that I'm not alone in this line of thought. 

[linda5]

I've often wondered if my husband was given a chance to live, but with some brain damage or physical impairments, would he have taken it?  He died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism.  The paramedics revived him 3 times in the ambulance.  I wonder if he died to make my life (and our daughters) lives easier.  I would have lived in a shoe box if I could just have him back.