Am I losing my mind?

[A.M.805]

its been almost 60 days and I can’t decide if I’m losing my mind or if just so angry that I’m shutting down. I lost my husband, the love of my life in December. We were together for 25 years, since I was 15 and he was 18. We have one beautiful amazing teenage child who I feel should be my motivation to move forward everyday but I feel I’m not strong enough too. I wake up every morning and have to convince myself to breath in and out and get out of bed because I can’t have my child see my loose it. But when I drive to work, or in the shower, or simply in our bedroom I find myself crying and i can’t stop. Sometimes she knocks on the door and i can’t answer it because I don’t want her to see me because it will just cause her to cry and I don’t want to upset her; but it hurts so bad. Friends don’t understand and i honestly feel they’re only patronizing me and would prefer not to talk to me until I’m “normal” again. Will there ever be a normal again?

[Anni]

Hello,

 

Not the old normal, but there will be a new normal that will feel unreal for too long. I am 4 months out of losing Minh and it has gotten easier living in the new normal that I didn't want but are forced to now live. We all mourn in our own way. I have his pictures up in my new apartment and even have "his" side of the bed set up as he always did. I didn't have him very long, but the bond between us reaches across so I find him supporting me. I have had to move out of state for a new job so everything in my life is a new normal.

 

Your daughter is also hurting, but she will be there to help mom as you help her. Let her see you at your worst and both of you can give each other support. It might take months or years, but you have to do it your way. Tears helps more than you know.

[Wheelerswife]

Ah, you are not losing your mind any more than the rest of us.

 

I'm so sorry you lost your beloved husband.  This is such an agonizing experience.  How could you possibly be functioning "normally" when absolutely nothing is normal anymore?  I was also very angry after I lost my second husband...not so much after my first husband died.  Each has been a different experience and finding a new equilibrium has been different for each as well.

 

It will take some time for you to integrate this loss into your consciousness.  It can be incredibly hard to imagine how you can keep living without him, but this is accomplished each day by putting one foot in front of the other whenever you can even do that.  I didn't find it helpful to look too far into the future. 

 

Your experience is yours.  Others who have not lost a spouse cannot understand this, no matter how hard they try.  You may realize that you couldn't fathom this level of pain before your husband died, even though his death may have been anticipated. 

 

I'm glad you found this site.  If you can find a support group for younger widows and widowers near you, that might be helpful, too.  When I found the precursor to this site, I sat up late into the evenings, reading post after post.  Ah - people who understood.

 

Hugs to you...

 

Maureen

[beth_krkswidow]

Hugs to you.

Sorry to tell you that you are experiencing completely normal rwactions.

I was catatonic for months and wanted to drive off a cliff for a year.

It's pure hell and the only way through is one day one hour one moment at a time.

So sorry you had to join us here

[Julester3]

So sorry for your loss but you found the place where you will find people who get it. My story is somewhat similar. My LH and I were together for 22 years as a couple and you could add another 6 years of just friends. We have 2 teenaged daughters and you know what? As good as it is to be solid for them, it is also healthy to show them your grief and share how you are feeling. It can help them process their own feelings. You are the family unit now and you need to work together. I would rather be transparent to my kids but they know it's so they are in the know and not blind to our new reality. It has been good for us as we close in to 2 years in April and they have stepped up and been more hands on to our family needs around the house and such. Be patient and be kind to yourself. We all process differently and at different paces. Normal will not be as you once knew it - it will be a new normal. You'll find it in time. Hugs!

[Mizpah]

What you're feeling is totally normal.  It's the situation that is abnormal. 

 

Will there be a normal ever again?  Yes.  But it will be different, and it may take a long time to get there.  For me, there was never a time as bad as the first few months, though - perhaps that can give you some comfort. 

 

I phrase it as having to bear the unbearable. 

 

To me (from nearly seven years out now), it seems very healthy that you're trying to function as well as you can when you must, and that you're allowing yourself to "fall apart" in those moments in which you have that freedom. 

 

I am thinking of you.  It won't always hurt so much.  It will never be ok, but you will be.

[James]

A.M. what is normal when you lost your love?  Normal is what you need it to be.

 

It gets better.  For now, when you need to cry, cry.  Come here when you need to and write whatever the heck you want/need to write.  Everyone here understands.  This is the only place you can be with people who understand what you are going through.  Use this resource.