jlp Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 So, I've been out of state for the last five days to visit my sister. She, her boyfriend, and a group of their friends do a canoe/camping trip every spring and this year they invited me to join them. It was so relaxing, to have a few days where my responsibilities were minimal and I slept the best I've slept in probably well over a year. The weather was beautiful (except for one pretty chilly night). And it was probably the longest I've gone without crying since DH died ten months ago. I got paired up in a canoe with a friend of my sister's BF who was widowed a couple of years ago. I was a bit suspicious, thinking maybe it was a surreptitious setup on their part, but I don't think so. He was a really nice guy, though, and it did give me a bit of hope that maybe I will be able to find a nice fellow to once again share my life with -- they are out there. I got home at 2:30 today and within two hours, I was in tears. Apparently while I was gone, some of my flowers and apple trees were starting to bloom, then a hailstorm came last night and ripped everything to shreds. While I was out cleaning up some of the mess, I managed to accidently lock myself out of the house! S#!t. Fortunately, I was able to find some keys in the garage, but by that time, the pleasantness of my "vacation" had been ruined and all I could think about was how nice it would be to not have to be a "grown-up" any more and just run away and shirk all my responsibilities. It was so nice to have a break from grieving and feeling overwhelmed. I hate to whine -- I know I should just put on my big girl panties and deal with it. But sometimes I just don't want to! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManutesGirl Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Can I join you? It sounds like a wonderful weekend. But coming home after that was so hard for me the first year, and sometimes still is. Add to that the house stuff you have to do by yourself...ugh! That sounds like a good reason to whine to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Widowed, or not, I think we all wish that there were times, when we could run away from adulthood and shirk all our responsibilities. I think widowhood just adds an extra layer, because we have to not only deal with the usual struggles of life, but we also have the endless grief on top of that. I know, I have had the desire to run away far more often, since losing my Kenneth, than I ever did before. Your trip sounds lovely, and I am sorry that things went bad, shortly after you arrived home. (((Hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 You're not whining at all , sorry the time away ended quickly with all the crap of doing things by ourselves I planned my runaway a few months after Don died It was just me and my dog overlooking the ocean (it was winter but didn't matter ) It was such a good time to be away from the house , chores , bill paying and thinking then friends a month after that took me overnight to a casino , not my thing normally but I had a nice time with laughing and just getting away from all the grief I now will try and plan a few more distractions of get away's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I want to run away. I want to run so far away that no one will ever find me again. I want a do over. Can we get those? Bad place tonight, sorry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CBB Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 I am planning a runaway very soon. It will be 2 years on the 10th of May. 2 very long, rotten filled years of my life without my husband. Then to lose my son 6 months ago to suicide. Shocked doesn't even begin to touch where my head space has been since October. I finally can no longer bare being where I am and where my life is. I am selling my house and selling it all. Every last thing..All of it is getting bought , purged and done with. Either I have snapped, or I have awakened to find I am completely miserable in the path I am on now and I can't take much more of it. I don't know where I am headed but I am sure I will figure it out somehow. Cyndi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Cyndi, you've been through too much! I'm so sorry you had to endure two major losses. I'm thinking and praying for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CBB Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Thank you Linda. It has been an almost unbearable year. Running away just sounds so wonderful and maybe we help me feel more unstuck? I feel like I am just spinning in circles and it's time for a major change. It might help to get my head put back on straight. Thanks for listening to me vent my frustrations and ponder this new adventure. I will take all the prayers that you have that I am doing the best thing. Big hugs, Cyndi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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