Three years

[Needytoo]

Three years ago my life changed forever.  Who could imagine that someone could pass away in their sleep? 

 

What a road I have been on the last three years.  It wasn?t a fun journey that is for sure, but I can say I have  grown so much in the last year I am amazed at myself but today I just feel ????? worn out. 

 

Yesterday I thought about writing about how much I have accomplished but today???? the words are just not there. 

 

Thanks everyone for reading my words. 

 

[marian53]

Thinking of you today, Needytoo. My Peter died the same way as your John. Please be kind to yourself in some way today. Huge hugs.

Marian

 

[SoVerySad]

Sending you tight hugs, Needytoo. I'm a few weeks shy of the 3 year mark myself. I also feel quite worn out. I hope you write your list tomorrow if you are feeling up to it. You have many accomplishments to be proud of.

 

More hugs...

[marian53]

I just wanted to say that my third year was New Year's Day 2010. I started the day full of "this is it, I must live again"- then fell into a rut and I so do get that worn out, bone weary feeling. Hugs to you both. We accomplish so much more than we give ourselves credit for.

[BrokenHeart2]

Big hugs to you NeedyToo. Thinking of you!

[Trying]

Tight hugs and understanding about feeling amazed one day and worn out the next. 

[Guest TooSoon]

A little bit more than three years here.  Of course you are tired; I am too.  But think how far we've come!  All my love. 

 

[Needytoo]

Thank you everyone for your kind words.  Yesterday pretty well sucked until my drive home. 

 

I think in the early days I received "signs" from my husband but honestly I can't remember my last sign until I turned on the radio.  Every song playing on the radio was from a band my husband loved and I swear to god they were all about "moving on".  Somehow in a weird way that got me out of my rut. 

[linda5]

That's a great sign Needy Two.  I'll be at 3 years on March 24th and I used to get so many signs of hope and hanging on ...now not so many.  Signs are all I need to hold on.

 

[MauiMermaid]

Hugs to you Needytoo. xoxo

 

I read this post and can't believe we are all at 3 years now. Familiar "faces" that I remember walking through those first months with. And here we are. We have survived. We are persevering.

 

I'm glad you got some signs. Much love and big hugs to you and everyone. 

[Guest TooSoon]

Clocking in at one plus month into year four and man have things gotten complex.  The good is really good, the bad is really bad.  Not much in between.  Wish I could offer more than empathy.  xo

[BrokenHeart2]

Yes I'm coming up to 3 yrs in May and I too see many familiar names from our early days. Seems a lifetime ago and yesterday at the same time.  We are widda strong although some days it doesn't feel like it.  Big hugs.

[rifatheroffour]

I am starting the 3rd year, 3rd month and 3rd day without my dearest Falgu...I know the thing that matters most I have been doing the best I know how...taking care of the kids. But the rest all seems so challenging.  My wife also died in her sleep on the couch I sit upon this very moment.  Words often fail me due to the exhaustion of making it through each and every day...and yet we do make it through those days.  Hoping that the next is better than the last or at least not worse.  Two steps forward and one back has been the most accurate measure of time these past 39 months but at least it is forward progress.

 

To all of us surviving the best we know how I send you understanding hugs and hope for better tomorrows.

[BrokenHeart2]

My step kids are in their late 20's and out on their own. Big hugs to all of you raising children/teens while enduring this grief.  My heart goes out to you!

[MrsT85]

It will be three years for me on the 6th.  I'm starting to understand what the old-timers on YWBB would mean when they would talk about their "graduating class" of wids.  You all are mine.  Thank you all for walking this journey with me and being there to share, support and listen. 

 

Hugs and empathy to everyone.  It's been a surreal and taxing journey and I've often marveled at how I've made it this far but I have.  We all have. 

[klim]

ok Guess I should check in and be counted in the 3 year club as well. It will be 3 in less then a month.

Life is generally good....but I still come here often to know that I am normal. I think this place has been my therapy...my place to journal.

 

Thanks all for providing me with an interactive journal, one that talks back with sympathy, ampathy and advice.

[Guest TooSoon]

Ahhhhh- three years.  I cannot believe how insane this has been and continues to be.  Just the other day, when I did something completely nuts and then was berating myself for it (I've learned that I'm very good at that), I actually had the thought that it might actually be easier to be back in the shock and denial phase when at least I had an excuse to be crazy.  I'm being facetious, of course, but back then I never imagined that it would still be such a trial three years down the line.  Silly me.  There is much joy now but I am so very tired from the stress of it all.  Honestly, no one understands unless they've been through it. 

 

My careful decisions may have saved me some stress in the short term but now I'm coming fully to grips with the degree to which "staying put" has made me deeply unhappy.  I am unconnected completely now from that life, yet here I am - same house, same job, same (though fewer) friends, same old story over and over.  I've been mulling this over for the past month, desperate to make a leap but paralyzed for some reason. 

 

Anyway, I moan yet again.  What would I have done without you all?  I wish it weren't so but had I not found this support I probably would have lost my mind for real.  Group hug.