Apathy and renewed grief

[canadiangirl]

My 8-year-old is struggling at school...cannot concentrate and stay on task, and when spoken to about consequences or about the need to try, he just says "I don't care". If it is too hard, he gives up.  Ditto home.  He has ADHD-like symptoms but the psychologist could not definitively diagnose.  But I don't think that is the whole story here... I know he is anxious, I wonder about depression sometimes, although he clowns around a lot and seems generally okay. 

 

It's about to get worse.  It looks like his best friend from daycare is going to die from a rare neurological condition.  I am beside myself for the parents, I love their little boy, and I worry about the effect on my son, who means the world to me.  I do know that kids are resilient. 

 

I read an article about the comedian Stephen Colbert once (in GQ). He lost his dad and two closest-in-age brothers in a plane crash. Afterwards, he did nothing in school for several years.  About school, Colbert said:  "There was no way to threaten me,” he said. “It was like, ‘What? What's that? Oh, okay, I might get a bad grade? Oh no. Wouldn't want that.’”  That resonated- in part, I think this is what is going on with my son. 

 

Reaching out to anyone whose child has shown similar apathy about school, and marks etc. post-loss and whose child had to face another loss within a relatively short time period.  Any things that you did, or observations, ways you handled this that you felt worked?  My son sees a psychologist every 3 weeks now and has since his dad's death--to be honest, I do not see/feel that it has made much difference, but I can ramp up or change psychologists.  My latest daydream is to quit my job and take my son under my figurative wing and run away to see the world together.  It is all a bit much.

 

Thanks.

[Mrskro]

Hey I sent you a PM. 

[klim]

I have an older son that sounds much like yours ......I have not figured out the answer but hope that by talking with him and not ignoring his view of things that hopefully he feels supported.

 

I think you sound like you are doing the right things ,having him connected with a therapist will be beneficial as he works through this stuff .Hopefully you have found one that is a good fit. My son is very resistant and being older  I can not make him...the best thing we have going is he likes our family doctor and I get him to check in regularly.

 

Mostly what I am saying is I hear you, it is tough and you sound like you are doing what you can.

 

Sending you positive energy.

[Mizpah]

Not my own child, but my boyfriend's son has gone through a lot in his short life and has horrible, conscienceless behavior.  Different issues and causes (lost my boyfriend's fiancee who was sort of like a stepmom, and has an extremely tumultuous homelife with his mother), but definitely ADHD and total lack of coping skills/gives up beyond easily.  I don't have a perfect answer, but my boyfriend has for a year or two now been regularly hiking with him.  It makes a difference.  It gives him something.   

 

http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-nature-mental-health-20150629-story.html