Guest Mel4072 Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 Tonight I was on the patio with my fianc?. A woman walked by and I could see her craning to look at his patio. I could also see her ambition to see if he was there. When she saw me, she turned very quickly. Well..... I find him attractive. Could it just be that he is attractive? He saw her but didn't react to her. Hmmmmm.... I'm not sure where this little monster dwells within me. And why does it rear its ugly head? I know what love and stability are. Surely I didn't forget. I'm kind of shocked that I would feel this way. Jealous? Over some blonde? Geez... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I say, "I'm not jealous - I'm possessive." Like it makes it better hahahaha! He's yours! It's ok. I think it's healthy and natural to be a bit territorial/protective/possessive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mel4072 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Thanks Mitzpah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merrylea Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 I think that everyone is different. I can honestly say that I am not a very jealous person, either with my late husband or current BF. Maybe its that in both relationships felt and feel so secure in their feelings for me, that if someone is ogling them up, it makes me smile, knowing that this highly desirable person loves me, and is going home with me. Late husband was English (in America) and he had so many people that would start chatting him up with.... "I love your accent!" I would usually just take a back seat and watch; it was a bonus if he could get a drink out of it! I think some amount of jealously is normal with most people. I do think it crosses a line when you don't allow your partner to be friends with opposite sexes, or talk to the opposite sex, or get upset when they are working with attractive people and make them change jobs, (all scenarios I have heard very recently!) and may be indicative of some other issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mawidow Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Agreed with others: jealousy and envy are normal human emotions. It's what we do with them that makes all the difference. For me, jealousy is an indicator that I care and am invested in the relationship. If my bf has been emotionally supportive and affirming, then I know that I have some work to do on my self-confidence. If I need more affirmation or information about our relationship, it's an opportunity for communication. It is VERY disorienting to be in a fledgling relationship after decades of marriage. All kinds of emotions surface for me, including irrational insecurities. So be it... Sending support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunshinedaydreamz Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Unless it's his ex, you should feel flattered he is with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mel4072 Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 It is very disorienting. I am discovering many new things about myself. I'm not controlling or demeaning. Just shocked that I would feel that emotion. I know not to act on it. The insecurity comes from the newness of the relationship. It also comes from the experience of losing my spouse. New life. New love. Sigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSAAT Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Mel, I know I have felt uncomfortable at times when a situation has risen (similar to the one you mentioned). I would not say i have felt jealous, but definitely uncomfortable. I think that is because I am really into my NG. I know he would never act inappropriately, i know it is just my insecurity that has snuck up on me to remind me that I am invested in this great person. I, too, have not acted on it, but just have observed it. And my NG is super in tune with me and himself, so I know that he has picked up on some degree of discomfort from me. We are just navigating these new waters. Sometimes I get so excited that I feel I will actually implode, and other times I feel the real insecurity or fear of losing something that is beyond any expectation I had. It is an exciting and strange experience, but very grateful to be where I am at. Just want you to know I can relate and that I understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
downinahole Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Why didn?t you just ask your boyfriend if he knew the woman? Am I missing something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mel4072 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Downinahole, it isn't about other people, it's about a strange emotion that I haven't felt in many years. It was unexpected. I was just surprised by the feeling of jealousy and protectiveness over my current relationship. Like a Mama Bear protecting her young. I know better than to worry because worry doesn't help. If I'd seen any indication of recognition then I would've asked who she was but he showed no acknowledgement whatsoever. The heart is a funny muscle. As I'm sitting with him, I'm growing more in love and secure with him. I know that I am ok after my loss, it hasn't been easy and still isn't. But I am ok. I find great comfort in my new guy that I didn't anticipate. Romantic love does happen to wids. And it really kind of feels like being struck by lightening. A quick zap leaving me feeling completely disoriented. Completely vulnerable. Again, that sense of not being in control leaves me a little bewildered. It makes me stop and take a look at my heart and realize it was never mine to begin with, it was made to love. I am Ms. Independent, driven, confident, secure, bright, happy. I didn't know there was a part of me that was so vulnerable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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