54 Days

[Cela]

I desperately was seeking to find others who may relate and found this forum.  I was referred to a grief group and have attended, but it is for all losses.  Those my age are there for other reasons and the widows are older and, to be honest, I haven't felt particularly welcomed by them. 

 

I'm 25 and I was only married a short 2.5 weeks.  I was married at the beginning of June and my husband was in a motorcycle accident and passed on the 22nd.  I have survived 54 days without the love of my life.  I did not think I could even make it this far, but here I am.  I feel broken beyond repair, but I seem to be on auto-pilot and it has carried me through most days. 

 

I miss my Eddie so much I don't know what to do anymore. 

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, Ceda,

 

I'm so very sorry you had to join our club. I hope you feel at home here. Sadly, there are others who have lost a spouse at your young age.

 

You deserved a lifetime with him. 2.5 weeks just doesn't cut it.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Cela]

 

You deserved a lifetime with him. 2.5 weeks just doesn't cut it.

 

 

Thank you for the welcome to the site.

 

I agree that I deserved a lifetime and I'm sure everyone here feels similarly about their spouse. Even if I had years, I don't think any amount of time would be enough...but being that we only enjoyed so little time as a married couple it is like a kick to the stomach or something.

 

My post was a jumble of thoughts because I feel like I still have no idea what to say about it all. My emotions seem to be all over and from one minute to the next they can change. I never realised before how much physical, gut wrenching pain, was experienced with grief. I've never lost anybody else close to me before, I know that makes me lucky.

 

I wish I knew what I should be doing now. I hate waking up, I hate going to work, I hate my empty nights...I hate this life. I want to have my Eddie by my side again, I know that is impossible. I had 6 years filled with unimaginable love and I know for that I must be thankful, but selfishly I want so much more! I don't want more days to pass without him in my life. I know I have to find the strength to keep continuing on. 

[Julester3]

We totally get it. Many of us were horribly cheated. I had much time since I was with my husband since we were teenagers but I don't know how to fill the void he left me with. I know I should be grateful and I am mostly but dang it I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am resentful this was what I was dealt with even though we had no control. Be gentle with yourself and take your time finding your own groove. Hugs for you today.

[MR]

Hi Cela,

Sorry about you loss. We all didn`t get enough time with our spouse. Please take care of yourself. Eat as much as you can, drink lots of water and try to get some sleep. Things will getting harder and then little better. I am more than 11 months out but still miss her like anything. For most of us our universe definition has change so we are all here to listen to you.

Hugs

Manoj

[Mizpah]

I feel like I still have no idea what to say about it all. My emotions seem to be all over and from one minute to the next they can change. I never realised before how much physical, gut wrenching pain, was experienced with grief. I've never lost anybody else close to me before, I know that makes me lucky.

 

I wish I knew what I should be doing now.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I call it having to bear the unbearable.  I remember so little of the early days, but I remember thinking that if I was inside, I wanted to be outside, and if I was outside, I wanted to be inside - nothing felt right, there was no relief or comfort.  I remember always feeling like I couldn't really be ok until I talked to him about what I was going through - but of course, how could I, because what I was going through was his death?  Other widows saved my life and sanity, just by virtue of existing and surviving and speaking my same language, by knowing what I was feeling.  I am thinking of you, and all of you.