One Year Today

[Guest Damiansinc]

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[marian53]

((ArtLovingDad)). I can only tell you that time itself will reconcile all those years for you.  Eventually you will remember her as she was, before her illness. I have found that to be true for me.

Marian

[SoVerySad]

Sending you a hug, ALD. I'm sorry for all you went through with your wife. How incredibly sad for you both to have to deal with dementia at such a young age.  I used to manage a rehab and long term care facility with a specialized dementia unit. At times, I facilitated our monthly family support group. I'll always remember the anguish and exhaustion our residents' spouses were going through.

 

My husband died from sudden death syndrome, but had been in failing health for about a decade (not cognitively, but progressive physically). For a while after he died, I couldn't recall many memories at all. We were together over 30 years from the time I was 15 years old, so I was very troubled by my lack of memories. Slowly they started to return, interestingly for me, starting with the early years of our relationship. I so hope your memories of your wife before her illness struck return to you with time.

 

 

[Guest TormentedTwoStep]

My wife was two years older than me, and looked exceptionally young.  So much so that I was mistaken to be her father on occasion.  When her slide into multi system failure started over that final year of life, I was aghast at how quickly she aged, then withered, then quite literally wasted away.  She was tiny to begin with, and there simply wasn't anything to her when she died.  I remember grabbing the casket with the men I'd chosen to pall bear, and thinking "I could have done this by myself".

 

This past November I officially became older than my wife for the first time.  And all the other first times had long since passed-it was the final one.  I don't remember how she looked, acted, or functioned so much in those last days.  In the past year, the image of my beautiful, young and vibrant wife is the only one that remains vivid in my mind.  And I'm thankful for it.  I made sure not to snap any pictures while she was ill, and I was insistent no one else did either.  I'm thankful for that too.  There's no way to call it to mind.

 

I don't know when or how, but as others have said, that young beautiful wife is the only one you'll truly envisage.  That other lady wasn't her-you know that.  She was simply what was left over after your wife lived all she could.  No need to actively recall that lady.

[Guest TooSoon]

Just sending support.  My husband also withered away (you put it more eloquently than I usually do)  and it was stunningly disturbing to watch and it took much longer than any of us wanted it to.  Those images stayed with me for a long time but they do fade and the good memories take their place.  No more firsts, no, but now there will be new firsts.  Hugs. 

[Amor]

Wishing you peace and your great memories to return soon.

[Torn]

ArtLovingDad,

 

  I felt much the same.....

  That I'd not rember the good times,but only the bad, harder time from loosing my wife, we also where together 20+ years.

 

  It time you will remember the good times and the love you shared with your wife,more so than the bitter end, I believe that you will.

  I have & was happy to recall any good memory, please know the tough times will attack when your not expecting them to.

  Take care and know you have support here

[lcoxwell]

I watched my husband slowly die for 13 painfully long years. Over time, I have found that my mind is a mix of memories, both of the good times and the bad. In time, I have found that I mostly remember the good. Even the bad ones are "good" memories, if that makes sense. For example, I remember him being semi-comatose and almost completely unaware of his surroundings. He was thrashing around in his hospital bed, so much so that they had to tie him down to keep him from pulling out his many tubes or from hurting himself by accident. In the midst of all of that, I reached over, touched his hand, and called his name softly. Immediately, he settled down.

 

Watching him die was ugly and horrible, but there were some beautiful moments in there, as well. I am sure there were some beautiful moments with your wife, as well. With time, those memories will be the ones you remember the most.