serpico Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 So tomorrow, well, actually today I guess, is the second anniversary of my wife's accident and death. And it's gonna be weird. You see, I've been seeing someone and things have progressed relatively quickly, but still at a natural enough pace that it doesn't seem all that fast. So tomorrow will be difficult for many reasons... 1) My MIL arranged for a Mass to be said for my wife, and it's at 7:30pm, smack dab in the middle of our huge town festival, and my kids aren't happy at all that they have to miss a lot of it. The Mass just is not a huge deal for them and they don't get the old school Catholic importance of having a Mass said for a deceased loved one. 'Oh wow, Dad, so they say Mom's name one time during Mass...big deal' is what I keep hearing. 2) We feel like we're 'on stage' during milestone dates, when to us, they're just another day. We've been through enough over the past two years and we miss her every day, so we're not gonna parade around in black and act all somber just because it's 'that' day. 3) On the day when we're supposed to be sad, I'm happier than I've been in a long time because everything has been going so well for me, but mostly because of my new relationship. See how strange this will be? But there is a silver lining here...I've been sharing these feelings with her, and I got the most wonderful message from her tonight, so I want to share it here: I don't know what it's like to walk this road that you have, or experience the milestone dates that I'm sure you are expected to address in some capacity other than 'normal'. What I do know is that I want to walk this journey with you, whether it's from a distance tomorrow and thinking about you and the kids, or whether someday it's by your side. I'm on this road with you wherever you want me to be. When I said I was all in, I meant it. The hard days and the great days. I wish we could be together tomorrow and it wouldn't be so trying for you. I am so happy that I make you happy, and I hope someday everyone else in your life sees that. Happy tears! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I like that silver lining! She may not have walked this road, but it sounds like she has a lot of empathy and understanding. How wonderful for you to have met a woman like her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Congratulations on finding happiness again, Serpico. Would it help to lessen the dissonance of feeling happier than you have for a while on the sadiversary, if you consider that your wife would likely be really glad you are experiencing happy tears instead of tears of sadness? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanGenie Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Wow congratulations on finding happiness and someone so special...her message to you is heartwarming. And how nice that on this sadiversary you have happy tears. I'm happy for your happiness! Gives me hope. I hope you get to enjoy (most of) the day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 She sounds like a wonderful woman who wants to support you in any way you need. It is a strange thing to be happy and in love with one person while still loving and missing another, the heart is an amazing thing. I also have the issue of a MIL who wants mass said at certain milestones and kids who do not want to feel on display. I have no answer how to deal with that because I haven't figured it out myself. You honor your wife by living your life, by appreciating happiness and love. Best wishes for you and your family as you mark this milestone and for your new relationship as you move forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I love this! So inspiring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mel4072 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 That is so cool! And I totally get what you are saying about being "on stage" and getting tired of it. I have shared with my guy how it feels to be a widow and feel like you are on display for the world and even though there are no real rules, I just feel judged. On display. Watching everything I do or say. I am so happy for you for the new relationship. She sounds wonderful and I can speak from experience that it's wonderful having somebody by your side who doesn't view you as the grieving widow but as a person! Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mawidow Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Serpico, there is so much love in her message. I'm really happy for you. I think about what I would want for my DH if he had lived and I had died and that's it: a loving, wonderful woman and full life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now