Now this...

[scotty77]

Lost my wife in early april, 19 days before her 36th birthday. She was

the world to my 11 year old daughter and I. And here i am a few weeks later

with another "milestone" in this new world i must make a life. We had so many

plans, this was not on of them. So confused why i have to spend the day comforting

my daughter when we should be out celebrating her mom.

[Trying]

These first holidays and special days are so difficult, especially when they come so soon after your loss. Hold tight to your daughter, big hugs to you both.

[SoVerySad]

I'm so sorry. I agree all the firsts are so hard, especially so soon after your loss of your wife. Asking why is completely normal. Unfortunately, I've found no good answer. It just sucks and is unfair to our children and ourselves. I wish I could make the day a little easier for you both.

 

Sending both of you virtual hugs...

[scotty77]

Went to the store with my daughter and got a haapy mother's day balloon. She brought a few sharpies and spent a half hour in the car writing her, and drawing pics, i couldn't even look, i think i would have just melted into the seat forever. We went to the field we use to fly kits in and sent it off to mommy. this can't be real, i'm sooo numb

[SoVerySad]

Oh, I can only imagine how heartbreaking it was for you. I think it was a really good way for you to have handled the difficult situation of what to do today, though. Perfect, really, even though it may not have felt like it. Sending more hugs. This is all so very hard.

[SimiRed]

{{{HUGS}}} 

[mmg19]

I'm so sorry.  You are doing the best you can and you and daughter hold tight to each other.  Sending prayers, strength, and hugs to you.

[Guest April]

I'm so sorry.. the first holidays are hard.. we are on round 2.. it was a year on April 21st.. so far the hysterical crying has diminished.. sadness still comes but it's not debilitating.. but fathers day is coming up.. last year my brother in law took us to Dorney park to keep my kids minds busy.. It worked.. it didn't take all the pain away.. but they where not crying and upset all day.. my kids often will say.. "it will never be the same without Daddy".. and I say.. "you are absolutely right.. and it's shouldn't be.. he was a very important part of our lives".. but we have to move on.. he would want us to.. he wouldn't want us to be so upset we can't live.. no.. things will never be the same.. we have to learn how to enjoy things in a new way".  I found going to the grave does not help them.. it makes them more upset.. they miss him every day.. after visiting the grave they are always hysterical.. I know everyone is different.. it doesn't seem to help us.

 

There is nothing worse then seeing your baby in so much pain.. and there is nothing you could do to take that pain away.. it is by far the worst feeling I've ever had.. I wish I could take all the pain for them.

[Virgo]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  It's difficult grieving with your child. My daughters were 14, 12, and 6 when my husband died. The milestones and holidays might get a little easier, but they still hurt.

[AbidingTime]

We are at the forty day mark and had decided to stay at home after Mass.  We were invited to a cookout without warning and I reluctantly accepted.  My 13 yo daughter pitched a fit and was unusually defiant (the likely cause was that our host was her mom's oncologist - duh, dad!).

I thought that it was best to get out of the house for a while - but I let her stay at home as she wished.  It was a good call.

My son had a good time, I felt weird the whole time about the normalcy of a pool party and my daughter was fine when we arrived back home.

All in all not a total disaster for our first Mom's Day but uncomfortably strange nonetheless.

[scotty77]

Well now that those two soul crushers are over and the fog is starting to lift a bit, it's back to the grind. Which for me is half days for now(6 hours), that's all i can do for now, wearing this mask we have to wear for others, it's too exhausting. "OH How Are You", fucking great thanks for asking(i wish). Need time to get straight, well maybe straights not the word. Need time to get Something 

[Guest April]

I guess it was around 6 months ago.. my daughter was having such a hard time.. and I was just pissed.. pissed he left us.. pissed he hurt her.. and pissed I couldn't make her feel better.. I would vent my frustrations and people would just say.. "I will pray for you".. I swear if I heard it one more time I was going to snap!!  I just yelled.. "DON'T PRAY FOR ME!!!  FIX MY BABIES!!!"  So frustrating.. but all I can tell you it takes time.. and I know that answer sucks.. it takes time.. constant reassurance and work... I'm always talking to my kids.. sometimes it's the same thing over and over.. and sometimes.. I just hold them while they cry.. a grief counselor did help.. we went to one for about 6 weeks.. my oldest needed emergency services that came out to the house.. he completely broke down.. blaming himself.. my other three did not qualify for emergency services and we got put on a waiting list.. I pushed through the envelope and got them help sooner..  it sucks.. but it's possible to get through it in one piece.. but you have to be willing to put in the work.. and I don't mean that in a derogatory way.. it is work.. you sometimes have to get up when you can't.. you have to talk about things that are uncomfortable and painful.