Tweety76 Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Haven't been around much since August last year when I felt that I needed to distance myself from all the widow boards I belonged to. I have peeked on occasions but ran away fast. It wasn't until a week ago that I started reading again and mostly because I so clearly remembered the vanishing of the old board, the weekend this board was rushed together and then Icoxwell and Baylee for we are so close together in the timeline. Well, today is the day when the world as I knew it changed forever at 10pm. It's still 11,5 hours to that o'clock. I'm sitting at work in a horrible physical pain that started to creep up on me beginning of December and then has just gotten worse and worse. The same pain I had exactly a year ago. I suppose the purpose of it, is to distract my mind and I think it's working. Feels like crap though. I read my old posts from the year one and especially my last years "1 year ago today" one and felt so stupid. As if things got better after the one year mark and bs about head full of ideas. The year turned out very different but then again I was in the survival mode and I had to believe in what I told myself and everyone around me. I was still very much messed up yet somehow functioning but how could have I known that. What I've learned that the truth is discovered only in time and only by looking back. I question my feelings and thoughts these days very much given the experience from the past two years. I'm not actively and consciously grieving anymore but given this pain, I'm blocking something in my head. In time and piece by piece I suppose even that goes away. I'm a bit scared of what year 3 brings and I'm so tired of all the things to be done and not being able to. I've missed this board even I didn't know it. Was so great to catch up with PJ and Sphock last evening on the chat. Felt right back at home. Don't know how much help I can be to this board but who knows, only time will tell. Don't really know what was the point of this post but it's way better than the one I wrote on Sunday. Missed you all! <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr C Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 ((((Tweety)))) Sending you hugs and well wishes for a better year three. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Tweety, I'm sending you love and hugs on this difficult day. I'm glad you are finding comfort being back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 Welcome back. I don't think you should feel stupid about how you felt at 1 year or any other time, it is simply where you were at in a given moment and the things you were telling yourself to get through the day. I work on positive thinking to get me motivated and sometimes it works, other times reality knocks me to my knees and I am right back to guilt and despair and wonder how I had thought life could get better. But looking back I can see there is an over all healing trend. I hope year 3 brings you an over all healing and positive trend and improved strength to weather the storms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 (((((((HUGS))))))))) I'm terribly short of words these days... I'm coming up on 2 years in about 3 weeks, and I'm a mess. Hopefully there will be some light for all of us, and soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweety76 Posted March 18, 2016 Author Share Posted March 18, 2016 (((((((HUGS))))))))) I'm terribly short of words these days... I'm coming up on 2 years in about 3 weeks, and I'm a mess. Hopefully there will be some light for all of us, and soon... Hugs Jen! <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joeswife Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 I also stepped away at the year mark for many reason and now at the 2 year mark realized how much I missed people who understand the journey. Hugs to you Tweety Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 Big hugs and welcome back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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