Candace Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 I've been reading through the different topics and realize I never should have left;but I really believed I had passed a crucial point in recovery. In January of this year, the third year anniversary, I thought I was doing wonderfully. I didnt have a meltdown on the anniversary date, I had found a full time job, and was actually dating someone. I decided to do a 180, get out of accounting and am now a direct care asst to 7 mentally disabled menn in a group home. I love my guys, and enjoy interacting with them. 2 are non verbal, downs syndrom and low functioning; all have additional psychological issues such as OCD, pica, depression, etc. My coworkers are all young, keep their headphones on during their shifts, or sleep, There is another woman my age and we both are very attached to the residents. Except for the other older woman, my coworkers are not just unfriendly but actually dislike me; I dont know if its because I'm older, or white, or if it is a common attitude with that age group. I lost my dad this past summer; his birthdy is Christmas Day and the holidays were always a special time spent with him. It has reawakened the profound grief of losing DH and it feels like its day one again. I decided to skip the holidays this year, (I did that the first holiday season after DH passed. I sent an email to my 3 siblings wishing them a wonderful holiday season but I was skipping the holidays . My sister wrote back that she was hurt and angry with my decision and ranted on about how everyone missed Dad, but we are family. None of them have lost a spouse. I used to be very close with them, but to be honest, I really dont want to talk to them; if I tell them what I feel, especially about DH, they are judgmental and annoyed that I havent "moved on". Thanks for listening, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rae Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Family can be so DGI. I'm over 4 years out and remarried, and no one even seems to remember that I was widowed. My dad has macular degeneration that requires he go to the doctor 3 days a month, otherwise he is 100% fine, his vision is 20/30. Mom goes on and on to me about how awful this is and how she just can't deal with it being "for the rest of her life." I want to say, no mom, actually it's for the rest of HIS life, and when he's dead, then you'll have to deal with a dead spouse for the rest of your life, uh, you know, like I do? So I get it, I don't like talking to my family either... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieh21 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Welcome back. I used to wonder why people hung out at ywbb so long. But now I get it. Glad you found your way back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candace Posted December 19, 2015 Author Share Posted December 19, 2015 Welcome back. I used to wonder why people hung out at ywbb so long. But now I get it. Glad you found your way back. So did I. I understand now. Why is missing someone and feeling the pain of their absense referred to as "feeling sorry for yourself?" Thanks for the welcome. See some old faces, and unfortunately far too many new members. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Glad to see you again Candace. The new job sounds rewarding and meaningful. I am really sorry about the loss of your dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max2507 Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 So glad you are enjoying your new job and those guys are lucky to have you, someone that cares, not just wearing their headphones (that is sad). I am lucky to have family that understands but I think its because my sister was widowed, my younger sister died 25 years ago, my mom died 8 years ago (my dad widowed), everyone is like do what you want. Its low key and no body pushes. Wish your family would be more understanding. Unfortunately they probably won't get it until they have experienced more loss or develop empathy (hopefully). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeeh Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Welcome back. Glad you have found a place of comfort and feeling welcome. I wonder though, what made you change fields and leave accounting to go into assisted living? I have been contemplating a change like that myself lately but it is a big change and I m not sure what I would change to. I am also in the accounting field and just don't know if I have what it takes anymore. Life is too short for the constant pressure and stress. Just not sure what would be any better and how much of a hit to the income can I take to survive. I get the toxic affect of the family too. That is why I haven't talked to mine since shortly after the funeral. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Hey Candace, good to see you and hear about some good stuff, and I am sorry for the bad. Hugs, as always. Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Hi Candace, good to see you here. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candace Posted December 19, 2015 Author Share Posted December 19, 2015 Thank you everyone; hugs RobI cant begin to tell you how grateful I am for your friendship, understanding and support. Mikeeh, I sent you a pm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Losttogether Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Candace, It's been 3+ years for me too and I find myself back here at times too. My family can be unbelievably awful at times. It's hard because for us things don't just magically get better one day. I hope you get through xmas alright! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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