Sellng my house

[imissdow]

So I have been struggling with this decision for almost a year.  I love my house. My Dh and I rehabbed the whole thing. Ripped walls down to the studs put in new wiring , insulted and dry walled every room. We spent a lot of time and money here. My girls want to move. The schools when we moved her were decent. they now have a D rating. The neighborhood was quiet with no crime 12 years ago. Now I can't leave anything unlocked or It may not be here when I get back.  It's time. I have a appointment with a Realtor on Thursday for a value on my house and such.  I'm hoping I can get what I need to get the type of new home that I want. I have chosen a new area for us, one with basically no crime, a decent yet much smaller school , a lot more rural , yet still has a grocery store but no traffic lights,and a commute that is less then 30 minutes.  I have had about my fill of ethnic diversity for awhile. For what ever reason here it seems to translate into racial tension/hostility more then anything else and I'm tired of it. I want out  of the city if I could find a new job I would  never come back.  20 years ago when I bought my first home I loved this city.

 

I'm finding the idea of leaving my house to be harder then I expected.  I met my DH shortly after buying this place and we spent our lives together here.  I want to leave this neighborhood but not this house. My stomach is in knots. I haven't slept thru the night in a week.  I know in my head that I'm making the right choice but I'm really scared.  My friend all tell me I should have made this move a few years ago. They are probably right however that information is hardly helpful.  Home values are going down and I would really like out before I have to walk away with nothing.  Last time I sold/bought a house I lost 20 lbs. I really don't like the I'm so nervous/scared I can't eat diet.  I'm also not looking forward to a new 30 year loan. I was down to less then 10 years.  Even if I can get more then I'm expecting I still expect end up with a 30 year mortgage any less is not affordable for me and the houses I'm looking at are very modest. 

 

I know I'm making the right choice but that doesn't mean it's easy.  In my life it seems like the right choices are very hard.

 

 

[donswife]

oh I so understand loving a redone house

don and I ,like you and you husband ,ripped this place down and built it back up

I see him and us in every window trim, wood floor ,painted wall...  etc

I remember ,as I am sure you do, the fun and laughter (and f' bomb's) during those times

I am able to stay here for now but know at some time I will have to sell her ,

it will be heartbreaking for you but sounds like the best move for you and your kids

and yes right now all the choices we have to make are so hard especially the right choices

Good luck with the Realtor and hope you get what you need to help ease in the decision

 

[DansSoulmate]

I certainly can relate, we sold the house in Illinois to move to north Carolina just in the nick of time to enable us to get our money out of it.  It was sad as we designed and oversaw every aspect of the design and construction but the area was in decline.  I have now sold the house we built here in North Carolina that had lots of sweat equity but it's been a really important step forward for me in my journey.  Yes its been scary/terrifying with several intense moments of second guessing but at this point in the process I'm absolutely confident it's what i needed to do.  I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

[BrokenHeart2]

Imissdow, I'm hearing you!  DH and I built our home 15 yrs ago and I'm calling relestate agents today to start the process. My heart is breaking but I know it's the right thing for me to do.

Hugs to you!

[Sugarbell]

Oh I get this.

 

We've been in this hone for 15 years...I love the house and my neighborhood-but know in my gut it's the right decision to sell and move: I have been having nostalgic moments..and I know for the money I will never find a house like this again. We wheeled and sealed-they were desperate to sell and got a killer deal back in the day.

 

But like you..the schools-1i know my kids need outta there (at least at the high school) and there are more opportunities in the town we are moving too-and family will be close by-but I still have moments-with the house and my neighbors.

 

Ben loved this house and loved the large lots and old trees in our neighborhood-Just as my kids do.But I know I am making the right decision to love. But I still have moments.

[sojourner]

I feel for you! We designed our house here to be our dream home, where we'd live basically until we died. And LH did- just several decades sooner than pictured.

 

While I still love it so much, it no longer works without him here, and I know I need to move closer to family & to job opportunities. I put it on the market last summer once some maintenance projects were completed, but it's a hard sell. It's towards the higher end for my area, since we put extras into the property with our long-term plans. Took it off the market for the school year, as I don't want a midyear school change for the kids. It goes back on in early spring, which is better timing.  Breaks my heart, but it has to be done, so hopefully better luck this time. I know too I'll never have a house as great as this one is again, and it has so many memories, hopes and dreams. But then, it also holds the memories of the loss of those hopes and dreams along with memories of my LH's cancer diagnosis, decline, and then losing him.

[Trying]

We built our dream home also and even though selling was the right decision and I don't regret it, it was a very emotional process. I will tell you that once the move was completed I felt a huge relief and feel lighter in a lot of ways.

I wish you the best as you take this on.

[twistedmensa]

I had to sell our house immediately after DH died. As someone else posted, we intended to die there, and he did...just way too soon and there was no way I could survive in the Florida Keys with a family on my reduced income. Moving was a very mixed blessing. I lost all of my friends, gave up a job I absolutely adored and lost a lifestyle than cannot be duplicated in a landlocked area. Instead of jumping into the ocean from my backyard, I am looking at a brick wall. But there have been perks to relocating. The cost of living is SUBSTANTIALLY lower here, so my house is newer, larger and has more upgrades. My son has more friends who live closer and my family as well as DH's family is located here. Plus, there are far more job opportunities here...both for me and for kids when that time comes.

 

I try to focus on all of the positives, and there are many if I take the time to consider them. It's too easy to get bogged down in all of the negatives. I try to remember that above all, he would want me and the kids to be happy. I don't want his legacy to be that his death caused the ruination of our family.

 

It's always scary to take that first big step, and even more so now that we no longer have the support of our spouse. Buying a new house and moving away from our dream sucks...no doubt it...but there are new dreams to be had and I carry him with me in my heart and I know he is still cheering me on.

[Justin]

I try to focus on all of the positives, and there are many if I take the time to consider them. It's too easy to get bogged down in all of the negatives. I try to remember that above all, he would want me and the kids to be happy. I don't want his legacy to be that his death caused the ruination of our family.

 

It's always scary to take that first big step, and even more so now that we no longer have the support of our spouse. Buying a new house and moving away from our dream sucks...no doubt it...but there are new dreams to be had and I carry him with me in my heart and I know he is still cheering me on.

 

I think this is great advice. I try my best to be grateful for all of the things that are going right with my life, and have to admit things are mostly going great. It pains me to close that first chapter of my life, but it is over and it is now time to write the next one.

[Guest Munsen]

I 'hear you'....I'm planning on listing my house in the spring and it will be hard to do as I love my house. Unfortunately, I have grown to dislike this small community intensely over the past nearly 5 years. I have had all the negative attention but none of the small town helpfulness. If that makes sense.

 

I'm tired of people watching my every move when I'm downtown and feeling free to comment on everything from whether I'm dating yet or what's in my grocery cart. (I'm not joking btw). I'm not paranoid, honestly. In fact, just a couple of months ago, a woman who'd just started working at the nursing home that my Mom is in, took it upon herself to re-introduce herself to me as we haven't talked since before hubby's funeral, and go on and on about how she USED to be so jealous of me that she could hardly bear to speak to me....I've rarely wanted to bitch-slap someone so badly.

 

Anyway, I've taken my time making this decision because moving is expensive and where I would move to, the houses are decidedly more expensive. Plus, 5 years ago, all my kids still lived in this community. Since then, 2 have moved away and the other is planning on doing the same so I will shortly have nothing to hold me here.

 

I truly feel that going somewhere else would help me make a fresh start and make some friends who are willing to ask me to do stuff with them as the few friends here ignore me until I ask (repeatedly!) to come for a visit. I want friends that actually want my company not just tolerate me every few months. Surely, there are other 50-ish year old single females that want to go for dinner or to a show once in a while...those here that I used to be friends with, don't want me around as I'm competition to the available males and they don't seem to 'get it' that I'm not interested in any of them anyway!

 

I am trying to be positive and rebuild but I think I would be free-er to do so in a place where I'm not judged & compared to the former me!

[MrsDan]

Munsen! So glad to see you!

[BrokenHeart2]

Munsen, you took the words out of my mouth. Age and all (except the kids, I have 2 stepkids and things are getting sadly different). It is what it is.  I had an agent in last week, shooting for the late winter/early spring to sell. Time to move forward with my life wherever that may take me. Not happy about it at all because I didn't choose it but like all of us, we have to figure it out.