Wheelerswife Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Six years ago tonight was the last night I had with my first love, Barry. We spent the night in the ICU in a large teaching hospital. This ICU had been our "home" a few times before. This time, he was clearly dying, confused, but animated. I never got a clear indication that he knew he was dying. I didn?t tell him. More than anything, I wanted him to be free of fear and pain and to know he was loved. I had promised him over the years - because we had had the death talk several times ? that I would be with him as he died and I would do everything in my power to keep him from suffering. Fortunately, for him, they dying process was fairly short. He went to sleep for the last time about 11 in the morning on September 22, 2009 and remained in a coma until his last breath at 6:24 PM that afternoon. I?ve relived his last days over and over in my head in the last 6 years. Fortunately, the intensity of those memories has faded over time and I remember more of the loving and happy times of our life together. We were together over 18 years. He has now been gone for 6. So much has transpired since he died. I?m sad tonight. I miss him. I miss him. I can't help but miss both of my guys tonight. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovedroses Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I'm here with you - it will be six years next month. I still wake up some mornings surprised that he's not next to me. Like you, I miss him. All the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 June 2009. It is strange seeing all of us reach these milestones after all these years. I dont know what I would have done with out the class of 2008 and 2009 and all the rest. wishing you some peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WifeLess Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Wheelerswife, August 2009. At first I didn't think I would last more than a few weeks, but now it's been 6 years. Very difficult to believe that so much time has passed. --- WifeLess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mancino Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 (((Maureen))) Fellow September 2009, too. I can't believe six years have gone by already. As my birthday approaches at the end of this week, I am really feeling the passage of time. He always joked about how he married a younger woman (there were 10 years between us); now I'm starting to "catch up" to him. Hard to imagine it some days and really hard to imagine how he would have aged. It's crazy what thoughts take up space in my widda brain some days... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 It is interesting how this day has progressed. I went to work this morning for a 4 hour shift. I have a class this evening. I cancelled everything in between and I came home....and I purged. I've had lots of file cabinet space monopolized by outdated educational materials from a career I left behind five years ago. That life...long behind me, really. I also found old medical records and other documents from a life (lives, really, for both of us) long gone. Much of that was purged as well. It really isn't significant in terms of history. Nobody out there is going to care about anything I threw away. I saved some certificates and our volunteer recognition award from 20 years ago when we contributed to the well-being of our community. But who needs the application to get him on Medicaid to cover his 24 hour care needs and ventilators? Who needs our old homeowners insurance policies? Why am I keeping handouts from courses I taught 20 years ago? I lugged all of this paper, most of it unworthy of shredding, out to the alley for trash pick-up tomorrow. Maybe now I will have some room for my current life's paperwork, and my desk won't be so crowded. My throat is tight, the tears are close. But I know that old life is in my past. I know that my only choice is to try to live the life I have right now. I wish it didn't have to be this way right now, though. Missing both of my guys.... Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Sending you love and the tightest of hugs, Maureen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SimiRed Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 September 2009, checking in.... Maureen...Lots of Hugs! Paperwork, yea, for some reason I still have the application for when we bought our house in NC. That house has been sold twice now since I've left. Lots of love and always...sending you my best!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilchicken Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Hi old friends (and not so old haha). This post was nice to see as finally signed up here. 6 yrs tomorrow and feeling pretty tired and emotional but I am also 38 weeks pregnant so there may be other contributors. Dreading being in the hospital for the birth as still find that a very hard place to be but life is really good for us - as many of you know. I have been blessed twice with a wonderful husband but still sometimes think about my life and current marriage and daughter and how I only have them because my beautiful husband lost his precious life. I am still blessed in my relationship with my late husband's family though. I and my family attended his sisters wedding this year and I sat next to his mum and held her hand when at the beginning of the service they acknowledged those who could not be there. I think he would have been so happy to see us all together - still a family I am happy that so many of you are really embracing life too despite what we have lost. Maureen - I was and am so sorry for your unthinkable second loss. I hope we will all keep in touch Peace to you all Helen /lilchicken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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