Counseling

[tmppgh2015]

Many people suggest I start counseling since I'm finding it so difficult to get through. So today I have my first counseling appointment. I'm not sure what I expect to get out of it. I know what my issues are and Im logical enough to know what I should be doing. I just can't seem to do it. I have a great network of friends who always support me. Of course they all have their own craziness going on and I dont want to be a bother. I know I "talk" not sure how else to classify my relationship. We chat all the time on the phone and text. Seeing each other is a whole other issue. He has openly admitted he is in a selfish stage of his life and I know he is emotionally damaged. Should I walk away from this relationship absolutely. I know that already. But it's weird. He does worry about me, he does provide me a distraction, and to be honest it's nice to have someone to talk to and not have to worry about them wanting something serious from me. Seems if you show interest in me that you are serious I run away. Hence, why is still am putting up with someone who openly admits they are damaged. So when I go to counseling im sure we will discuss this. But again i already aware it's not healthy. I'm just not sure how therapy is going to help. It can't give me my old life back, it ant take away they fact that I'm a widow at 38 and that I am trying to learn stuff, I should've learned at 21, but I was already happy and settled. Any insight would be appreciated!

[Guest TooSoon]

Therapy has always helped me.  You can tell the therapist that you only want to discuss what is pertinent right now and take the rest of it on later.  Simply by talking about it, you might find some clarity.  I got involved with  my not available best friend from high school when my husband was dying.  It was a lifeline for me but it was seriously messed up.  Counseling helped me end it and move on.  Now we're back to where we once were.  Best friends, thick as thieves without the "tension" we generated a few years ago.  A good counselor is a guide, not a problem solver.  He/she will help you to think about things in another light.  I wish you all the best.  Just taking the step to go is a huge move forward.   

[donswife]

Hi

I am going to a wonderful therapist. 

She had once helped our family get through my sisters passing

Once my don died i reconnected with her

She has been extremely helpful.  I am not your usual "let me write in a journal and talk all about my childhood kinda person

So I go in with what I need and she gives me concrete things to do

The best part is you are there for a certain amount of time to talk about your fears

Sadness etc.    things that I am sure we only do for s minute with family and friends so not to burden them

I hope you like counseling

 

 

[Justin]

I start my first counseling session next Tuesday. I did have several grief counseling sessions from around 2-6 months out, and feel like I am doing well with processing my grief and am now looking for some "wholistic" therapy. I need to address issues I had even more Marsha died, in particular anxiety/worry and low self-esteem. I have suffered from these all my life, but the grief has compounded them and vice-versa.

 

I am looking to heal and be the best "Justin" I can be.

[Mizpah]

I love therapy for the simple fact that I always feel better when I leave than I did when I got there.  I feel like articulation makes things manageable.  And that another person's perspective can bring something fresh even when I believe I'm as self-aware as can be.  I asked my therapist once, when I was feeling cynical or out of stuff to say, what the point of therapy is, and she told me it's to identify and change patterns of thought and behavior that make us less happy than we can be.  That we replay or try to replay relationships and incidents, hoping for different outcomes, or ensuring the same negative or destructive outcomes, or sometimes in the case of having lost something wonderful, hoping for the same thing.  If you know it's unhealthy, maybe therapy will help you see how you ended up in an unhealthy situation, and how to end up in healthy situations in the future?  To me, therapy is also about making me accountable to myself for my own happiness and healthiness. 

[MissingMyJon]

I am going to a wonderful therapist as well.  I first found and connected to her when my first marriage was going down in flames.  She was my lifeline then.  As soon as Jon passed, I sought her out.  And she is my lifeline now, since I don't have friends or family to talk to about my grief, or who get what it is like to be a widow, or have suggestions on how to help.  And my therapist, although not a widow, has many clients who are, and she shares what others have done to cope, to distract, and to reflect.  She helps me feel less alone since I don't have my Jon to talk to about the daily grind.  I hope your counseling appointment goes well, and that you get some benefit from it.

[Lisa]

Best of luck to you. Ive had some wonderful counselors in my past and a fantastic grief counselor. They aren't all great. Give it some time but if the person seems off  get a new one. I hope it is a healthy and healing endeavor.

[Jess]

I have been seeing a grief counselor since I was ten days out. At first, we met every week, then every two weeks, and now we are at monthly appointments. She has been talking to me about whether I wish to stop- pushing me out of the counseling nest so to speak but I have decided I will keep with it until I at least hit the year mark since I have seen it be such a volatile time for others.

 

She has been very helpful and asks things in such a way that I can really get to the heart of why I may feel a certain way. I can be very internal and too caught up in my own way of thinking to pull myself out and shift perspectives, and that has been a gift.

[amy0520]

I've been seeing a grief counselor since about 3 months out. We meet every 2 weeks. I am not the type of person to write in a journal either or express my feelings openly. But I found that talking to someone that is not a family or friend, gives you a new perspective on things. Usually I am very emotional after I leave the appointment, but it does help to be able to express yourself without feeling that your being a burden on someone. It also helps not just with your grief, but with your own personal issues that you may be having. I definitely think that it can't hurt you to go and try it out.

[tmppgh2015]

Counseling was actually good... I did really like my counselor. Thanks for all the advice everyone. So grateful for everyone!  I did leave her office feeling better and  not even sure why!

[Lisa]

I am so happy you had a good experience. It is wonderful news.