Talk about complicated

[Kismet]

It’s been a year and a half since my husband passed. The first year I couldn’t even think of being with someone let alone a relationship. Move forward after the year mark one drunken night I end up sleeping with our close friend. History behind that is I’ve been friends with him for over ten years. He’s actually best friends with my late husbands brother. So we all know each other very well. Oh and he also just got divorced about 6 months ago. We’ve always  been good friends and could talk for hours. But not until these pasted few months did I ever see him in a romantic light. But it is just so damn complicated with everything. I don’t even know if I have real feelings for him or am I just feeling lonely. The last time we were together he told me that he felt guilty about it. I have a hard time expressing feelings but a part of me of course feels guilty as well. I just nodded and started talking about something else because I feel vulnerable and uncomfortable I just don’t know what to do. Maybe it’s just to complicated to try to do. I don’t even know if he even has feelings for me like that. Worst thing is is my late husband and I used to joke about how this guy has always been in love with me. And here I am. He hasn’t pushed for anything but I don’t know if it’s because he’s confused himself or maybe it was just drunken sex? I guess a guys perpective would be nice for me to hear.

[Portside]

... I don’t even know if I have real feelings for him or am I just feeling lonely.

 

... I don’t even know if he even has feelings for me like that.

 

I guess a guys perpective would be nice for me to hear.

 

Oh boy. . . this isn't really complicated.

 

It sounds like neither of you know what you want. Have you talked, really talked about what each of you want? That sounds to me like a very good starting point.

 

Or have each of you avoided it because you both know the answer is that you both got boozed up and just gave it up?

 

If you want some answers, ask him. And, conversely, tell him what is on your mind, if you know what that is. Bare your soul to him - all of it.  It will either work out, or it won't.

 

Either one is okay.

 

Good luck - Mike

[Trying]

I think Portside is right.  It may be an incredibly uncomfortable conversation but you must have it.  This isn't some random hook up, you are friends.  Have the conversation.  He most likely feels as confused and uncomfortable as you and will be relieved you've brought it up.  If there are real feelings there then it could be great if not then you don't want to lose the friendship over a drunken lonely night.

 

Good luck!

[Captains wife]

Your both is very difficult spaces, in huge life changes albeit in very different ways. I think its very common and natural to seek companionship from those you feel comfortable with - it doesn't sound like he's opening up the space for conversation so its worth you doing it. Even if the "confrontation" is uncomfortable at least you can both get understanding....and maybe get the friendship back on track or something more. I hate confrontation so Id feel so uncomfortable bringing up what you need to discuss but maybe try and do it initially in a light hearted way to get him to also open up. Wishing you all the best,