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I need a new computer. And also a husband.


ieh21
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I can do it all. I certainly have. And what I can't do, I can outsource or just let go without feeling guilt. Yep. I can.

Except I can't buy a new computer. And I can't deal with all the different crisis at work. And a moral dilemma I find myself in currently. And feeling isolated as everyone's life is too busy to spend time with me.

There are times when I cant do it all. And I know it will pass. And I keep doing yoga to keep me calm. And I keep reaching out because if I don't make an effort, I will always feel isolated.

 

Yet I cried today. I cried a tiny bit when a friend told me his wife felt his stress and exhaustion and took the kids away to the cottage so he could have a relaxed weekend. What an awesome wife. How amazing to have her in his corner. I want one of those. Help and support I don't need to organise.

 

Then I dried the tears. I really need a new computer. I need to make a decision. One at a time...

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I wrote a somewhat lengthy post when the motherboard went out on my computer in December, and then deleted it because it felt silly, but as always the board reminds me that I am not alone in my feelings. I did a fair bit of research before I settled, and I say I settled rather than decided because it was an arduous process of not getting all that I wanted. Let me know if I can help, with my limited knowledge.

 

 

 

 

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VDS 11/8/59-8/22/10

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My wife was the computer guru of the two of us.  She was heavily into electronic music, and wrote programs that interacted with the performers in real time. So that made her the go to "Waaaaaaaa!!  Computer not working!!!"

 

Music has been hard for me.  She had a masters in flute performance and composition, one of those types who could listen to a multpart piece and write it down.  Me, I'm a hack harpist.  We played together in professional groups and as a duo, but I realize just how much she helped me out.  It's as if I've lost the subtitles to music that explained what was going on.  A part of my brain has been cut out, and I doubt I'll ever be able to experience music the same way as I did with her.

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Guest TooSoon

All I know is that adp is here this week and he unclogged my toilet this morning as I raced to get ready for work and went along with me to deal with my car which broke down and needed to be towed.  I was reminded just how exhausting it is to have to manage all these things on one's own.  I can do it but good god is it tiring.  Alas, he will go away again soon...

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Having a big "if Tim was here..." day. 

If Tim was here he could give my son the male perspective and kick in the ass he needs.

If Tim was here he would handle the contractor and make my renovation ideas happen.

If Tim was here I wouldn't have to drive my son home from practice at 9 pm on a Friday.

If Tim was here he would understand the financial aid forms for college.

If Tim was here he would hold me while I cry.

 

 

But he's not, so I will continue to put my big girl panties on and do it all.  This sucks.

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