24 years, 7 without him

[Wheelerswife]

Today would have been my 24th anniversary with my first husband Barry.  It is the 7th anniversary without him.  I think of him often, but I don't speak of him nearly as much as my second husband John.  Most people in my life never met my first husband.  I moved half way across the country after he died, and very few of our old friends kept contact, most drifting away in the first months after he died.  So far today, I haven't been plagued with the typical flashbacks to our last 2 anniversaries when he was alive.  Both of those anniversaries found us camped out in ICU's, with him critically ill.  I'm not sure if I'm just so mentally tired from working on going through my second husband's tools and his shop this weekend that I have distanced myself from memories that go back more years...memories that have lost some of their bite.

 

It is all kind of confusing.  This seems to be a summer of mourning again, just in a different way than the last 2 summers.  I've been changed so much by death.  I don't even know what normal is anymore.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Maureen

[Trying]

Maureen you have gone through so much losing your two loves, my heart is with you today.

[ATJ]

Today would have been my 24th anniversary with my first husband Barry. …

So far today, I haven't been plagued with the typical flashbacks to our last 2 anniversaries when he was alive.  Both of those anniversaries found us camped out in ICU's, with him critically ill.  … memories that have lost some of their bite.

 

 

"A healed memory is not a deleted memory."

~~ Lewis B. Smedes

 

 

 

 

It is all kind of confusing.  This seems to be a summer of mourning again, just in a different way than the last 2 summers.  I've been changed so much by death.  I don't even know what normal is anymore. ... Thanks for listening.

 

 

((Maureen))

 

I have listened and heard you!

 

Death is the powerful enforcer of change and continual transition. For certain, we are no longer the same and keep going through evolving phases, propelled by the original impetus. It inevitably causes much confusion and self-questioning and definitely challenges our understanding of "Normal".

 

While change itself is a constant part of life in general, death adds its own deep imprint, indelibly embossed on our heart, mind and soul. Even our yardstick for measuring "normal" has changed, because we now see everything in our orbit through a different lens.

 

I wish that you can find your inner equilibrium that allows you to stand on firm ground again and regain steady footing.

 

"I have always argued that change becomes stressful and overwhelming

When you've lost any sense of constancy in your life.

You need firm ground to stand on."

 

~~ Richard Nelson Bolles 

 

 

 

 

Sending you thoughts of Tranquility and Strength on the Wings of Hope!

 

To a Brighter Tomorrow!

 

ATJ

 

 

[Guest TooSoon]

I want to write something profound but nothing seems right other than that I send you love and support, today and always.  xxoo

[donswife]

Maureen ,

I just read this so hoping your anniversary day went ok

or as ok as these days can be

take care of yourself

 

[WifeLess]

Maureen,

 

I've been changed so much by death.

 

Yes. Although I've been widowed only once, this is nevertheless true for me as well, and I suspect for most others here too. I hope you soon find a normal that includes a greatly healed heart, an inner peace, and perhaps even a return of true happiness.

 

--- WifeLess

[mmg19]

Sending hugs your way Maureen.

[Quixote]

Big hugs, Maureen.  I can't imagine what having to go through this twice is like.  I get the oddness of friends not knowing your late spouse, though--  when I moved, it was like the previous life became just this dream I'd had.  In some ways, that's okay. Like you say, some of those flashbacks are difficult.  Wish the happy ones were as vivid as the pain at the end. 

 

But maybe this is a time you can let yourself become swamped by nostalgia and remember the good, too.  It sounds as if there is some healing happening.  And that's good, even if difficult

[trying2breathe]

Maureen  Big hugs to you on your anniversary

[Tatianakm]

So many times, Maureen, you have comforted the others with your hugs, myself is included. I can't imagine going through this profound loss twice and surviving... I want to reach out and offer that virtual hug in hopes that it will bring you at least a little bit of the comfort. Heartfelt hug to you, Maureen!

[SimiRed]

Hugs!  Just want to send you hugs and warm wishes.