Struggling

[bromans]

At just over five months, I'm struggling with the idea of piecing together some sort of "normal" without Marriah. I feel like I have no goals, no aspirations anymore. I'm only 24, and was going to school for vocational ministry, but with how much I'm struggling spiritually I don't see it happening now. Every plan that I've ever made for my future involved her. It was about her. So, what now? I guess grad school is an option-- choose a whole new career and just... do it. But motivation is at an all-time low, plus I'm just downright afraid that I can't handle it. I guess I'm just wondering if there are any young wids struggling with the same thing?

[AlisonF]

Hey,

 

I haven't been here in a while. I know how you are feeling, I am seriously lacking a purpose in my life now. For some reason I feel a need to reinvent myself, I have a masters in painting but I need to find some way of feeling fulfilled. I want to do something with my life but I'm stuck in the one spot. My confidence is shattered without my husband. I feel clumsy, stupid and ugly on my own but I know I need to fix that for myself.

 

We are able to do anything, look at what we have made it through this far. I know our spouses would want us to be happy and they would believe we can do anything. Some how we have to push ourselves on, one of these days I'll have to better myself and not just in his memory but for me.

 

I hope you are able to find strength and peace, I won't say to move forward cause I don't like the word forward, but to move beside and with this loss.

[BrokenHeart2]

Bromans, AlisonF, I have been right where you both are and I'm sure many here can say the same thing. I completely understand how you both feel as I have felt the very same way.  For me it was very important to work through my grief as opposed to trying to go around it.  It took a heck of a lot longer than I ever thought it would but we all do it in our own way and timeframe.

I too feel like I am remaking myself since I don't hold many interests that I had before DH died.  Early out I was so confused, lost and empty. Please be gentle with yourselves and take the time you need to work through this.  It may happen faster than you think or slower than you want.

Hugs.

[CourtneyR]

Bromans, I must have logged in here at the right time because I just thinking all the same things. I go to work everyday and can't feel any passion or even will to do a good job. I used to love coming into work and wanted to do my very best everyday but now I don't see the point.

Everyday I hear co-workers complain about bullshit work problems and I want to scream. Every week I get a little more willingness get up and go but it's still a struggle (it's been about 2 months). I know it will get better some days it just doesn't feel like it will soon enough.

[Mizpah]

At 6 1/2 years, my only advice is to not make huge decisions right now.  Or at least don't make "I will never" decisions right now.  You don't know how you will feel in a year or two or few.  If ministry doesn't feel right any longer, don't pursue it right now.  But don't rule it out in the future.  Your feelings may change.  Grief and loss significantly change (or delay) many of our paths.  But it's hard to know how sometimes until we let some more of the dust settle inside ourselves.  (Keep in mind that your struggle could eventually make you even better at spiritual ministry, more compassionate and understanding, less simplistic or naive than perhaps you may have otherwise been.  Not to push any decision on you.  Just a reminder that anything can be used for good, depending on what you see as good.)  I used to be very ambitious.  Losing DH made me realize that none of it mattered as much as the people you love.  In the couple years after he died, I adopted a very "take it as it comes" approach and tried to avoid long-term thinking and planning.  (Same as you, I lacked motivation and worried I couldn't handle any kind of heavy lift.  Grief is like a full-time job with tons of overtime.)  The things I care about now are different from what I cared about when DH was alive, and different from what I cared about in the immediate aftermath of his death. 

 

I tell you this: I don't remember much from the first 3-5 months.  It is still very new.  Don't pressure yourself any more than you have to.  Not yet.