My heart is full

[Trying]

Yesterday we had a graduation party for son #2, the first party I have had at our new house.  I was anxious because every time we have hosted a party or since Tim died, one of the kids has had a major meltdown.  Many of my friends and some of my family hadn't been to the new house yet and NG and his kids were going to be here, so lots of anxiety.  I asked my son many times if he wanted the party and that he didn't had to agree because he thought it's what I wanted.  He assured me he wanted a party.  His girlfriends parents came and I had only met them once briefly for prom pictures.

 

Other than some rain it was a perfect day!  My oldest took people out in groups on the boat so his anxiety was less than at other social events since his dad died.  Everyone was great with NG, including my MIL who was awful when they met the first time. Son's girlfriend's parents fit in very well.  Food was awesome.  Everyone had a great time. 

 

DH and I were the party hosts extraordinair and every time I tried to host in the old house without him, his absence overwhelmed everyone.  But in the new house there were no clawing memories of how it used to be, he was brought up many times, how he would love that we are by the lake and using the boat, how proud he would be of his son and of all of us.  But it was all good.  Moving was such a good decision for us. Somehow when we talk about him and remember him now it's with more sweetness than pain.  He left such a strong imprint on our old home that it was suffocating to be there without him.  I know some people take comfort in being in the same place, touching the same things their love touched, but for us it was too painful.

 

I will always miss him, especially when celebrating one of our kids, and I will always incorporate him in our lives.  But I know he wanted us to keep living, to find our own way, and on these days when I feel like I have found that balance of honoring his memory and living life in the present, my heart is full.  It's not every day or even every week that I feel this way so I embrace it when it happens.

 

Tim, I will not let your legacy be that your death destroyed us.  We honor you by living the way you lived. 

[trying2breathe]

What a wonderful post from you, Trying - how great that it was a perfect day for your son's graduation.  Your new life is certainly aligning well and it shows!  So happy for you! 

[Mrskro]

Trying,

 

That's wonderful!  What a great post thank you for sharing.  So happy for you!

[Guest TooSoon]

I love this so much because I remember when.....so so happy for you! 

[ATJ]

I will always miss him, especially when celebrating one of our kids, and I will always incorporate him in our lives.  But I know he wanted us to keep living, to find our own way, and on these days when I feel like I have found that balance of honoring his memory and living life in the present, my heart is full.  It's not every day or even every week that I feel this way so I embrace it when it happens.

 

 

((Trying))

 

These moments of joy and finding balance after our loss are like cherished raindrops in the desert. They are messengers of Hope and Renewal and fill the heart with gratitude.

 

 

 

"May you become like the Lotus

That grows out of the muddy waters of life,

To rise above and blossom."

 

~~ Anonymous

 

ATJ

[Captains wife]

Loved this post ! Thanks for sharing and I am happy the party went soooo well.

[mmg19]

Great post Trying.  You really are the hostess with the most est.  What a nice day.