Am I some kind of ingrate?

[Baylee627]

Bite your tongue, missy! Don't you dare leave, JJ!

 

Wid how you see fit.

 

Next time someone comments, tell them: duly noted! So does this mean we can trade lives? Should I bring my own clothes, or are we trading wardrobes, too?

 

I swear, I will clobber the next unfortunate soul who pipes up to express this disconcert or restlessness over MY grief. Their safety is not a guarantee, at this point.

 

Baylee

 

[Trying]

Jen, there is no "right" way to be a widow.  We are each as unique as our finger prints and we process things in our own way and in our own time. 14 months is very early on, first of all.  Never feel guilty about posting here, that is the purpose of us all being here, because where else can we be so raw and honest? 

 

I am glad to hear you have started meds, especially if you have a history with depression. My therapist's take on meds when we were talking about considering them for my son was "the meds would allow him to be able to hear what is being said to him and to focus on what is in front of him". Not a cure, but a tool. 

 

I cling to those "little happies" like putting a little hope on the bank for when the dark clouds roll in which they inevitably do.

 

Keep posting, reading, reaching out.  None of us has THE answer but we can learn from each other's trials and errors, successes and failures.

[BrokenHeart2]

"Guilty posting here' Uhm, sorry but that's why we're here so that guilt is not allowed. I've had more guilt in the past 2 yrs than ever before and I didn't even cause it. WTF, I survived but don't know why. I just want him back for f sake. I'm just over 2 yrs out. Be patient and kind to yourself.

[Lisa]

You are not failing widowing. Your so called friend is despicable. Hang on Hon xx

[Jess]

Jen, you do not annoy or scare me. I wrote before that maybe you put too much pressure on yourself to be better, but I think a lot of us do that. You give a voice to it. You let people who may not be up to posting about it have someone that they can say "me too" about.  You have so much value to so many. I wish it was easier for you. I wish it was easier for all of us. Keep posting and know your words always have an audience that does not think it is weird or wrong to not be "better" yet, but is rooting for you to find some light. I think of you often and want you to find more of those happies. I hope you do and you share those right along with the hard, numb, or impossible times.

[Max2507]

Jen, never feel bad about sharing your experience, good or bad. I am a year further along than you and relate to a lot of your posts (not to scare you) but things do get better. There are a lot of ups and downs and you have made tremendous progress. There is no passing or failing. Its surviving and making something out of whats left. It is so hard. I find it so hard to put into words sometimes but when I read other, more articulate posters, detailing whats going on in my mind too, I just read and say yes, yes that's it. It is sad when you know someone has never had the kind of love you have experienced but its like saying its gods plan, just unhelpful bullshit. Yes, if it had been a shitty relationship I would be fine now.

[Jen]

((((Hugs))))

 

I feel a little better today. Thank you all. I really am so very grateful.