New Here

[still_lost]

Hello everyone,

 

This is my first time posting on this site. I've been a widow for over six years now. My husband died suddenly of a heart attack. I have a seven year old boy who I'm trying my best to raise alone, but it is so hard some days. I thought I'd have a better handle on things after six years, but it seems like things only get harder for me. I do the best that I can to keep a job, pay all the bills, love and support our child, but I'm so tired. I feel so empty most days. I don't have many people to talk to since none of them have ever gone through what I have. Most even think I should be "fine" by now, so I don't even bother discussing the pain that I'm still in. Everything seems hopeless for me. I will continue to be a good mother, but I honestly believe that my life is over. Thanks for reading.

[Trying]

I'm glad you found us still_lost, unfortunately there are many of us here who are in similar situations and fortunately we understand and can support each other.

 

The solo parenting is tough and it sounds like you've been doing it since almost the beginning.  There are several wids here who lost their spouse with a baby in the family who I'm sure can chime in, our parenting section is a great place to vent and to get advice.

[Amor]

(((still lost)))

i am glad you fond a place to vent.  We are all here to listen.

Amor

[daysofelijah]

Hi and welcome. I've been through many times of feeling how you feel. Some days I still do. The feelings of grief or the loss of what should have been is always there, sometimes more prominent then others, but it never seems to go away completely. Especially with kids, the guilt or feeling that I fail them in the loss of their father is something that is overwhelming sometimes.

 

It's okay to feel that way, to feel sad and hopeless. It's a valid feeling. In the last year I found help in individual grief counseling and honestly a good anti-depressant. Exercise and keeping busy also helps me. I have always struggled with having and maintaining friendships and my situation makes it nearly impossible to find someone who can relate. So I definitely know how you feel. I hope things can find a way to improve for you, but also know you are not alone in your feelings and they are valid no matter how far out you are from your loss.

[MikeR]

still_lost,

 

Nearly 10 years for me. My kids were 4 and 10 when my wife died. I get what you are feeling - we've all been there. It's gotten better for me but life will never be what it was. Accept that.Still, it does get better.

 

This site is a continuation of the old YWBB and when I found that site it was such a gift. Having a place to talk about what I was feeling and to hear what others were feeling was the best therapy I could ask for. This site is the same, so it's great that you are here.

 

Please, your life is not over. There is a life without your SO. It's just a different life. I am also a person who doesn't have many people to talk to - all the friends we had are gone. I have made new friends, but they are not the kind I can share my deepest feelings with.

 

Still, life is good (relatively speaking). My kids are ok, I do have a social life of sorts, I don't cry that much these days. Recently, things are looking a bit better - I met someone who I think has a lot of potential.

 

The point is - I've had good times, bad times, felt very positive about the future and very negative about it. What you are feeling now won't last forever. Keep living day to day and look forward to a day when you feel better. It will happen. Believe that, really. If you insist that it won't ever happen, you may find that it is a self fulfilling prophesy.

 

Mike

 

 

 

 

[Captains wife]

So sorry  you are feeling this way (and understand)  but glad u found us here. My son was 9months old when my husband suddenly died- and I've realized at 4 years that I'm not going to get over it. When it first happened I kept asking my grief therapist when I was going to feel better and she kindly explained that it doesn't work that way. I was only married for 3 years less 2 weeks and we had planned for more children. We just bought a new house and moved to a beautiful suburb and started a business. Then it was gone so quickly. But I feel that we are doing ok these days - getting on with our lives, laughing, moving onto new experiences and growing. Yet it isn't the same and although I miss my partner, I particularly miss the good father he was and feel sad for my son who doesn't remember him. I have realized I'm not going to get over this and I feel sad that life isn't going to be how I thought but I will say that I've grown from this experience, realized I'm stronger than I thought and really trying to focus on what makes me and my son happy, despite our loss. But as you wrote, it isn't easy, especially as a single parent. This community of people has been a real life line for me so please keep posting and keep in touch. For me, to help me continue to move forward I have tried a myriad of things and it has helped (and I've posted about this). Wishing you all the best- and please be good to yourself.