Dear Bride

[MissingSquish]

Dear Bride,

 

Congratulations!  I am so happy for you both.  I appreciate you sending me invitations to both your bridal shower and your wedding. I wish you just invited me to your bachelorette party, so I could celebrate your upcoming nuptials and still preserve my mental health.

 

Dear Bride, you see, a bridal shower is a representation of the life you will be building together with your future husband. My wish for you is that you're able to build a happy and fulfilling marriage, and these gifts are to help start you off in your new home together. 

 

I wish I could buy you the nicest thing on your registry, because you deserve it. Unfortunately, my financial circumstances have changed since my husband died. Losing his income means that I am now completely in charge of the household, with no outside financial help. I feel embarrassed that I can only afford a small gift; I really hope you registered for some things that cost less than $50.

 

I probably won't attend the shower itself, because I'd likely be fighting back tears the entire time. You may not understand this, but I had the same bridal glow not that long ago and you remind me of myself before my world was ripped away.

 

Bride, I feel really torn about attending your wedding. If I go to the church ceremony, it won't be as awkward if I'm crying. People cry at weddings, right?  Maybe I'll just come as your ceremony is ending and follow the group of people out to the receiving line so I don't get triggered.

 

If I decided to attend the reception, I'll probably leave right after the cocktail hour, before your first dance. That way, I can pretend that I'm not attending a wedding at all, just a nice fancy party with some good food and drink.

 

I hope you understand I am not trying to be rude here. I know you've planned every intricate detail of this day, and I'm sorry I can't be there for everything.

 

Love,

Your friend (or relative) Young Widow

 

[sojourner]

My nephew married 6 weeks after my husband died. At the wedding, I sat as near an exit as I could so I could have an escape route if it got too rough. I ended up staying, but it was truly gut-wrenching despite loving him and having nothing but good wishes for him and his new bride.

 

I left as early as I could from the reception as well- same reason.  And I went in on a wedding gift with a sibling, due to my new economic uncertainties.

 

I can relate to what you're expressing, MS. I wore my "happy face" mask as best I could, and was truly happy for them, but the way it made the death of my husband sink in ever deeper took a tremendous toll on me before, during, and sometime after. And then I had to do it again with another relative within the same year.  No one can really understand unless they've been there, not that some don't try to sympathize. But how it truly felt inside my heart was so painful that even I don't think I have the words to describe it.

[Captains wife]

Understand this completely. I was the Maid of Honor last year at my sisters wedding (although I told her I would be ok if she picked one of her friends). I am very very happy for her and her new hubby but I felt very sad during the vows and did everything to not cry when the minister said "until death do you part"....All of her 30-something friends were there, married, with their husbands and young kids...and I felt my loss a lot that day.

[twin_mom]

I love this so much. My step-daughter is getting married in less than two months, on the day that her father died. I am not going to the wedding- I got through two nieces' weddings last summer. But there's no way that I can get through SD wedding on that day and she only cares about having my kids there to show off how great of a sister she is (my daughter's opinion, not mine!). I wish I could share this letter with her, but alas I think it would fall on deaf ears....

[jeff1038]

But you will be there for some part of it and that means a lot

[Nuggets]

14 years of widow-ness and I still sit as close to the door as possible, and make sure I drive my own car for that hasty get away...

 

You're going to be there for part(s) of it ~ that's all that really matters.

 

((hugs))

[JeanGenie]

I went to a wedding 6 months after my husband died and again just last month (at 3 yrs, 3 months).  Time did not make it any better. I mean, I am happy for the couple that they found each other because I had that and why would I not want that for anyone else. But during the vows the words "til death do us part" or "as long as we both shall live" hung in the air for me. Those were just words on my wedding day, words glossed over while expressing our deep love for each other.  How deep those words cut now...