jlp Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 For those of you who did not lose your spouses suddenly, how did you manage to make it through the days/weeks leading up to the anniversary of the death? I'm at 11 months and honestly thought a few weeks ago I was doing better, but this past week has been horrible. All I can think about is "a year ago (such and such day) he was admitted to the hospital; on this day, he came home; on this day, he was admitted to hospice." Etc. I've been working hard to try to line up social activities for the next few weeks, to help keep me distracted and cheered up, but I'm still struggling. When you're a widow (especially without kids), I might as well have Ebola, for as much as I feel shunned. Way too much crying going on. So, if any of you have any tips that might help me avoid crawling into bed for the next months, it would be much appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlp Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 S$$t. I'm so screwed up, I just realized this should go into the "One year and beyond" category. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Unfortunately, I relived the last weeks of my first husbands life in full technicolor as the days came toward the first anniversary. I also relived very difficult times on our wedding anniversary, as we had spent our last 2 anniversaries with him in critical condition in ICU. I guess the better news is that the excruciating details faded more as time went on. Now, I can still remember what happened, but it doesn't haunt me like it did in the first couple of years. Hugs...I know how hard it can be. Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 I know it's easier said then done, but I try not to dwell on the sad dates. I don't want them to hold more meaning than all of the happy dates. My husband was diagnosed just 8 days before our 19th wedding anniversary (our last), so we ended up celebrating it at the cancer center three hours away from home. On what would have been our 20th I took our daughters to our favorite restaurant. We always went there for our anniversary. I plan on making it a tradition with our daughters. He died 7 days after his 39th birthday. I donated blood on his birthday, and treated his death anniversary like I would any other day (missing him.) The first year was hard because you do think 'this time last year.' Then once you get to the second year you're sad because you can't say 'this time last year' anymore. Your idea of scheduling other activities is basically what I do, but I would imagine it is more difficult by yourself. ((hugs)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Reliving Kenneth's final week was something I did every month, on the 3rd-10th, but I wanted to somehow try to turn the sad memories around, as I headed into the final week, leading up to the one year anniversary. I ended up paying tribute to his memory, by writing about each of those days here and on ywbb. Writing about what happened, and reflecting on the memories, helped me to survive the one year anniversary of his death and the week leading up to it. It was healing, for me to just get it out and to share it with people, who would understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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