Guest Lost35 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I can't seem to find it. Did it disappear? Was it removed? -L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AC Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I am not seeing it either, which may be a good things as far as it goes for me personally, as I was just about to post a big long response with "no real point". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Yes, but it was not deleted by a mod or admin. I checked permissions settings and saw that members can delete threads they start so I updated that setting to disallow that because that is my best guess that is how it disappeared. I think the possibility of a relationship board is a worthy discussion and I do hope that despite the hiccup, the discussion continues to help us make a decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AC Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Thanks for the explanation Jezzy. Just so you are aware, there is still a button next to the thread that I started with a "?". When I clicked it, it said "do you really want to do this?" or something. I did not say "yes" as I do not want to delete the thread nor lock it and I have no idea what it means when it say "this". Minor glitch, but one worth looking at. I also think that at some point we may need to address the difference between editing for clarity or further explanation, occasionally editing because with hindsight you wish you had not posted, and editing in a fashion that leads to confusion and discontinuity in threads, sometimes making responses seem out of line or senseless. Y'all rock. Thanks for everything you are doing to make this place great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Thanks for pointing that out, AC. I will delve back in and see what that question mark may mean or just try to get rid of it. I appreciate people's patience with our growing pains as we figure out things. We will get it down, I promise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AC Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Can I just say that 12 year old me really, really wants to click that button? LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Ok, I changed another setting. Does your 12 year old self still have a button to be tempted by? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AC Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Oh, I am laughing at myself here. My inner 12 year old no longer has the option of finding out what would have happened. I hope to be over the curiosity in about 5 minutes. Thanks Jezzy! Edit for clarity - the button is gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Awesome! I believe it would have locked the topic. Hopefully that appeased her curiosity! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 It gave me the option to delete. I deleted it. Did not seem to be a constructive or precise topic. Apologies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom66 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I'm sorry if this sounds bitter, but, if there will potentially be a "so happy I'm in new relationship" section, why not a dating section? I will be staying away from chapter 2 areas because they make me feel like a loser. If people are uncomfortable with a dating section...stay out of it. Just my 2 cents... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AC Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I personally don't see that as bitter mom66. I get that. I could write a book on this topic, but basically these are my thoughts - probably overstated to some degree, probably leaving things out also. Aiming for concise yet actually conveying my thoughts. Of course, as always, they are just MY thoughts - no one needs to like them or agree. As always, people should voice disagreement if it will benefit the topic at hand. 1. NO on a dating site section. Don't allow people who clearly use this as JUST a dating site to stay. Asking questions about dating or finding yourself falling for a specific someone is different than simply trying to pick up people. To do differently puts everything else that is important about this site in jeopardy. Just my opinion. 2. Social is already basically a "special relationship" section. You don't see a lot of posts about family relations or friendships there - some, but not a ton. Most people who want to avoid topics want to avoid sex, dating and/or LTR/recoupling topics. Why should they miss out on fun threads or threads like "confessions" or threads on friendships or whatever? Move threads like confessions or ones on other types of social situations to general where they won't be missed by people who don't want to talk about "special type relationships" and acknowledge "social" is really "special social" but it is hard to put a label on exactly what that means. 3. When we make special categories, we are implicitly saying that "this" is acceptable to talk about. If there are specific subcategories, but none fit what you want to say and there is no "everything else" subcategory, that indicates what you want to say is deemed unacceptable to talk about. Or, those topics wind up in General - which brings to mind the phrase "be careful what you wish for". In short, if we add a LTR/recoupling section, i would like to see sections added for "casual sex", "fwb that is not casual but not moving toward a LTR", "casual dating without sex", "fun time with myself", etc. The list is likely long but finite to some extent. I could work on a draft of ideas. Easier to me would be to leave things as they are and to signal what you are talking about in the title of your post. Those who don't want to read about it - don't! Those who want to give a different perspective - great, but be respectful and don't try to derail the thread or silence others. Sometimes it is probably better just to start a separate thread. 4. With regard to posting in a subcategory or specific thread that you don't "belong to" - I think it all depends on your purpose. Lots of threads could be started in several sections. For example, we don't have a section or sections for legal or government rules or financial questions. Nor do I think there SHOULD be such sections for a variety of reasons. However, my background means I have some useful information for many of those types of questions. I will likely eventually share what I have to offer if no one else presents the information/point of view, even if the thread is posted in a section entitled "GO AWAY AC, NO ONE WANTS YOU POSTING HERE". Of course, I try to do it in a manner that is useful and polite. I don't always succeed, but I try. I think that is about it. Sorry to be a bit snarky - I tried to edit out the snark, but it was ridiculously long that way. Sometimes I feel like I just can't win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 It gave me the option to delete. I deleted it. Did not seem to be a constructive or precise topic. Apologies. Ah, a valuable discussion was lost. I think many people found the discussion constructive. The topic seemed to morph only when the original post was deleted, and since some people didn't see that post, the topic moved around a bit. Sometimes an idea comes to mind and discussion helps clarify thoughts for a lot of people. It wasn't offensive and the discussion was civil. I'd rather not have the option for someone to delete a thread where others have posted. If someone wants to delete their own post, so be it. I've just had 5 1/2 years of my own words eliminated and I don't want to see that happening here whenever someone decides they aren't happy with the direction that a thread moved. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I think it was a good and respectful discussion too. I am still not swayed that it would be a good idea to have an on line dating type section but I can understand where there might be interest for a separate forum designed for wids looking to date wids. Although this was not the point if the original post, we have moved into an important topic I think. There is a big difference between the issues faced by those who are in a chapter 2 relationship and the issues of those who are "getting out there". While I enjoy reading the trials of those brave enough to try online dating or being set up or giving FWB a try, I pretty much skipped that phase and don't have much advice to contribute. On the other hand, I can understand why reading about someone who is in a relationship can trigger negative feelings for someone who isn't dating yet or is frustrated by the dating experience or has no interest in a relationship. There are so many issues that come up with a chapter 2 relationship and I want a safe and supportive place to get advice without fear of offending anyone. However it is done, separate subcategories or carefully worded subject titles so people can avoid topics they don't won't to read, is a good idea. That is true for every section, not just social. If it's a trigger to me, I skip it. If it's outside my experience, I may read to get a better understanding of someone else's reality or to find inspiration for my own journey. My 2cents on a Monday morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 However it is done, separate subcategories or carefully worded subject titles so people can avoid topics they don't won't to read, is a good idea. That is true for every section, not just social. If it's a trigger to me, I skip it. If it's outside my experience, I may read to get a better understanding of someone else's reality or to find inspiration for my own journey. My 2cents on a Monday morning. Seems I missed something over the weekend, but this is something I've thought of a few times. I couldn't say it any better than this, so "ditto" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 long before i was ready to think about another man, i started looking in the social threads. Never posted, but was curious. then i would leave it for a while. I think a dating section might be used the same way. A lot of us haven't dated for MOST of our lives. If people were actually flirting and seeking each other in this safe format, it would be good for some of us who aren't ready yet, but don't even know how to start to be able to go there without committing to a dating website!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 See previous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anniegirl Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I'd rather not have the option for someone to delete a thread where others have posted. If someone wants to delete their own post, so be it. I've just had 5 1/2 years of my own words eliminated and I don't want to see that happening here whenever someone decides they aren't happy with the direction that a thread moved. I am with Maureen on this one. It's one thing to delete your own words and something completely different to erase someone else's. In this case a good, necessary conversation was being had about why a section for those in relationships is needed. Both AC and mom66 make good points that beginning to date and being in a relationship are not the same type of "social". But the comment about the potentially be a "so happy I'm in new relationship" section is what I was talking about in the deleted thread. People in new relationships and even remarried don't stop being widowed because partners and spouses are not interchangeable. Those people are still dead. Still mourned. There are still issues. And that can be hard to understand and hurtful for everyone. Maybe the problem is that the original idea of a social section being a catch all for all things relationships is past its expiry date and it's time to divide it into proper categories. It started out that way on the old board as a way to move the sex talk out of the general section. And it continued to be one big un-comfy melting pot because the YWBB admin refused to acknowledge dating and re-mating in the hope that those people would simply shut up or go away (since they were "all better now" anyway). So yes, I agree that there should be a section for people exploring the waters and there should be a section of those who've navigated to a place where they are working through the settling down again. Why not? The only good reasons for "why not?" so far seems to be "because I like status quo" or something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I'm sure the general idea has not been abandoned. The remove thread feature has been removed. Again sorry if the deletion changed the topic, but it was being interpreted differently, and was only a general suggestion. Passing on the topic now. Nice day to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kamcho Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Kamcho, I encourage you to please continue to contribute. You are valued probably more than you are aware of. The option to delete was removed because if an entire thread disappears, along with it go the thoughts of anyone who posted on it. We all know how it felt to lose our posts from the ywbb. We don't want that here. Also, mods and admin are watching closely, so if we see a thread derail, we will put the posters on notice and/or warn them, and lock the thread if necessary. Don't forget if you see activities that make you uncomfortable, you have the option of reporting this to a mod. Nothing will stay out of hand for long, and it will be addressed and/or mitigated. I hope you'll reconsider. I, for one, enjoy your posts. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddalena Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 and Kamcho, on this board, we have moderators who are actually present, so if a thread gets highjacked, we have help!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kamcho Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baylee627 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I understand. I still hope you will reconsider. The admin and mods here do want to try and "protect" our wids as best we are able, and to try to ensure a safe environment. Baylee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 See previous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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