So I changed my Facebook relationship status...

[Quixote]

I've been "widower" since about six months after my wife died-- that was difficult, but it marked a change in my self perception:    if not the beginning of acceptance, at least the end of denial. 

 

Anyway, social media can seem pretty silly at times, but it does reflect how we want the world to perceive us. So last night I took a big breath and asked my-- rather serious-- girlfriend if she wanted to change our statuses.  I feel like such a millennial typing that, but there we are 😀

 

So I figured it would be just a way of saying "Hey, we're seeing each other" to the world, but judging by everyone's online reactions, you'd think it was an engagement announcement (seriously, Mom, "happiest mother alive, may your love continue forever"?  Not helping!). Maybe I'm sensitive because things ARE in fact moving in that direction, and things seem to be happening fast:  we've actually known each other for over 20 years, which is doubtless part of it. But seriously, is this a normal online reaction?  Or are our friends basically just saying "about time you two"?

[MrsDan]

Lol, I think I had about 103 likes when I changed my status. Now, a number of them were friends of his, so they really have nothing to do with widowhood. But the majority were mine. I think a lot probably wanted to let me know they did not have a problem with it. But I think for many, they see it as a barometer of recovery, of feeling better. Since we know it's more complex than that, it does make the excessive likes absurd.

 

Oh and your mom. Last year when I told my mom about N, she said, "it's the best Christmas gift I could have gotten." That's odd, considering she doesn't really care about me or my life at all. I guess maybe she was happy for my daughter, like she thought this would be good for her?

[Trying]

I didn't change my "widow" status on FB until I was engaged.  My very close family and friends "liked" it or commented, and people who are not at all close were very happy but certain family and friends never commented on FB or in person.  At 47 the whole FB thing is just a bizarre new reality that leaves more questions than answers about where people stand in their opinions about our personal lives and whether or not I care about their opinion. 

[Wheelerswife]

Quixote,

 

You know I am grinning over this "announcement".  Best wishes to you!

 

Maureen

[Captains wife]

First of all - congrats ! And some people's reactions to things can be "funny" - some are happy (great! but don't overanalyze and put the married pressure on) while others might have trouble digesting the change (I know my MIL would for example). But don't feel pressured for a timeline/progression in your relationship based on others reaction - I think some people just feel happier if they see us re-coupled and some feel just like we are in a committed relationship that marriage is coming next.

 

I have struggled with changing my FB status so I am 5 whole years out but still "married" to my LH according to FB. I just like being connected to his page and don't want to lose that. I will often post pics of our son on it so his friends can see updates. And to be honest, I haven't been in a relationship where I was sure I wanted to change my status (until now). I think, though, I would only change if I was engaged but that just my preference.

 

[Bunny]

I got off of Facebook right before my husband died, but the reaction of friends and family whenever first meeting or hearing about my bf was off-the-charts. I think they were just so happy I was feeling something other than grief 24/7. The one that affected me most was my dad- the look of absolute relief on his face was heart-breaking.

 

Maybe it was because I'd only been widowed two years, but it all felt kinda awkward at first because I guess I felt they would think I didn't really love my husband as much as they thought I did now that I had found this 'replacement' person. For the most part, it definitely took more time for me than them to adjust to socializing on the arm of another man. (May be why I found it easier to mostly hang out with his friends that first year or so) We've been dating 2 1/2 years and recently went to the wedding of friends of mine and my husband's and it was the first time I'd felt so relaxed about it.

 

Congrats on the status change