Mixed feelings

[Blue green]

Hello, I lost my husband unexpectedly from a stroke two months ago. I have felt and continue to feel a  range of emotions from shock, sadness, anger... I have good days too. We had a wonderful marriage and I loved him very much. But there are things I don't miss. I don't miss how he pulled away from me and our children. I don't miss how I had to nag him to help me do things. I don't miss his temper. I feel guilty sometimes for these feelings but I can't help them. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I would do anything to have him back. Our boys miss him terribly and I hate that they are in pain. Can anyone relate to these mixed feelings?

[mbanyard]

Hello.

 

I was 3 months yesterday and I have mixed feeling all the time. This truly feels like a roller coaster, all the time.

 

Hang in there, you're not alone!

MB

[Blue green]

Thank you for the response. I truly appreciate it!

[SemperFidelis]

Totally and completely normal. I miss my husband dearly....he was my everything and my best friend. I miss our shared laughter and also our shared complaints about humanity...I miss his stories and his smile. But damn I do not miss hearing how he thought every woman was a whore, and I do not miss trying to bring him home from the bar....I do not miss his temper tantrums.... Every person in this world who dies is imperfect. Sorry just because someone is dead doesn't make them a saint all the sudden.

 

You are normal.

[JustLola]

I was just talking to a friend today about this. I had to buy a car when I moved back to my hometown after hubby died. I knew what I wanted but was talking myself out of it. It finally hit me that was HIS voice in my head, telling me that I didn't really want what I wanted. It was kind of a lightning bolt to realize that I could buy anything I could afford without having to discuss or negotiate or convince him. I finally got the car I had wanted for years.

 

To me, it's part of the processing of where our lives are now, our new reality, both good and bad. It doesn't mean you don't love him or want him. I would quickly trade the freedom I've gained to have him with me again. But the reality is he's not coming back and I have to make peace with everything that means.