It feels like another loss

[still_lost]

I lost my husband six years ago, and I waited almost 3.5 years before I started to date. I'm in my mid thirties. I met a man, we dated for a while, and then started a nice 2 year relationship. He was the first man to come along and make me feel like I could open up to another man, I could have love again, and I could see myself married with another child. I believed that we were on the right track, I really did. We talked about a future together, and from what I could tell, we both wanted the same things. After a while, I had to end the relationship when I discovered that we weren't on the same page. Long story short...I didn't want to wait around for him to move closer, decide if and where he was going to put down roots, and if we were actually going to start a life together. We were only about 100 miles away from each other, but after two years, I figured he had enough time to decide what he planned to do. I'm not talking pressure to get married or anything like that, but just taking our relationship to the next level. So losing that relationship felt like I lost another person that I was very close to. I'm not comparing the loss of the relationship to the loss of my husband because the two are very different, but it caused me heartache. I felt like I had a little bit of hope, but I wasn't willing to stay with someone who couldn't make up his mind. All of this is just too hard.

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, still_lost,

 

Welcome into the fold.  I'm not sure where I would be without widow friends.  Who else fully understands the issues and emotions we face?  (I realize that there are non-widows out there that do a darned good job, but I don't know too many.) 

 

You not only lost your husband at a young age, you were left to care for a little one on your own.  You trusted to open your heart again and you had hope for the future.  That hope was dashed when this new relationship didn't developed like it seemed it would.  It is another loss, different, but still loss.  It still hurts and challenges your belief that life can be good again.

 

I don't have children and my experience is different, but I lost my second husband after only a few years of marriage.  It feels like the rug was pulled out from under me.  You put your trust in something that didn't reach the place you hoped it would go.  That has many similarities.  It may take you a little while to decide if you are willing to put yourself out there again.  The more time that passes me by, the more I want to risk loving again.  It is a lot to think about, eh?

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Guest nonesuch]

It is another loss.  it's sad to lose a love relationship, the companionship, and it's sad to set aside the dream you had of a future together.

 

[Captains wife]

I'm very sorry - this was a relationship you were clearly invested in. It is another loss...I'm finding my Chapter 2 to be so very challenging so understand. Please be good to yourself during this difficult time- although not the same, I was really upset after my first break up in Chapter 2, including taking sick days from work and lying around the house all day. Things that helped included seeing my grief therapist, reading self help post break up books and reaching out to friends to socialize as well as keeping busy generally. Sorry again....

[Mizpah]

It is a loss.  While I do believe that death has made me stronger in a million different ways, in "matters of the heart" and emotional relationship issues, while I wouldn't say it's made me "weak," I am definitely very, very sensitive and vulnerable.  So I can only imagine how you're feeling.  Thinking of you and hoping you heal quickly and fully. 

[MrsT85]

Let me agree with Mizpah above - since becoming widowed my feelings and the way I outwardly express them (especially regarding love and loss but even with things that I find sweet and touching) have become absolutely super charged.  I often say that losing my husband was so traumatic that it just totally wore away whatever emotional callous I once had.

[Captains wife]

Yes ladies...I feel the same way! Being a young widow changed me and in some ways for the better....but I am super sensitive too. And these Chapter 2 losses feel very painful, in a different way.