MrsT85 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 It's been two years. I didn't think I could, but I'm rebuilding. I thought my life was over, but I've found another great guy who wants to build a future with me. He's asleep in our new bedroom, in the new apartment we put a lease on last month. The place is still a mess of boxes. Honestly, things are better than I thought was reasonable to expect two years out. I still love Tim just as much as I did the morning I unknowingly told him goodbye for the last time. I still miss him. Every day. I still regularly look around at everything my life has turned into and, with tears in my eyes, think "This isn't how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to be here." Tim, I just love you and miss you. Now as much as ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TooSoon Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 (((MrsTim))))! This has been quite the journey! Thank you for walking it with me. Two years. Remember where we were two years ago? I remind myself how happy they would be to know we are not just ok but better than ok. Of course we still love them. Yet life moves forward and so do we, as they would have wanted for us. I'll be thinking of you today. xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 It's been two years. I didn't think I could, but I'm rebuilding. (((MrsTim))) What a strange reality we widows face, always torn between two worlds. But Forward we must go, while still treasuring our past. It's not an easy task! "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us." ~~ Joseph Campbell I still love Tim just as much as I did the morning I unknowingly told him goodbye for the last time. I still miss him. Every day. Our heart ALWAYS remembers and holds dear the one we have loved! "Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken. But it is inscribed on a heart, and there it shall remain forever." ~~ Unknown Sending you Comfort and Peace! (((HUGS))) ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 "This isn't how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to be here." I regularly think this. It will be two years on Saturday...and yes I am rebuilding maybe not as rapidly as you but at my own pace. The incongruency of being happy and feeling the idea of this isn't how it's supposed to be plays on my mind some times. BUt onward and forward. Enjoy your new found life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 "This isn't how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to be here." I regularly think this. Me, too. I regularly ask the wall/air/him - "Why did you have to die? You were supposed to be my happily-ever-after." He was just that...but for only a few years. Now? I'm left trying to figure out how to rebuild a life all over again. Sigh. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mawidow Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 MrsT, I am thinking of you and sending my warmest thoughts. Our timelines are about the same. It never stops being weird. I am so impressed and proud of what you've built while I would never ignore the profound absence and losses. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsDan Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I tried, off and on yesterday to find the right words. I never did, then the day got away from me. But I'm sorry; I should have written something. I think it takes tremendous strength and emotional depth to forge such a path as you have. And on your own terms. I'm proud of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsT85 Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 Thank you all for your kind words. It's so wonderful to come here, write a semi-disjointed post about something I can speak to honestly with so few people, and feel so understood by those who responded. . The incongruency of being happy and feeling the idea of this isn't how it's supposed to be plays on my mind some times. BUt onward and forward. Indeed, and well put. Time only moves in one direction - forward - and we don't really have a choice but to go with it. I think for me, becoming widowed put an end to "simple" emotions. Everything now - especially the good things - is colored by my loss and the still-intense desire for my Tim back. My happiest moments now are always at least a little bittersweet, with the ratio of bitter to sweet varying wildly. . It never stops being weird. No. No it doesn't. I'm settling into my 3rd home in 2 years, and I'm constantly wondering when things will start to feel "normal" again. I miss having a sense of stability and permanence when it comes to the things in my life and I'm sure after my experiences I'll (very justifiably) never really get that back. I tried, off and on yesterday to find the right words. I never did, then the day got away from me. But I'm sorry; I should have written something. I think it takes tremendous strength and emotional depth to forge such a path as you have. And on your own terms. I'm proud of you. No worries at all, my friend! I know you've had a lot of changes going on in your life as well, and I'm just honored that you take the time to think of me with all you have going on. And I'm proud of you, too! Congrats again on the new job - I continue to be in awe of the tremendous strength and determination you've shown while following your own path and staying true to yourself. Again, thank you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Rebuilding your life despite your grief is a brave and difficult thing. Sending you hugs as you continue to forge ahead while still missing Tim. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Joining in belatedly to send you virtual hugs from a distance. It is so surreal. ((MrsTim85)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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