Guest TooSoon Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 It is Friday and I am exhausted after my first week back teaching combined with jet lag from having been in the UK pretty much right up until I had to be in the classroom this week. Things are good. My daughter is really thriving; my house is still a mess but that's largely because it is not a priority right now. My research is in full swing for real, at long last. I am very much in love with my far away boy friend and I'm not sure we could be any happier after the summer we've had and the plans we have for the future. Yet the nights. Nights just about slay me. No one to talk to. Too tired to do much of anything productive. Tired of not being able to find constructive ways to pass the hours from 8 to my own bedtime. The silence is deafening. The loneliness, though short lived, is this thing I've come to fear. I do not want the post-dinner hours to come as they are just a harbinger of still more hours to confront. I cannot focus on anything. Not a movie (must get up 20 times) or a book (though somehow I manage to get through them). When everything else seems to be in place and so much of life is so good why can I not conquer the evenings? Insert expletive starting with f here. Argh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManutesGirl Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 It's weekend nights that slay me. I handle the days ok but the night s seem so long still. I'm not sure I will ever not miss our Saturday happy hours, dinner, fire pit , etc... And totally off topic. My niece is back for her sophomore year. I'll let you know if I nake it up there to visit. And if you need a babysitter she is awesome...her schedule can be crazy but... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hikermom Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Not much to say except I get it. Evenings are okay for me but weekends are brutally hard. It is still a process to find the new normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mawidow Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 yes, the nights. Too tired to live up to my best aspirations, to be productive, or to think creatively about taking care of myself. Emotions that were put on pause during the day come back full force. Desire to eat everything that's not nailed down. You are doing so much - and none of it easy - sending much love and suport. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 you know, I've been able to reverse/correct behaviors that I felt were counterproductive to my recovery - all sorts of things from building up the gumption to keep all of my commitments (something I was terrible at for a long time after Scott died) to weaning off medication to forcing myself to sit down for dinner at The Table with my daughter every night but I CANNOT seem to master these long lonely nights (and yes, weekends are the worst). I've tried so many strategies but they still hold sway over me. And honestly, at this point, it is really just irritating the hell out of me. Nothing seems to work. Argh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imissdow Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 With 2 teens my evenings are not normally quiet and I go to bed early as I get up at 5. However the evenings are still very lonely. There is a huge difference between having people around and having people I can talk and discuss things that are important to me. I have a good sized circle of friends ones that help me out over and over. Friends that I can talk to about almost anything. Yet in the evenings they are home with their families and I am here with mine, very much alone. This weekend I'm having a graduation party at a friends house for my oldest. It will be fun, I have about 25 people coming. If it was my other DD it would be twice as big. I'm tired. After the party I will be even more tired. I will get to talk to several friends, it will be good. However I wish I had someone to share all the little things with. When I come home I will still be in charge of 3 kids. I will still need to be the adult and I'm tired of being the adult. If you happen to find a solution that I would love to hear it. I have a busy full life, I don't spend a lot of time at home alone, yet I'm still lonely and wish I had someone to come home to who I don't need to take care of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 You hit the nail right on the head, IMD. I feel like I am just singing the same old song anymore. All I want is someone to say good morning. Someone to ask me how my day was. Someone to back me up, build me up, be there when I just cannot even. Someone to tell the inane stories of my workday that no one but a partner would ever have the energy for. Someone to pick up a few things at the grocery store on the way home from work (someone that is not me) so that dinner can be nice rather than makeshift. Someone to eat that dinner with. Someone with whom I can laugh about the inanities of conversing with an 8 year old girl. Part of me feels guilty even saying any of this because of Andy but Andy is far far away and as a result, daily life has not changed for me in any significant way. It still royally sucks, especially after dinner when the child retreats with her device and I am alone. And I am tired too. I wish I could work at night like I used to but my brain is just fried. And I am lonely. It is so so so weird and I loathe it. I mean, it's still August and I'm already in a state of terror as to how I am going to survive winter again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeeh Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I get it TooSoon. How about having an actual dinner, and not just eating whatever you can throw together. Dinner meaning eating with someone and not just filling your empty belly. Someone to tell our stories to without having to explain who everyone is and what they do. Evenings are the time you have to think. Think about being alone. During the day you have work and some people around you to distract you and keep your mind off things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 From an old song: "I make it all right / from Monday morning to Friday night But oh, those lonely weekends!" Weekends are not so bad for me lately, but ... Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 can so relate and am worried it's just going to get worse...... by this time next week it will just be me and my cat in the house as both my boys will be off to University. Empty nest time......time to enjoy life as a couple once again........oh crap that ain't going to work....dh is dead! Just venting .... I'm sure I'll get through this and figure things out. onwards and forwards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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