Meaningful conversation...

[SoVerySad]

Anyone else out there suffering from a lack of meaningful, interesting discussions? One of the things I miss so much since my T died is having someone to discuss things with. Of course, the loss of having my spouse to discuss decision-making and children issues with is major, but T and I loved talking about anything and everything. As a result of being a SAHM, some days he would chuckle when I would literally meet him at the door when he came home from the long days he worked, anxious to talk about something with him. My kids are teens now and are to the point where we can have meaningful discussions and they're forming their own opinions so I enjoy that, but it is short-lived as, well, they are teens and have no desire to spend too much of their free time with mom.

 

As you can tell by my long posts, and a few friends I've made here who I am blessed to have formed friendships with off the board as well can attest, I enjoy conversations. I love to learn new things, be challenged in my thinking, etc.. I'm finding myself after 3 years since T died becoming more interested in engaging in life again. As a result, I'm feeling the void of meaningful conversation.

 

Anyone else feeling the same way? Where do I find outlets to engage in the world again when I'm starting to emerge from the cocoon I've kept myself tucked away in? I'm on a counselor-suggested break from watching the news right now, so I may just be feeling the quiet more intensely.

[trying2breathe]

Oh yes, I relate well to having a lack of meaningful, interesting conversations.  With adults.  At times I catch myself bantering with DD in a more adult-like manner, she doesn't get it and it's not really appropriate. 

 

Have you thought of joining a book group?  Are there local events where you are, with topics of interest to you?    Our local community page lists all kinds of events from dog walks to nature trail hikes, poetry readings, etc.  Would you consider volunteer work? 

[Guest TooSoon]

SVS - I'm going to call you for some meaningful conversation in a bit but in this bizarro election year, maybe volunteer for a campaign once things resolve.  I met some fantastic people and made life-long friends volunteering in 2008.  One of those friends, unfortunately, has joined us here.  We - all of us who worked together - still get together semi-regularly. 

 

While there are plenty of things I can say about my stupid university at the moment, being on a college campus brings with it plenty of opportunities for conversation (substantive and un-) and that has saved my sanity many times these last five years since Scott got sick.  Maybe you could take a course at the community college - ours has a whole program of free courses in addition to the regular semester line-up.  xo

[Guest April]

I miss it in the worst possible way.. I feel like I nag everyone.. or just ramble on way more then I should or used to.  Especially about the kids accomplishments.. nobody seems interested. My Mom cares to some point but she's stressed with helping taking care of my grandparents and work.  I talk to my kids a lot.. but it's usually about solving one of their problems or helping them get through.  I do miss having another adult in the house.

[MrsDan]

This is something I got along without for some time. I think it's because I didn't care about anything anymore, and I was really only interested in talking to Dan. I actually think it's a good thing that you are craving this, because it means you're still wanting to engage with the world. Something shifted when I moved here; it may be because I lived with my BIL and his family, so I had adults to talk to again. And, not saying this is the answer for you, but one of the things I truly appreciate about my boyfriend is our conversations. And it's funny, last night we talked on the  phone for a bit, like we do every night. Then I came on here and read your post. Afterwards I sent him a brief text, and he texted back that his brother (who he lives with) said we talk on the phone like seventh graders.

[Mizpah]

Anyone else out there suffering from a lack of meaningful, interesting discussions?

 

Yes, to the point where I can't even imagine what a meaningful, interesting conversation could possibly be about, or what we were ever talking about that was so engrossing and felt so significant....  That's how lacking! 

[Trying]

I do talk to my children, especially oldest, about things I probably would not if DH was here, sometimes just the mundane stuff of running a house that they could really care less about.  My boyfriend and I talk much more than DH and I did for the past few years he was alive, we were in a rut of only talking about logistics and "to do" lists.  I regret the time we wasted not having more meaningful conversations although he tried to squeeze it all after he was diagnosed.

 

The topic of your break from watching the news is interesting to me.  Since Tim died I have had a real problem watching the news and keeping up on current events and I'm not really sure why.  Sometimes it's embarrassing how out of touch I am.

[Guest April]

Trying.. I too steer away from the news..

 

I haven't watched our shows since he passed.. the only thing that is ever on tv is what the kids want to watch.. 80% of the time it's cartoons..

 

I do enjoy watching movies with them.. but again.. it's usually something they want to watch.. my 10 yr old daughter is into scary movies.. my 12 yr old son likes war movies.. but I can't bare to watch them.. they bother me in the worst way.. they have since I was a little girl.. tears at my heart strings.