Angry

[MrsDan]

Today I am so angry at Dan. I don't know why today, I'm just so angry. I'm so sick of having to do every fucking thing myself. Of having to constantly ask for favors, and see the look on people's faces when they really don't want to oblige. I'm angry at feeling so sad all the time. I'm angry that I have no time to myself. Angry that DD doesn't need anyone as much as she needs me. Today I don't care that it was a disease. I'm sick of feeling guilty that he died. Sick of hating life. Sick of people who bail, who don't do what they say they are going to do. Sick of no one following up with me, of being the one who always has to chase people down to get things done.

 

I just had to get this out because I have been so angry all day and as a result I've been a royal fucking bitch to my daughter all day. I'm angry at him for making me a terrible mother, of robbing me of being the mother I should have been.

[Bluebird]

Hi MrsDan,

 

Yep. I get it. Sometimes that anger builds up and it's got to come out somehow.

 

Hoping a new day brings some relief,

 

Take care, Bluebird.

[Bunny]

I'm sorry, Mrs Dan. The anger really sucks. I'm trying to let go of it myself, but when my mind starts looping onto the bad parts, it can really spiral out of control. It's frustrating, because it can make me start questioning that maybe I just made up how happy we were. It feels like it must have been someone else's life. I hate it. It's his birthday today and my old, sickly, feral cat has gone missing- so now I'm back to the guilt of not being able to keep anyone alive.

 

I'm so sorry you're struggling.

[Carey]

right. here. with. you.  Can't offer any help obviously but I'm angry at Chad today too.  Angry at myself. The situation and life in general

[Guest April]

I have been in your shoes.. I was just mad.. sometimes still get mad.. I'm left to do everything myself.. honestly.. I kind of was already doing it all myself before he passed..

 

until.. I saw a medium.. it is taboo in my religion.. "the devils work".. but I went.. and as this woman spoke for him.. all I could do was cry.. he was sorry he left me to raise our 4 children alone.. he had specific instructions for me to follow so our family was financially taken care of.. even making sure I got the oil changed in my car lol..  he wanted me to give my oldest son a message.. my son carried a lot of guilt because he fought with him before my husband took his own life.. he told my son.. it wasn't his fault.. and that he had every right to hit him.. that he was the man of the house now..

 

I can't tell you how much this has helped me and my son to heal.. it's given us closure.. it mad me not angry anymore.. yes.. I cried for 5 days after that.. but.. I needed to.. I needed to grieve.

 

I hope you can find a way to let go of the anger.. it is hard and frustrating to do it all alone.. people don't really want to help.

 

Lots of hugs

[Skitwin]

If you would care to share the contact info of that medium, I would be very grateful. I am looking, but so far have had a string of phonies.

[Guest April]

I saw her in person and had to wait over a month.. so I guess you would have to be from my area.. I'm in Jersey.. let me know if you still want it.