Did the Thread on whether to have a Dating Section Disappear?

[Baylee627]

Yes, it is heartfelt. And this board requires various admin and mods to offset how many forums and threads we have going on at any one time.

 

This is a board for widows, and inherent in that is painful circumstances, and so we have posters who need to express and vent raw emotions and feel safe to do so.

 

The ywbb was great, but the threads could really derail in a flash and run amuck and I personally know a few wids who got their feelings very hurt by some things that were permitted to occur. I remember being a new wid who was very intimidated when I saw the heated exchanges and insults that were hurled.

 

We do not want that to happen here.

 

Baylee

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest look2thesky]

Understood, fully respected.

 

 

 

[Carey]

for what it's worth, I truly believe there is not going to be "over moderation' here. I personally have a level of trust in the character of those who have constructed this inviting place.  And if I'm not mistaken, we CAN delete our OWN words ... which is only fair, just my thoughts. I don't look at as "big brother" so much as, being watched OVER.  I dunno, I feel like I'm not communicating my thoughts well.  I don't feel suppressed here; they are open to everyone's thoughts/expressions, as far as I have seen.

[MrsDan]

I see both sides. I definitely think we should be able to delete our own posts. I see what other people are saying about people losing what they contributed. I've seen that practice get out of hand on FB groups, often my admins trying to shape or manipulate the direction of the group. An example: a mother in a substance abuse group I belong too vented about how her mother says the loss of her spouse was worse than the poster's loss of her son. The group is primarily parents and more than one posted that you can always marry again, so the child loss is more painful. A bunch of widows called them out as being completely insensitive, that it's the same as telling them they can have another child. Was it hurtful to read. Well yes, but the fact is I know damn well most of the people in that group feel that way, and I appreciated widows having the chance to voice that no, a spouse isn't anymore replaceable than a child. I'm sure people who thoughtfully expressed themselves felt that way too. But no, the whole post was deleted. The original poster wasn't even really comparing, she was more venting about how self absorbed her mother was. Yes the insensitive bullshit was gone, but so were the very cogent counterpoints.

 

But I see Kam's view too. I don't mind heated threads really. It's when people say derogatory remarks about people's late spouses or express racist or intolerant views that I have a problem with. But there have been some responses to some of my threads that clearly come from a place of not having any idea of what it's like to love and lose someone to substance abuse. Someone actually referred to mine as a bad marriage. My husband has been characterized in a very negative light by people who didn't know him and his very complicated disease. And that's on me for starting threads to vent my anger, which I've later come to regret.  Can't say I'm sorry those negative characterizations are gone, nor my outburst of sheer rage at a man I love with all my heart. So, yeah like I said I see both sides.

 

[mokie]

I'm still not sure whether the question is to have a section for members here to "hook up" with each other (BAD idea, for many reasons... This is not a dating site) or for people to talk about dating and becoming part of a new couple (this section basically takes care of that already in its description:  "This board is for talking about friendships, dating, relationships, remarriage, and other topics related to social encounters.").

 

Many many couples have met through this board (well, YWBB) through fun social threads that moved to PM's, Bagos, the chat room, a serious thread where a particular viewpoint was eye-catching, or a combination of those (my husband and I are one of those many couples) but the purpose of our initial (or years of) postings weren't to find someone again.  Neither was it for any of the other couples I know from YWBB.  But sometimes the way someone expresses themselves catches your attention, and a deeper friendship evolves.

 

Making a separate section for finding a date here would definitely change the tone and purpose of this board.

 

To me, this social section covers it.  If a particular dating topic needs to be discussed, start a thread here, being specific in the title.  Seems to cover it to me.

[Guest look2thesky]

I think the discussion also touched on the fact that a seperate section for recoupled and or remarriage. As some showed concern that by having it seperated they would have the option not to view. I deleted it (the original) post because it seemed to cause too much debate, and confusion,  so I trust the idea was not open to the forums possibility.