The Fourth Christmas

[Mac]

This was the fourth Christmas without Cindy. There really wasn?t much sadness. Weirdness yes, sadness not so much.

 

My daughter and her fianc?e were at his parents for Christmas. I am so happy for her. I?m glad that his family is so kind and loving to her. My son was here. He?s in his last year of college. It has been so nice to spend so much time with him. It has been nice to cook for him and to spoil him some. Cindy & I met in college. I look at my children and remember when I was their ages. What I was going through. What my hopes and dreams were. I hope that they will be as blessed as I have been.

 

The first couple of Christmases were filled with so much sadness. Things have gotten better with time. I have adjusted to celebrating as a family of three.

 

I did spend some time watching videos of all the Christmases that we spent together. At times they do bring tears. Tears of emotion, tears remembering 28 years as a couple and 37 years of friendship. But not much sadness anymore, I have so much gratitude for so very much.

 

But there is so much weirdness. It still does not compute that we are not spending our lives together. It still does not compute that I am not talking to Cindy in person everyday. What is this bizarre life that I find myself in? It is a good life. I do have much to be grateful for in my present life, but it is all still so weird and so surreal.

 

[mmg19]

Thank you for sharing your honest feelings and reflections.  You are the best father and one of the reasons I always read your posts is to read the signature line at the bottom.  I love it.  Wishing you a Happy New Year and may 2016 exceed your expectations.  Blessings to you and your family of 3.

 

[MauiMermaid]

Thanks for sharing. It gives me hope that there will be a gradual shift from deep sadness/despair to appreciation of the many wonderful holidays shared together. Like you, we met as young adults... every adult holiday memory centers around him.

 

I understand the weirdness. It's all so surreal. I feel like I'm living some sort of strange "alternate" version of my life. And he is out there somewhere living and that this just can't be reality. Twilight zone of sorts.

 

(((Hugs)))

[Catnip]

I just spent my 10th Christmas without Dave. Dave died the week before Christmas, 2006 (so it's just 9 years for me). I just did the cooking, decorating, and entertaining, as always. My brother came, and Dave's cousin, for Christmas. It was fun talking about Dave growing up. But, it's so sad, too. Nine years is a long time, so I guess I'd better get used to it, but it's still so very hard. My sons are now 26, 29 and 31. When did that happen? Where does the time go? I, too, met Dave at college, and I was married at age 25. So far, my kids are still single.

 

New Year's Eve will be the hardest. Dave and I always went out to dinner, even when we had to get a sitter for the kids. It's just not right that I should be alone with no one to kiss at midnight. It still hurts so very much. And New Year resolutions? That I may survive another year.

 

Peace to you, and happy New Year.

~Catnip