Why can't people do what they say they will?

[jlp]

I am so frustrated right now.  I know in the big scheme of things this is pretty minor, but it's just the piling of disappointment on top of loss that is so aggravating.

 

One of my few passions/hobbies is gardening.  I've always found it to be therapeutic.  I didn't have a garden last summer because DH was dying, then died, and it was all I could do to keep the grass cut.  I was so looking forward to getting outside this year, "playing in the dirt", and restoring things to some semblance of order after a couple of summers of neglect.

 

In early April, I called one of our best friends to ask if he would be willing/able to till my gardens this year.  Yes, I was first on his list, he assured me.  Well, here it is, well over a month later, and it still hasn't been done and probably won't be this week, because it will be too wet.

 

I hate to throw him under the bus, because he was a rock for us for so many months, but I can't help but feel a bit abandoned.  I would happily pay him for the things he's helped with (or that I'd like for him to do), but he won't accept money.  If I had known this was going to happen, I would have hired someone else to do it and would have little plants popping up by now.

 

But it's not just friends.  The snowplow company I hired assured me they would clean up any mess made over the winter (I have a gravel driveway).  Again, I called in early April to let them know that I would indeed need some cleanup.  I was assured that they would be out around mid-April.  Right.  Some guy finally showed up yesterday afternoon and did a half-ass job (it's possible he might be coming back, I don't know).

 

The point is, like a lot of other widows, I imagine, I hate to ask for help.  I do as much as I can myself, including grass-cutting, edging, weed-eating, even trimming small tree branches.  I am not a wimp.  But there as some things I just can't physically do, and when people say they'll do something then don't come through (especially if I've PAID them to do something), it just really sets me off.  DAMMIT!  I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT IN ADDITION TO EVERYTHING ELSE!

 

Phew!  I feel better.  Anyone else experience this?

 

[Lisa]

Sending hugs. Disappointments? Oh yeah! 

[swilson]

I'm a widower but it happens to us also. Yep, people don't come thru or follow up so I go to plan B. If I can't do it myself, I'll hire someone who can. Have you tried container gardening to get a bit of a fix? You sound like my late DW in that she just had to get in the dirt and I was her 2 legged mule lugging bags of mulch and other heavy work. You're right this widda crap is bad enough to deal with and having folks let us down is just another layer of irritation.

[Guest Questions]

I wish I knew & yes...

It's so commonplace that I don't believe anything anyone promises me anymore.

 

People who after DH died said "If there's anything you need help with, anything at all just ask" that bailed if I did.

DH's family members who I flew out & put up in hotels for his memorial service who said it as well  & added "We'll help you move"  that never spoke to me ever again.

The neighbors who all insisted I let them plant a new lawn for me last fall but apparently forgot (fall, winter have passed & it's spring of the following year now)

The neighbor who found out I was planning a solo camping trip & begged me to let him & his family join me, who I spent an hour making plans with that bailed the day of the trip "we're busy" after I'd restocked my camper with meals/supplies for 5 people.

The neighbor who called one day to invite me on a hiking trip (I accepted) who never called back as planned to tell me when it was scheduled.. but DID call later to tell me how much fun it had been.

The neighbor who asks me every week for the past 6 mos if I'd like some plants she's removing from her yard to plant in mine. Although I accept & say "thanks! just throw them here in my yard" never does deliver but keeps offering.  Who, after I politely declined last time because I planted flowers instead looked at me as if I'd just poisoned her drinking water or something, lol

The list goes on & on...

 

I just don't get it. ???

Sorry it's happening to you too!

 

(((hugs)))

 

[Guest Kamcho]

My thought on it is that people get off on the dopamine rush of getting to "play hero." They can pat themselves on the back and tell themselves how great they are. When the time to put foot to one's ass occurs.... the rush is gone and they have more pressing matters.

[Virgo]

Let's just say that YouTube 'how to' videos have been more reliable than all of the empty promises from family and friends. Turning a frown upside down, I've learned a lot and I've been teaching my daughters what I've learned. I think the projects that I don't feel comfortable doing on my own I will hire done. I'm tired of waiting on others.

[Guest Questions]

I just got health insurance after 5+ years of going without (what a relief!) & I was told I had 90 days to schedule my 1st appt. with my new Dr. (mandatory or I'll lose my coverage)

Anthem called me several times urging me to make the appt. ASAP so I did on April 28th.

 

The appt. was scheduled for Mon, May 13th (tomorrow..good because I have a bad rash I'd like

diagnosed that no OTC drugs seem to be helping)

But today I said hey wait, the 13th isn't a Monday it's a Wednesday. Why did I write down Mon?

So I called the drs. office just now to confirm & was told: "You missed your appt. It wasn't for May 13th, it was for April 13th."

(I'd like to know how I could've missed an appt. scheduled 15 days before I called to make it)

She said "You'll have to reschedule.. The next avail. appt. for new patients is January 8th."

I said January? of next year?? That's 8 months from now. Way past my 90 day deadline..

She said "oh no, I meant June 8th." 

This patient is losing her patience.. lol

I certainly hope the dr. isn't as spaced out as his receptionist.