It is OK

[Euf]

In August, my husband will be dead for 11 years. I am OK. 

 

Not as OK as I would be if he was alive, but I’ve built a life without him.  That was the hardest  part:  putting the pieces of myself into some shape that held together and eventually having those pieces stick together long enough until they became an actual person.

 

I owe a debt of gratitude to the widows that went before me, walked beside me, and moved on with me, ahead of me or behind me.

 

Once I thought I would continue be more of a presence here. I thought I would eventually become one of those widows that were inspirational.  LOL  But I think that living an actual life is the best I can do. I often check in here but rarely post anymore. 

 

Now I am thinking ”where in the heck will I post this?”  Am I inspirational enough for the new wids?  Is this for the bag ladies (Beyond Active Grieving).  Somewhere there is a thread for “Those That are OK with not Recoupling”. Surely, I could belong there.

 

But I don’t belong anywhere.

 

Except maybe I belong in the real world, where I am an actual person.  There is no new man in my life and there will never be but I have a real life and have friends and have plans and a future.

 

I guess that is as inspirational as I get.

 

[BrokenHeart2]

Thank you! At coming up to 4 yrs your words are inspirational to me.  You are living a good life and that is my goal and thank you for sharing your achievement.  Please dont ever think your experience isn't worth sharing. Just like those that went before you, you went before me.  Blessing to all of us wids!

[tybec]

Glad you shared. I am a third generation widow. My grandmother at age 53 and my aunt at 42.  I didn't think about moving forward with a man, as they both lived long successful and happy lives.  My grandmother worked outside the home for the first time in her life (1951 widowed), became a dietitian of a hospital (she went to college in the 1920s) and traveled.  My aunt was a college professor, German descent, and traveled as well.  I just happened to reach out to a man on a dating site, and we are together a year later.  Wasn't in my plan, but it happened. 

 

Live full and fully! Thanks for sharing.

[Jennica]

Well, I am 6 months out and I can tell you, for me reading your post is what I come here looking for. I want to read stories of those that can live, can enjoy life. My question I ask myself almost everyday is, will I ever enjoy life again. That's what I want. I want to be able to live in the present and not constantly look back to the past. So yes, your post matters!!! Thank you for sharing.

 

[patriciad]

I am just a few years behind you and I say "Yes, you are definitely inspirational to the new wids".  Doesn't seem like that long ago when all I wanted was to know that I would survive this.  I was lost without my other half and wondered if I would ever feel complete again.  These are things that I believe many new widows and widowers confront. 

 

It was always nice to see people finding happiness or normalcy after tragedy.  I am sure that your post has helped many. Glad to hear that you are OK.

 

Pat

[ladybug]

This summer will be my 9TH without my husband.

 

Thank you for posting.  I totally understand what you mean about being OK.  Thanks again.

[Guest wecouldbeheros]

7+ years. Thanks for this post. It hit home. Best to you.

[InOverMyHead]

To be honest, your situation helps me.  People expect me to recouple.  I am young, I could.  But I honestly don't want to.  I remember asking my husband if he died would he want me to get remarried and he said yes; would you want me to remarry? And I said no.  I know it's selfish, but I also didn't think he was going to die a week later.  I think I told him I didn't want him to remarry because in my heart of hearts I knew I wouldn't remarry.  Basically I'm a selfish bitch but at the time it was a hypothetical.  We were 26.  Surely I would have another 20 years at the soonest to change my mind. But. Nope.

 

I'm glad to know you are ok.  It makes me feel better knowing that one day I will be ok.

[Catnip]

It was just 10 years for me back in December. I guess I'm OK, too. Ten years is a very long time. My life with my husband was a lifetime ago. My kids are grown, altho 2 still live at home. I have the same job and the same house.

 

My life is going along. I'm just waiting to retire in a few more years. But I do not have plans for my golden years. Come what may.

 

I did date for a little bit; a very nice widower. He treated me like a queen, but he got very serious very quickly and I just wasn't that into him. I called it off. Guess I'm just not into this dating thing. I've been doing alright by myself for these 10 years. Recoupling is not a priority anymore.

 

Peace to you, Euf,

~Catnip

[Guest oneoftwo]

Euf- I am with you.

Things are O.K. our 3 kids are succeeding, I've kept up our home and land, and still have a job.

But it has been a long time since I lost him, and I've yet to encounter someone who captivates me like he did.

I am beginning to think "once in a life time" is just that.

 

Talking Heads fans- here you go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1wg1DNHbNU