Boy do I hate the holiday hoopla

[Eddienhp]

Why can't it just be simple? Keep it about the kids. Share a meal together. Play some games. Nice and easy. Nope. The school has to have a party and a separate gingerbread house event. Thats one kid. The other kid has a holiday event. Oh yeah and there are two 1/2 days to boot. The gingerbread house is on the third day. Are they kidding me? Hello, we work too!!! Not to mention it is my busy season at work. Grandma is elderly. Aunt works too. UGH!!!!!!!

 

I have to buy gifts for family I don't even know much about. By the way, they are my siblings. We only see each other at Mom's house. Once Mom passes on, we probably won't see each other at all. What a chore to try and find something to give them. I live on one modest income. I don't have money for all of these gifts!

 

I am glad there are so many happy and complete families out there. I don't need to see your happy pictures on Facebook. I still can't even open a Christmas card. I only decorate to please my kids. All of this hoopla is just another chore to me. It significantly takes away from my other chores. Significantly.

 

I don't need this sh&&&&t! Its hard enough to pull myself out of depression just to function on a daily basis. Thats with the medication!

 

I want people to stop insisting I come to their holiday gathering. My attendance is not going to cure me. Don't feel bad that I don't go out socially. I am busy raising a 7 and 10 year old on my own. I work full time. I care for a child with special needs. Saturday night I look forward to pjs and tea not to being surrounded by a bunch of people I have nothing to talk about. How many times can I politely say not before I have a meltdown and loose in on the party inviters?

 

Anyone get where I am? I need a little solidarity here.

 

Eileen

[Mrskro]

Eileen;

 

I get it.

 

I don't talk to my siblings either.  My dad passed away in January and I have to admit I'm not upset to not have to deal with them this year.  My advice for gift giving, when I did was I insisted we draw names out of a hat for the adults, everyone gets 1 gift, with a dollar value limit.  Then I didn't have to buy for all of them when I had no idea who they were and equally receive a bunch of gifts I didn't want, need or like.

 

My kids are older so thankfully school Christmas things are down to a secret santa exchange for both of them.  I DO NOT miss all of the hoopla.

 

I'm having a tough time this Christmas and I usually love it.  I'm limiting my contact to my DH's best friend's family who have always spent Christmas day and dinner with us and my brother-in-law who is in town from Europe.  I just can't do anything else.  or rather don't want to, so I'm not.

[Julester3]

I think for me, I have an aversion to holiday cards. I used to love to send them. I am not sending them at all this year. We haven't much to share really - I don't have an uplifting newsletter, no one wants holiday pictures so I said screw it. I still got cards this year but people need to understand that I just can't reciprocate this year and most likely next year either.

 

Sorry about the excessive gifting in your family. It took me about 5 years but I finally have been able to put a kabosh on adults getting gifts. We occasionally do a game, a share your favorite treat or some such but we really don't exchange gifts. We agreed it's best to keep it for the kids, focus on quality family time and visiting not piles of gifts we need to figure what to do with. The first year we replaced it with a game - bring a unisex hat one year, bring a gadget another year, bring a snack in a reusable container and then we'd white elephant it. Many people had a lot of fun with it. But as people get busy or have money issues or health problems, we'd simplify and do bring your favorite food obsession to share with everyone. We did that for 2 years. Since we lost Josh earlier this year, my siblings just want to focus on spending time with one another and dinner is a potluck effort - that will be our sharing part this year.

 

I hear you about the holiday stuff at school. I too am lucky my kids are older so we only got his with holiday concerts in the evening - something a lot easier to do than the day activities. I think what the elementary schools do are getting to be excessive - all school activities, crafts galore, story times, themed dress up days. It's a lot on a single working parent!

[soloact]

I am with you many million times. Society makes the holidays too complicated and tedious. Decline any and all invites that have no appeal for you. Make a nice day for your kids and forget what the others want/demand.

 

The kids school events are already too much. Do what you are comfortable with and to the devil with the rest.

 

 

[canadiangirl]

Solidarity, Eileen.  I have a crazy drive ahead to my parents' place, 5-7 hours depending on snow and traffic.  I am just dreading it and am always tired so it's especially onerous.  I don't exchange gifts any more with my one sibling and his wife and I am so grateful.  Maybe this will be the year that you all agree to stop doing it - I bet if you raise it, they will be relieved as well.  That was the case here.

 

I'm grateful for the holiday gathering invites and I don't want them to stop for my child's sake, but solidarity on it is still a chore and costs extra money for food or wine to bring along.  Teacher gifts too! and we have 2 teachers and 3 assistants - ugh, $ out the door.  I am feeling the financial pinch this year, it will be good to get a handle on it for next. 

 

I hope you have a decent holiday in any case -sending you more solidarity and support.

[Needytoo]

I hear you Eileen, there is parts of Christmas I love and parts I hate. I have dysfunction on both sides of my family.  There was only one Christmas spent with my Father since my Mother's passing and my step-motheringathinger made sure that was the only one. I use to give out really big hints that someone invite us for Christmas but no one ever did. It isn't ever going to happen and I accept it now. But for some reason we still buy each other gifts?  Why?

 

My sons and I are really great people and fun to be around end of story.  Tonight we are having our Christmas Eve drinks and going to play poker and just be silly and if we sleep to noon on Christmas day then we will.  Guess we will find our new traditions together. 

 

Not even sure what my point is here. lol

[Eddienhp]

Well I am done with buying gifts. Next year I will make something homemade to give; cookies, chocolate, craft, etc. I wasted time, energy and suffered trying to find appropriate gifts. I got back a key chain and a candle from one brother and nothing from my other brother. Not that I need something but I spent $100 on them and money is really, really tight. I could have used that money to buy gas for the car or groceries for my kids. Not to mention my 7 year old asked if they wanted to buy girl scout cookies. Brother's girlfriend was looking at the list. My brother leaned over to her and said, don't forget I get them for free at the food pantry in September. Wow! He couldn't part with $4 to help a girl develop her self esteem? BTW, My brother takes multiple vacation trips throughout the year. He gets privileges at the food pantry for a nonprofit he runs. I don't think it is legal to take the donation from the food pantry to use for yourself. The worst was when I was talking about my son's school issues. They are really bad issues like lack of supervision and my son got hurt requiring a trip to the ER. The school covered up, lied and started accusing me of lying despite the facts. After a year of advocating at the state level, I find my son unsupervised when I when to a school holiday gathering. My idiot brother looked at me like it is not a big deal. He was actually annoyed I was pursuing my son's rights. Next year I will buy a gift for Mom and I will give my sister her gift in private. I will sit with the family for Christmas dinner out of respect for my mom but I will no longer be stressing about getting the brothers gifts. I am done. They can have a tin of something homemade. Too bad if they don't like it. It will be better.

 

I hope all of you faired better for the holiday!!

Eileen