Sugarbell Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Before I say anything.....I am only referring to the Baptist church in my tiny town. Not all Baptists. Well...my 10 yr was sitting with 2 of his buddies today on the bus to a field trip. They were talking about not being at school tomorrow because they were going with there Dads to the mts to the father/son camping trip. Yea...one asked where his Dad was...blah blah blah-you all know the drill. This is a very conservative church...where the Creme cheese couples go who wear the coordinating matching outfits on Sundays. 110 kids are going from elementary school. I knew about it...was just hoping my middle son wouldn't be asked-well he was. On a positive side he did say "Well my Mom takes me camping, hiking and fishing all the time anyway...if we went to that church she would be my Dad and go. She could out camp most guys anyway" He handled it the best he could. Now he's at his baseball game. It still though makes me sad as it does him that he has to still deal with his Dads death. 8 yrs later. It is what it is I suppose. Ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I'm sorry, SB. It is hard to have these situations we can't "fix" for our kids. I love what he said about you and he's probably right, so know that you're doing a great job filling the role of mom & dad in all ways you can. I do understand wishing our kids didn't have to keep reliving the sense of loss. Tight hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heydear Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Yes. It is, what it is. It is our children's sad, crappy reality. Sounds like he handled it with good grace though, which is often more than many adults can muster. Kudos to him. On a separate note, what is a cream cheese couple?? I'm guessing it's a rather unflattering generalization, but I have never heard the phrase before. And I'm now currently thinking of raiding the fridge, because you've got me thinking of bagels! Lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 SB, you fill all the voids in your children's lives quite well. That's something I didn't have to experience, as my youngest was 20 when her Dad died ... and I still thought it was bullshit & unfair. I'm finding out now how "lucky" I was. So sorry your kids have to deal with this, but you're doing a great job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mo12 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 "Well my Mom takes me camping, hiking and fishing all the time anyway...if we went to that church she would be my Dad and go. She could out camp most guys anyway" What an awesome mom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 ((Sugarbell)) It sucks, for them, for us. I remember I told my abnormal psych professor that a counselor told me that my boys lost their dad at the worst ages to lose a dad, 9&11 years old. My psych teacher replied "well then when is a good age for your father to die? Cause I'm pretty sure it sucks at any age." Love my hippy, no bullshit professor, and that is something I carry with me, that simple statement. It's hard dealing with their grief and loss on top of our own. I'm not looking forward to Father's Day, our first without him. It's great how he responded, I think you and your kids sound pretty cool! Regardless of how well we try to fill those voids, they are still there, but it sounds like you are doing an awesome job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Thanks guys.... When he was telling me I just thought "Awe man...here we go again". Of course my son is only 10...but his Dad died when he had just turned 3. He's a positive kid...but I just hate that so many years later-at least once a year each kid has to deal with it in some way. Cream cheese couple was a term I learned 20 years ago in my first job. lol. It means a cute pure looking couple/family. You know the type where the boys wear matching sweater vesta to the Dad and the wife/daughters have coordinating dresses...matching bows...have that "I live in a bubble and nothing bad ever happens to me because I am so blessed" I know it's ugly of me...it's just a term to describe it. No clue why they call it a "creme cheese couple/family"...I am sure SNL has done a skit on the type I am talking about lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 And I still don't understand these specific gender role events. Like a Mom can't camp??? Total bullshit. I think we as a society set ourselves back 30 years when organizations come up with these traditional gender role events. I asked new guy last night if he dealt with this stuff as a kid cause his Dad died when he was 7...He said no place did that kind of stuff where he lived except Boy Scouts...and his exact words were "But that was Boy Scouts...even back then we all knew ahead of time they were a little chauvinistic" (Which his Mom never let him or his brother do scouts) I dunno. Just annoying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieh21 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Didn't you deal with that one year by contemplating going yourself and screwing their antiquated ideas on the separation of gendered activities? I guess from this post that this didn't pan out? What a load of rubbish. Good for your boy for taking pleasure in doing these things with you. What would they have said if your DH had turned out to love quilting and hate the outdoors?? I like the cream cheese analogy. Oddly we have no such families at our synagogue. That whole "family look" has apparently not simmered into our community. It must be very pretty though. We're three girls, so it would be bow-a-palooza. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 I think you are thinking of me telling MIAB that she should just go camping with her boys! It was with Boy Scouts... But yeah the whole thing is ridiculous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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