2 months

[barney_12]

It'll be 2 months this Friday that my boyfriend was killed in a motorcycle accident. Part of the issues I'm having is that we were only together for 3 mths. However those 3 mths weren't typical months of dating/relationship. We went from casual to serious within weeks. In 75 days we only didn't see each other about 15 times. We constantly, texted or called, every single day.

But I don't feel like I really belong anywhere with my grief.....I wasn't married to him. We didn't get the chance to be long term. We had future goals and plans but at the same time we were just enjoying the heck out of every moment. I feel like my grief and sadness shouldn't be this much. That maybe I'm over reacting.

I'm not doing ok....i get up, do my job, take care of my kids, try to see friends, spend time with his kids. But all I feel is incredibly sad. So sad for the loss of what our future may have been. I just feel lost.....

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, barney_12,

 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear boyfriend.  Please recognize that you are welcome here in this forum.  We do not have lines of delineation for married/unmarried, nor length of time that someone had with their beloved.  In your heart, you knew your love.  You had imagined your future.  To lose what you had hoped for is deeply painful.

 

I imagine the world around you - family, friends, his family, too - cannot fathom the depth of your pain, since you were "only" together a few months.  In their eyes, you may be grieving beyond what they feel is reasonable.  But...they truly do not understand and trying to explain this may not be successful.  I understand.

 

My second husband and I were engaged about 6 weeks into our relationship.  By 3 months, I had resigned my job and was planning to move half-way across the country.  At 4 months, I had sold my house and at 6 months, I had moved to be with him.  Yes, it is possible to have a fully devoted relationship in just a few months.  I would have been devastated to have lost him then.  Sadly, he died just under 4 years after we met, just under 3 years after we were married.

 

You are legitimately grieving right now.  Don't be worried what others think.  Read here and recognize that you have legitimate grief and you can identify with others who have lost their love, too. 

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[SimiRed]

Hello barney_12,

 

I can't say it any better than Maureen did.  The loss of your boyfriend hurts greatly and it's the loss of every moment you saw in your future with him. 

 

Being married for a long time or short time, being unmarried, dating, for any amount of time with someone who truly fits you and is a loving companionship doesn't change the amount of grieving you will have.  You loved him, you seen a future with him, you lost your "someday"...no one will understand your grief. 

 

I hope you find comfort here amongst those that "get it"...

 

(((HUGS))

 

 

 

[Mizpah]

You were robbed of what could have been, and he was robbed of his life - and you loved him, so you are not just grieving for yourself, but for him.  You don't need to justify yourself.  Not here.  Your grieving may be different from many here, but it doesn't mean you're not grieving.