Last Christmas, Never Would have guessed I'd be at his grave this Chirstmas

[beth_krkswidow]

Never in a million years, would I have ever guessed, last Christmas, that I would be visiting his grave this Christmas.  I still can't believe it.

I actually visited his grave twice today.  I had to.  I just had to be "with" him.  Not that it helps, but I still just can't believe it. 

7 months today, Christmas Day.  You'd think after 7 months that I would believe it.  That it would have sunk in.  But it hasn't.  It just hasn't.

Everyone said the holidays are the worst.  They aren't lying.

I miss My Honey.  I hate this life without him.  I  just hate it. 

[geminigirl]

I just want to let you know that you're not alone. I'm at 7 1/2 months and Christmas was terrible for me also. I've never felt so alone in my life. At least it's over now. Hugs to you.

[Eddienhp]

Took me a while to actually believe it even though my husband had stage iv cancer. I still don't believe I was left with a 2 and 5 year old at the time he passed. I remember at his memorial there was another young widow who lost her husband to a drug overdose. She said, can you imagine at our age we would both be widowed. I was floored just thinking about it.

 

At five years, sometimes I still don't believe it. Sometimes I don't want to believe it. I know it though and I never forget it.

 

Sending you hugs,

Eileen

[mbanyard]

Right here with you Beth, though we don't yet have the closure of a memorial to visit (It started snowing early here in Canada this year, and it messed everything up...well, worse then it already was).

 

I cannot believe he is gone, that I am here, and THIS is my new reality. If I have to go through another Christmas season I might crack, as yesterday was the lowest I ever been in my entire life. (The day he died I went into a numb autopilot, where I stayed for 3 months).

 

People are also so very cruel. I just cannot imagine what is wrong with people when they wish a new widow a very happy "Merry Christmas." Makes me want to punch them all in the face.

 

In any event, my dear, you are not alone. I am just a miserable as you are and will keep you company for some time yet!

 

MB

[beth_krkswidow]

Thank you Geminigirl, Eileen, and MB.  It is comforting to know I am not alone; though horrible to think any of us are here.

 

yes, numb autopilot is a perfect description.

 

And, MB, your quote: "People are also so very cruel. I just cannot imagine what is wrong with people when they wish a new widow a very happy "Merry Christmas." Makes me want to punch them all in the face." ... Couldn't agree with you more.  I just can't figure out what they think!

 

Sending hugs to you all, though it doesn't help, don't know what else to do...