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Forgiveness


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I feel like in order to do something out of myself I need to practice forgiveness. Its not something a lot of people seem to understand. I don't want to just not think of the man who killed with his car. I want to actually forgive.

 

Its an internal thing. I won't contact him or see him again. Someday though, this rage and hatred that keeps me from feeling alive needs to turn into something better. It needs to set me free.

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I don't know if you are a person, who believes in prayer, or not. If not, please ignore my advice and forgive me, as I truly do not wish to offend in any way. If you are, I can pass on the single most powerful piece of advice I have ever been given in my life. Forgiveness is never for the offender. It is for you, and learning to forgive does offer a sense of freedom; however, forgiving is one of the hardest things in life to do.

 

If you are a believer in prayer, then pray for the person you want to forgive. Each and every time you think of the horrible actions of that person, each time you feel the anger and resentment building up, each time you see that person or hear that person's name, pray for that person. A wonderful prayer warrior lady I once knew gave me this advice, and all I can say is that she truly knew what she was talking about.

 

I know it is a different situation, but let me share what this advice has done for me. After being the victim of a violent attack and nearly being murdered while in my 20s, I suffered from PTSD and was one step away from a nervous breakdown. I took her advice, and I cannot even begin to explain the changes that occurred in me. I found a sense of peace and healing, that wasn't there before. I was able to move forward with my life. Nearly 20 years later, I still pray for the person who attacked me. Honestly, I couldn't tell you if my prayers helped him in the least, but the prayers allowed me to forgive and they have made me a better person.

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sakeraki, just wanted to wish you the very best and hope you find the resources you need to muster this forgiveness if you feel this will help address the understandable rage you feel.  Other ways of framing it are perhaps surrendering to it or trying to feel indifferent to the person responsible for her death.  While angry for different reasons, I cannot imagine the pain you feel and wish you courage and a path to joy again.

 

 

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