Mac

10 years, this past June. Things are going well. I became a grandpa 2 years ago, so much fun!

I'm Mac, haven't been here for awhile. My wife of 28 years passed in 2012. Since then both of our children have graduated from college, and have gotten married. I just became a grandfather for the first time. Things are going well for me, grateful for that. So much to experience during these past 8 years. Being a widower isn't as much of my identity now, compared to the first 6 years or so. Wishing everyone a sense of peace.

Rob, I just saw your post. Wishing you peace, wishing all the best for you. Mac

I made sure that people knew that I was widowed from the start. I'd rather scare them off at the beginning than later on. Once I did begin to date, I did share it with my in-laws. They were supportive.

I'm feeling confident on amazing, I hope that it will be true!

My daughter and son have both graduated from college, and they are both doing well. My parental duties have changed in the last couple of years. It certainly does make things more simple.

I think that it is possible to find that again. I do believe that we can have more than one "soul mate" on this earth. Finding them, that can be a different story, no guarantees there.

Finding love is easier than finding that let's live under the same roof kind of person. It's easy to be comfortable, perhaps there's nothing wrong with that. But wouldn't it be amazing to find that person, where we couldn't imagine not spending every day of our life with them! We had it before, I believe that it is possible to have it again!

Congratulations @RobFTC!

It’s been just over 6 years for me. I started dating after 1 year. Re-coupling was more of a priority for me then. Plus there was some excitement about meeting women after being faithfully married for 28 years. I didn’t know what to expect in that department. Fortunately, with time I did discover that it was easy for me to meet women. Clients of mine introduced me to their friends. I’ve had a good response online. I thought that perhaps I had found “the one” with my first relationship. In hindsight, I still had much healing left to do and did need to be more “grounded.” That relationship lasted 9 months. I remember what my neighbor said to me at about the one year mark, “Mac so many men remarry within the first year or two, but I don’t see you doing that. You and Cindy were such a great couple, but you were both so independent.” Those words have proven to be very true. I’ve been in one other relationship and that one didn’t work out either. Life is good these days. There is a sense of normality in my life on so many levels, although it still is hard to believe that Cindy isn’t here. My family life is good. My children are doing well and we are doing well as a family. In many ways it is hard for me to plan for the future, as compared to how things were in the past. I am happy most days. By choice, I’ve not entered into another relationship since my last one ended 7 months ago. I think that it would take a very unique woman for me to be compatible with her in terms of living together and/or marriage. I seem less willing than others to “give and take.” I seem to be less willing to relocate than I was before. I am cautious about disappointing anyone else, although I do realize that it does come with the territory at times. I’ve been making some new friendships with women through some of the volunteer work that I do. But for now, they are only friendships. I am very hesitant to enter into another relationship. I’m not worried about my future, I trust that it will be good. I am content to live the rest of my life without a significant other. I do think that it would be wonderful to find someone, but I don’t appear to be willing to put much work into making that happen.

I realize that this doesn't do justice to the depth of our feelings, but these are some of my random thoughts right now. This doesn't even begin to justice about how it is for me, but it is on my mind right now. Two do become one on so many levels, Cindy and I were married for 28 years! So cut off my right arm, wow is that painful. This is the arm that did most everything for me. So yes, with time, that pain of losing my right arm is not as bad. I have grown use to accommodating for it, but I still feel that loss on a daily basis. I do feel as if I am very functional. I am grateful that I have found a sense of peace, even though so much is missing. I am keenly aware of this most every day.

Some friends of mine just returned from a memorial service. I had met the woman before, she was super nice. She passed away at age 54, one year younger than Cindy. Her memorial service included music and dancing, I really like the idea of that! I shared this with my daughter and her husband when I picked them up at the airport last night. Her response, "Dad, what's your playlist?"❤️

"Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve." Dr. Earl A. Grollman

"Dear Mariella I am a widower who is ready to date and ultimately marry again, but I don't meet available women of the right age. I find online dating sites too artificial, and I feel incredibly stuck. Any suggestions?" https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/mar/14/mariella-frostrup-widower-marry-online-dating

I'm glad to hear that @Eddienhp I remember how happy I was, when I felt as if I was finally able to accept this new life. I was doing what I thought was best at the time, and perhaps what I thought that I was supposed to do in my mind. It was nice not to feel very much sadness anymore. But there has been such a huge shift over the past 6 months. Being a bit more proactive on making even more cool things happen. Worrying even less about my future. Feeling so very optimistic about my future, whatever it might be!

I was easily pleased and easily amused before, things are off the charts now in that department. Things that might have irritated me before, don't bother me now at all. I don't take things personally as much, even with others think that I should. That sense of self, and of what is most important to me, has increased so much. Such a strong sense of being at peace!

I can't remember exactly when I removed my wedding ring. It was probably just over a year or so after Cindy passed. It's been six years now since she left this earth. And yet occasionally, I'll be walking out on a trail, and I'll have a sudden moment of concern, wondering what happened to my ring.

That love. That familiarity. That history together. I haven't dreamed about Cindy for awhile. I had a wonderful dream with her in it last night, so much of what you are talking about was included it.

I spent the day by myself. I drove up into the mountains. Driving by myself on beautiful roads is always so meditative. I went up to my in-laws land at 10,000'. It's up on Independence Pass, for anyone that is familiar with Colorado. They have 90 acres there. There is a place on the land that I've always been drawn to. It's so peaceful, beautiful and magical. After Cindy died, that was one of two places (the other one was on top of Mt. Fuji) that I sprinkled some of her ashes. I went there today and meditated. So many memories and thoughts today. I did feel close to Cindy all day. I did share thoughts with her. And sadness was never a part of the day, I am a little bit surprised.

Thank you for your kind words Bunny.

It’s been 6 years since Cindy died, time has healed much for me, there is not as much of a feeling of sadness today as there has been in the past. I certainly have been thinking about the events of the last 7 days of Cindy’s life, during these past 7 days. Three different people in the last three days asked me to tell them what happened, I’m glad that they asked. I remember this morning 6 years ago. I asked the doctor if I could stay in her tiny ICU room as a team of 15 tried heroic measures for hours on end trying to keep her here, I’m glad that he allowed me to. Fortunately, with time, movies that have CPR being performed and/or a defibrillator being used are no longer strong triggers for me. I don’t use this day to honor Cindy anymore, I focus more on her birthday and on our wedding anniversary for that. I am reflecting on the past 6 years of my life and on all that has happened along the way. I am reflecting on the past 6 years of our family life, so much to be grateful for there, my children are doing well and we are doing well as a family. Time has healed so much. In so many ways I feel as if I am finally embracing my “new” life, rather than just accepting it. Like

Thanks. Tomorrow = 6 years. What a life!

I remember when I was first widowed. Sometimes I would ask myself, "would the kids have been better off if it would have been me rather than Cindy?" Our son had just graduated from high school and our daughter was in college. Cindy was an incredible mom, she was always so focused on our children in so many ways. Next week will = 6 years. My children are doing well and we are doing well as a family. It comforts me to know, that I don't ask myself that question anymore.

I do fear breaking another heart. As I've been dating over the last several years, I've been hoping to find that "special person'" to potentially spend the rest of my life with. Now I'm not so sure about that, I do have serious doubts. I really enjoy being around women. I'm taking a different approach these days. I've been meeting some very interesting women through some of the volunteer work that I'm doing. Super intelligent, independent women, who are concerned with social justice issues. Women that like to talk about a wide-variety of topics. They've been inviting me to different events and have been introducing me to some of their friends. A whole new circle of friends for me. I think I'm going to go for the friendships first, take it slow and see if anything ever develops. Re-coupling and living with someone keeps on being less of a goal for me.

I think that some widowed people are more clear on their goals, re-coupling is such a big goal for them and their energy is more focused on that. I feel as if they are more willing to do the give and take that relationships require. While we our all so unique, I do believe that some of us are more unique than others. That is truly a wonderful thing, but in so many ways we "march to the beat of a different drum." I've been in two serious relationships since I've been widowed. I do feel slightly bad that things did work out, I know that these women wanted things to work out. I know that they wanted to marry me. I am sorry for their disappointment. And I do wonder at times if this will be a re-occurring pattern. I married my first true love. I'm not use to things not working out with people. What a whole new world. Manage