MrsDan Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Things are going really well with NG. I really never thought I could feel this way about someone again. But now I'm finding myself worrying that something will happen to him. I've been in kind of denial about it, not wanting to open myself up to that fear. We always text each other when we get home from our dates, and he typically calls me at the end of his workday, as his schedule varies. I try not to worry when he doesn't call or text when I'm expecting him to, but those fears are creeping in. I know this is something I could talk to him about. But although there may be small things he could do to put my mind at ease, ultimately it's my issue. It's just the price one pays for loving someone. It feels like a higher price now that I've lost one already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 I understand. I get this feeling very often with people in my life - NG, my son, my parents....the sudden loss of my husband made me well aware that anything can happen but I also know it's my issue. I'm very happy that u r so happy with new guy - just letting him know you care about his well being and that he is ok is nice for him I think. I don't think it's wrong to mention it if u feel that way as long as you try not to obsess about it. Wishing u all the best, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TalksToAngels Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 These are completely normal issues I would think every one of us experience with a new person in our lives. To love is to risk losing, at any level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Oh boy, do I get this one! In the beginning, when we were just hanging out as friends, but I could see where things could lead if I let them, I would think 'why fall in love again if they're just gonna die on you anyway? Wouldn't it just be easier, less painful, if we simply remained friends?' It was a block for me, kept me creating walls between us in order to protect myself from 'the inevitable'. Sometimes, when I wouldn't hear from him for a while, my imagination would fill in all sorts of blanks. I did discuss my feelings about it with him early on, letting him know I realized this was my issue to work on, not his to fix. But he is pretty sensitive and accommodating to those fears. And, strangely, as we got more serious, those feelings quieted down. i mean- my choices are to break up with him now so I don't have to deal with him dying, or to stay with him and enjoy the hell out of whatever time we're allotted. In the beginning, I did try to break off our friendship, more than once, but he refused to go away and I did not have the willpower to make it stick- because he made me very, very happy. And, after so much unrelenting pain, that happiness felt like the best drug on earth. Still does. We've been in a relationship for 18 months now. If he forgets to text me goodnight, I don't think he might be dead anymore (well, maybe a tiny bit of me does), I just think he forgot / fell asleep, and I'll hear from him in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 Ugh - we all seem to be cosmically aligned at the moment. My fears of the unknown function on both a micro-level ("He's normally emailed by now. Something must be wrong!") and a macro-level ("I'm going to die." or "He's going to die.") It is maddening. I'm only now sort of getting my brain wrapped around how much my irrational fear has been and is an obstacle in our relationship. I'm also terrified of letting him take care of me, be there for me, lift some of the burden off of me because I've had to be so strong and so independent for so long that it scares me to allow myself to be vulnerable, though others might say that vulnerable isn't the right word. Normal probably is. Ugh! I agree with you MrsD that the stakes feel higher now. I've also learned a new depth/dimension of love that I didn't know before and that, too, seems to up the ante for me. Ultimately, I do believe it is worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daysofelijah Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 I feel that too. It isn't an immediate anxiety, but a small thought that comes to mind once in awhile. The first few months were worse, 8 months into it now I'm a little more calm about it. But it's still there, a fear that I'm putting my love into someone new and suddenly he'll be taken away. But like someone else said, I think the risk is worth it, experiencing love again is worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 What can I say, other than that I truly understand. At the same time, our choices are to live with this fear, or be alone. I would choose love over alone again. Hugs to you... Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted January 14, 2016 Author Share Posted January 14, 2016 Thanks all. The problem is I also have obsessional OCD. So my fears often manifest in ways that worsen that. It waxes and wanes; currently it feels like I'm holding back a tsunami of fear and subsequent ocd relapse. Which I can't afford right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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