DansSoulmate

This is my second Christmas without Dan and am spending Christmas eve with my daughter's in-laws then Christmas with my new grandson and both daughters and son in laws. Last year I was still in shock so this year I feel the absence much more but am going to power through this. I hope everyone has a peaceful holiday.

1. Took both daughters to brunch and a holiday theatre matinee performance. We are going to make this a yearly tradition. 2. Stores are open 24 hours so I shopped at midnight on Friday with no crowds and finished my shopping. I was able to get a present gift wrapped for free at one store so less to wrap. 3. Spent 5 hours Saturday reconnecting with a high school classmate who lives near my new home. She grew up with Dan so it was fabulous to reminisce.

North carolina, recently relocated from Greensboro to the Raleigh area and absolutely loving it!! We have several very active widows meet up groups here that are wonderful.

At 14 months out and going into my second holiday season, I have found that making a strong effort to begin new traditions has lessened the sadness. Perhaps do something you have never done before such as volunteering or taking a quick trip to somewhere special. But what keeps me going is the knowledge that I am truly blessed to see each sunrise and sunset..that's a wonderful gift. Happy thanksgiving to everyone!

I certainly can relate, we sold the house in Illinois to move to north Carolina just in the nick of time to enable us to get our money out of it. It was sad as we designed and oversaw every aspect of the design and construction but the area was in decline. I have now sold the house we built here in North Carolina that had lots of sweat equity but it's been a really important step forward for me in my journey. Yes its been scary/terrifying with several intense moments of second guessing but at this point in the process I'm absolutely confident it's what i needed to do. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

I think you made the right decision. I too live in the country and last february i had a good size tree fall across my road to the house. Dan had bought a fancy Stihl chainsaw a few months before he died so it's a good size piece of equipment. I cleared as much as I could on my own and called someone who had experience with a chainsaw. As soon as he took a look at it he recognized it needed some adjustments before he used it. He also had enough experience to know how to work it to prevent it from getting stuck. In my opinion it's really a task for someone with lots of experience. But I'm a city girl raised on an air force base, so the weed eater and cub cadet are the only tools I've even considered using in dan's collection. Good luck!

So, I do believe it's really important to get out there even it is just with guy friends right now. Just think maybe your future new guy is a friend of a friend who you would only meet if you show up somewhere? Be brave! I recently described the experience at a music/dance venue for "mature adults" as an 8th grade dance..ladies huddled in one area and guys on the other side. Lucky for me I was there with a real extrovert so it wasn't a problem, she was all over the place making small talk. My advice..get a sidekick who has too much self confidence and go have a good time!

Best wishes to you! I'm at the tail end of repairs, decluttering, and packing after selling my house and it has been a lot of work but well worth it. We actually moved here to ensure both my girls received an excellent education and it was the best decision we ever made in our lives. It absolutely set our kids up for much success in their chosen careers. I hate to think how different their lives would have been had we stayed put and had them attend schools that were just not up to par. Sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

Wow, how shockingly insensitive and naive (not to mention laughable) to think a replacement spouse fixes everything. I believe that ties must be cut or minimally distance needs to be put between you and anyone who continually brings pain into your life. Take care of yourself!

I think this is a wonderful idea and if you haven't treated yourself to some pampering you should put it on your list of things to do. I was fortunate to receive gift cards that have helped defray the cost and in one case it was free because the student needed the hours. Beyond touch though there is another helpful aspect for me and that's just warmth and the transfer of positive energy. I remember early on sitting in a movie theater next to a big burly guy who was really warm (like a furnace) so I moved my arm closer to his to catch the warmth, lol. But I think massages, facials, pedicures, and manicures are just a start for taking care of yourself in this stressful time. I think other tools such as meditation and aromatherapy, among others, can be useful too.

On Sunday, 9/27/15, it will be the first anniversary of Dan?s death so I wanted to share my thoughts and reflections about the last year in a unique way..using the letters of his name. D is for determination to fight through the pain and to find the strength to take on each day with as much confidence, courage and fearlessness as I can find A is for adaptability to adjust my path in life and be open to new things recognizing that so much is beyond our control N is for neutrality to stop participating in conflict and hateful behavior to begin to achieve a much more peaceful life I is for innovation and flexibility to confront challenges and, most importantly, change head on E is for endurance to continue the personal growth and development that occurs as we all inevitably evolve and transform into someone else who now has been through a very painful and devastating life experience L is for love to share it, never take it for granted and to be grateful for it It?s hard for me to believe it?s been a year since I started this awful journey, so much has changed. But, by taking it one day at a time, trying my best to stay positive and keeping my head up, I am doing alright?not wonderful or awesome, just alright and that works for now. As we all pass through these anniversaries/milestones, whether it be weeks, months or years, I wish everyone on this board positive thoughts, many blessings and peace as you travel along your own path.

I wanted to share that I just finished "American Wife" by Taya Kyle, Chris Kyle's widow, and have so much respect for her. Her thoughts on the grief process really resonated with me. While I have had a tough time this last year, reading her story certainly reminded me that others have far bigger challenges in their grief journey.

Much like brenda, early on I began dispositioning dan's items first starting with his business assets and then took a break for a few months. Within the last few months I've been finishing up as I'll be moving in a few months. I'm glad I started early with the business assets because they were specialty items with a rather small market of potential buyers. I did it all myself so that I would know who bought each item and it was great meeting them. Each item went to just the right person so it actually turned out to be very healing. At a year in a few weeks, I'm in the final phase of decluttering. I've saved out several clothing items to make memory pieces and the rest went to a nonprofit. For me it has taken a year but I think once you start, it will get easier.

My absolute favorite quote right now: There?s this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It?s the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me. Gretchen Kemp

A few others..the girls and I recently painted an old dresser that dan and i stained 25 years ago with chalk paint and then put new pewter pulls on it. It looks brand new and adorable in the nursery. I also am a big fan of spray paint to breath new life into yard ornaments. I'm finding that being proactive with maintenance is much less expensive in the long run with appliances, mechanicals in the house and cars. I'm very proactive when it comes to controlling pests and bugs..big fan of seven dust, mouse poison, and bug spray to keep a "no pest" perimeter around my house. If you have ever made contact with a carpenter ant then you understand

A few more: check to make sure you don't have unclaimed property with the state. I had a rebate check from some deck stain that had been turned in. My daughter had a small work check. And my niece had a balance in an abandoned account my dad set up at a credit union for her in her maiden name. A word of caution though as I have read some states are using this as "bait" to get the attention of folks they have been trying to locate for things like back child support. I use old toothbrushes to clean tight spaces like a window seal. And I use worn out socks, sheets, t-shirts and other clothing items as cleaning and dust rags. I've sold prom dresses at consignment shops, as well as scrape metal from dan's shop and an old storage building to the recycling center. And have cashed in broken gold jewelry. Dan thought i was crazy until he saw the money i made

First, best of luck and we are anxious to hear how it goes. Maureen is right, get your thoughts together and prepare well for the standard questions you are likely to be asked in the interview. While an interview is important, you have 4 years of experience there that has proven your skill set. In my opinion on boarding someone new is not only a hassle, it's costly. You are going to do great but preparation is key and that may be the message your coworkers are giving. They may want to make sure you are taking the interview seriously and that you stand out in the interview process. Take care and positive thoughts coming your way!

Here are a few other ideas: consider raising your deductibles on your insurance policies, check your receipt before leaving a store to make sure the sale price was given and/or you weren't charged double for an item, take advantage of free entertainment in your area (theatre, music performances, festivals, etc) and match coupons to store sales to increase their value. Another area I have spent time researching and thinking about are taxes and more specifically sales and use taxes. Here in North Carolina "food" is taxed at a much lower rate than other items like "soda", alcohol, paper items, etc. Little did I know drinks that have less than 50% fruit juice are taxed as "soda".

I'm so sorry for your loss. Although I haven't had a sibling pass, I have been trying to be there and provide support for a good friend who lost his brother about a month ago. The service was tough and the look on his sister-in-law's face was all too familiar..the shock and disbelief, the lonely stare even though surrounded by others, the terrible fear of what comes next, etc. I can't imagine how drained you must be but am glad your brother-in-law has someone who understands. Although my siblings were there for me, as hard as they tried, they just couldn't (and still can't) wrap their mind around what it is like to be without their spouse. Luckily I had widows here in town who took me under their wing and gave lots of great advice so I try to "pay it forward". I wish you much strength at this sad time.

While Dan and I had always lived a very frugal and simple life (to ensure we could retire early) but as a now single person it's becoming even more important for me to pay attention to my finances. Over the years I have done quite a bit of research on the topic but this site seems to have consolidated a lot of really good ideas and tactics: http://www.moolanomy.com/1550/how-to-save-money-the-1001-list-of-money-saving-tips-and-ideas/ Here are a few I have done for years: cut/color my own hair, shop once a week to minimize the chance of something spoiling, wash clothes in cold water, cut dryer sheets in half, eliminated non-value add type grocery items like soda and alcohol from my shopping list, sign up for and use free samples (when I travel I grab all the small bottles I can fit in my luggage), cash in change for gift cards to then buy household supplies, shop at the dollar store for some cleaning supplies, and barter/negotiate with cash (Dan was really great at that). I am a big believer in budgeting and have dropped all expenses that aren't necessary but my current mission is to decrease my electric bill. Here are a few ways I am doing this: minimizing the use of the oven and cooking with a crock pot or gas grill, decreasing the amount of time the dryer runs by using thinner towels so they dry quicker, adjusting the thermostat to a slightly less comfortable temperature, adding water to milk jugs and putting them in the freezer to use less energy, and finally determining when/if I actually use the dishwasher and/or using the energy saving/air dry settings. A few other things I do that I wanted to share: I pay off my credit card bill in full every month, but I do charge everything I can to it and cash in the rewards points every month and/or when they reach the appropriate level for a gift card. Hope this helps others to think of ways to save!

Indeed Helen people should be actively seeking us out ;D. We do have so much to offer and should never forget that, ya know. Have a great day, everyone.

Hi, I just wanted to share something dan's mom used to always say...there isn't a pot so crooked you can't find a top for it. So i believe there's hope for everyone . In terms of alternatives to online dating, I'd say joining a meet up group, is a good way to expand your circle of friends. Take care!

Although I wouldn't necessarily say I'm religious, several months ago one of dan's customers asked if it was alright if he sent me a book. He thought it might help me, so I agreed. What he sent me was "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young and it's just daily pieces to consider..some have been spot on for what I was feeling that day. I've made it a daily routine, first thing in the morning and it does give me peace.

1,2,3 Welcomed my first grandchild into the world yesterday and his name is derek! So here's a pic in case it helps to brighten your day! Happy friday!

Yep, if it involved food, he was right there offering to go get it or have me join him for a ride somewhere for dessert. But on several occasions he had rooms painted for me while i was away on business, what a great surprise.